Tweet Messages Page 3

  • Hit any user to continue.
  • Hit'em All! Let EMT's sort'em out.
  • Hitch your wagon to a star.
  • Hitch your wagon to a star. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • Hmmmmm ... When will dogs learn who is the house favorite ...
  • Hmmmmm .... Why cant dogs serve me the same as those hoomans do ....
  • Hodding Carter~ There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots the other wings.
  • Hoked on fonix, itz ben good for me.
  • Holbrook Jackson~ Be contented when you have got all you want.
  • Holbrook Jackson~ Beware of your habits. The better they are the more surely they will be your undoing.
  • Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. -Langston Hughes
  • Hold your wagon!
  • Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you, never excuse yourself. -Henry Ward Beecher
  • Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned. -Buddha
  • Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
  • Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -Buddha
  • Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -Buddha.
  • Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. -Buddha. - Buddha
  • Holly Lisle~ The only place you will be accepted is the place you make for yourself.
  • Home run hitters strike out a lot. -Reggie Jackson
  • Homer~ All men have need of the gods.
  • Homer~ Do thou restrain the haughty spirit in thy breast for better far is gentle courtesy.
  • Homer~ Evil deeds do not prosper the slow man catches up with the swift.
  • Homer~ Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another.
  • Homer~ How God ever brings like to like.
  • Homer~ It is equally offensive to speed a guest who would like to stay and to detain one who is anxious to leave.
  • Homer~ The fates have given mankind a patient soul.
  • Homer~ The minds of the everlasting gods are not changed suddenly.
  • Homer~ The single best augury is to fight for ones country.
  • Homer~ We are quick to flare up we races of men on the earth.
  • Honest Criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an aquaintance, or a stranger. -Franklin P Jones
  • Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. (Franklin P. Jones)
  • Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress. - Ernesto Che Guevara
  • Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom. -Thomas Jefferson
  • Honk if anything falls off.
  • Honk if you are just a honker.
  • Honk if you love Allah
  • Honk if you love Vishnu
  • Honk if you love me.
  • Honk if you see something fall off.
  • Honk if you're horny!
  • Honor and shame from no condition rise; Act well your part, there all the honor lies. -Alexander Pope
  • Honorat de Bueil Marquis de Racan~ Nothing in the world lasts Save eternal change.
  • Honore de Balzac~ I am a galley slave to pen and ink.
  • Honore de Balzac~ I believe in the incomprehensibility of God.
  • Honore de Balzac~ The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
  • Honour sinks where commerce long prevails. - Oliver Goldsmith
  • Hoomans need fresh, wiggling gecko tails deposited on or in the bed at 3 am.
  • Hoot: How the hell can ya be so stupid? Jessie: Well, it ain't somethin' yew can pick up overnight.
  • Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.
  • Hope is one of those things in life you cannot do without. -LeRoy Douglas
  • Hope is the denial of reality. - Dragons of Winter Night. -Margaret Weis
  • Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible. -Unknown Author
  • Hope springs exulting on triumphant wing. -Robert Burns
  • Horace Bruns~ Friends are treasures.
  • Horace Bushnell~ It is only Christianity the great bond of love and duty to God that makes any existence valuable or even tolerable.
  • Horace Mann~ A teacher who is attempting to teach without inspiring the pupil with a desire to learn is hammering on a cold iron.
  • Horace Mann~ Be ashamed to die unless you have won some victory for humanity.
  • Horace~ Brevis esse laboro obscurus fio.(When I labor to be brief I become obscure.)
  • Horace~ Drop the question what tomorrow may bring and count as profit every day that fate allows you.
  • Horace~ Force without wisdom falls of its own weight.
  • Horace~ Make money money by fair means if you can if not but any means money.
  • Horace~ Many brave men lived before Agamemnon but all are overwhelmed in eternal night unwept unknown because they lack a sacred poet.
  • Horace~ Of writing well the source and fountainhead is wise thinking.
  • Horace~ Pale Death with impartial tread beats at the poor mans cottage door and at the palaces of kings.
  • Horace~ Pale death knocks with impartial foot at poor mens hovels and kings palaces.
  • Horace~ Remember when lifes path is steep to keep your mind even.
  • Horace~ Seize today and put as little trust as you can in tomorrow.
  • Horace~ The covetous man is ever in want.
  • Horace~ The years as they pass plunder us of one thing after another.
  • Horace~ With silence favor me.
  • Horace~ You have played enough you have eaten and drunk enough. Now it is time for you to depart.
  • Horace~ You traverse the world in search of happiness which is within the reach of every man. A contented mind confers it on all.
  • Horse racing is animated roulette. ~ Roger Kahn
  • Horse sense is a good judgement which keeps horses from betting on people. - W. C. Fields
  • Horse sense is a good judgement which keeps horses from betting on people. ~ W. C. Fields
  • Hortense Calisher~ This is my answer to the gap between ideas and action - I will write it out.
  • Hose job (cheated again).
  • Hoshang N. Akhtar~ Marriage is more than four bare legs in a bed.
  • Hospital is a place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill.
  • Hot Enough For You?
  • Hot Flash? No, power surge!
  • Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything.
  • Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything. -Billy Graham
  • Hotter than a six peckered alley cat - A person of loose morals
  • Housework is evil, it must be stopped.
  • Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don't do it.
  • How about never? Is never good for you?
  • How about some patent on "(a+b)2 == a2+2ab+b2" ... choose free software!
  • How agree the kettle and the earthen pot together? - Bible
  • How are UFO's related to hamburgers? Both are Unidentified Frying Objects!
  • How are men like noodles? They are always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.
  • How can one TV station have the "exclusive" accurate weather? Did they "storm" in and scoop the others?
  • How can the cemetry raise it's burial costs and blame it on the cost of living?
  • How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand.
  • How can you kill an idiot with half a dollar? Throw it under a bus.
  • How can you make money fast? Glue it to the floor.
  • How can you mend King Kong's arm if he's twisted it? With a monkey wrench.
  • How can you shorten a bed? Don't sleep long in it.
  • How can you tell a dog from a tomato? The tomato is red.
  • How can you tell a dog from an elephant? The elephant remembers.
  • How can you tell a poker player is lying? His chips are moving.
  • How can you tell an Italian witch from an English one? By her suntan!
  • How can you tell if a ghost is about to faint? He gets pale as a sheet.
  • How can you tell if a man is cheating on you? He has a bath more than once a month.
  • How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye? When it comes out in conversation.
  • How can you tell if a parrot is intelligent? It speaks in Polly-syllables!
  • How can you tell if a snake is a baby snake? It has a rattle.
  • How can you tell if someone who's just had a perm is on the phone? You get a frizzy signal!
  • How can you tell if there is an elephant in your dessert? You get very lumpy ice cream!
  • How can you tell that you're getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
  • How can you tell the difference between a can of chicken soup and a can of tomato soup? Read the label.
  • How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to Marketing before saying No
  • How can you tell which Burger Land baseball pitchers are left-handed? They're the one's wearing the left-handed 'meats'!
  • How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group? Look for gray hares.
  • How can you tell who is the head nurse of a facility? She's the one with dirty knees.
  • How come if ants are always so busy they always get time to show up at picnics?
  • How could the dolphin afford to buy a house? He prawned everything!
  • How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? Burger King didn't cover his Whopper.
  • How did Frankenstein's monster eat his lunch? He bolted it down.
  • How did rich people get their money? They were calm and collected.
  • How did skeletons send each other letters in the days of the Wild West? By Bony Express.
  • How did the dog feel when he lost his flashlight? Delighted.
  • How did the dog warn its master that a Gorilla was approaching? He barked g-r-r-r-illa!
  • How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down
  • How did the fish's tail get stuck in the anchor chain? It was just a fluke!
  • How did the hail stone describe it's life? -It really has a lot of ups and downs
  • How did the little pig win at Monopoly? He built hotels on Pork Place.
  • How did the telephones get married? In a double ring ceremony!
  • How did you find the weather at camp? It was easy. I just went outside - and there it was!
  • How do Filipinos count money? One-a, two-a, three-a, four-a, another-a . . .
  • How do Italian Chefs swap recipes? By Spaghett-e-mail!
  • How do Religious Education teachers mark exams? With spirit levels.
  • How do angels greet each other? They say, Halo.
  • How do ants hide from aardvarks? They disguise themselves as uncles!
  • How do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
  • How do cats eat spaghetti? The same as everyone else - they put it in their mouths!
  • How do fireflies lose weight? They burn calories.
  • How do fireflies start a race? Ready steady glow!
  • How do fireflies start a race? Ready, steady, glow!
  • How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs? They sit eggsaminations!
  • How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites? They take a gallop poll!
  • How do really posh dogs send messages? By predigree-mail.
  • How do snowmen read their e-mails? With an icy-stare!
  • How do stones stop moths eating your clothes? Because rolling stones gather no moths!
  • How do vampire football players get the mud off? They all get in the bat-tub.
  • How do we know hamburgers have high IQ's? They 'loin' fast!
  • How do we know that Apes are like fish after a rainstorm? They'll both bite at anything!
  • How do we know that hamburgers love classic music? They're often found at the Meatropolitan Opera House and Cownegie Hall!
  • How do whales type e-mails? With their fish fingers.
  • How do you address a monster? Very politely.
  • How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? Phone her.
  • How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
  • How do you confuse a man? You don't - they're born that way.
  • How do you confuse an idiot? Give him two spades and ask him to take his pick.
  • How do you cook vegatables in the microwave? Take them out their wheelchair.
  • How do you dial a pushbutton phone?
  • How do you find where a flea has bitten you? Start from scratch!
  • How do you find white shirts on the Internet? Use a starch engine.
  • How do you get a Texas Tech senior's eyes to sparkle? Shine a flashlight in his ears.
  • How do you get an elephant into a matchbox? Take all the matches out first!
  • How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
  • How do you get the most apples when bobbing at Halloween Wear a snorkel!
  • How do you hire an elephant? Stand it on four bricks!
  • How do you join a Vampire Fan Club? Send your name, address and blood group.
  • How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard? Put him in your back yard.
  • How do you kill a blonde? Give them a gun an say it is a blow dryer
  • How do you know a Brigham Young student's been mowing the lawn? The welcome mat is destroyed.
  • How do you know accountants have no imagination? They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.
  • How do you know if you cat's got a bad cold? He has cat-arrh!
  • How do you know if your little brother is turning into a fridge? See if a little light come on whenever he opens his mouth!
  • How do you know that a elephant's been in the fridge? There are foot prints in the butter.
  • How do you know there's a blonde secretary working in an office? The boss is always smiling.
  • How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? You wake up wet!
  • How do you make a Venetian blind? Poke him in the eye
  • How do you make a bandstand? Take away their chairs
  • How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle? Shine a light in her ear...
  • How do you make a dog float? Take two scoops of ice cream, a couple of squirts of soda and a small dog.
  • How do you make a hamburger smile? Pickle it gently!
  • How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
  • How do you measure a Villanova graduate's I. Q. ? With a tire gauge.
  • How do you pamper your parents? That depends.
  • How do you raise a baby elephant? With a fork lift truck!
  • How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
  • How do you separate the Greek boys from the Greek men at a Greek BBQ? With a Crowbar! ! ! ! !
  • How do you shoot a great white shark? Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun!
  • How do you spell a hated opponent with three letters? NME (enemy).
  • How do you spell mousetrap in just three letters? C-A-T.
  • How do you spell we with two letters without using the letters W and E? U and I.
  • How do you spell wrong? R? o? n? g. That's wrong. That's what you asked for, isn't it?
  • How do you spot a modern spider? He doesn't have a web he had a website!
  • How do you start an insect race? One, two, flea - go
  • How do you start your days? Good morning Lord or Good Lord, morning.
  • How do you stop a dog howling in the back of a car? Put him in the front.
  • How do you stop an angry elephant from charging? Take away it's credit cards!
  • How do you take a pig to hospital? By hambulance!
  • How do you turn a Fox into a Pit Bull? Marry her!
  • How does James Bond type e-mails? With his goldfinger.
  • How does Robin hood send messages around Sherwood Forest? By tree mail!
  • How does Santa Claus take pictures? With his North Pole-aroid.
  • How does a New York University psychology major turn on his lights in the morning? By opening the car door.
  • How does a Snowman get to work? By icicle.
  • How does a baboon make phone calls? He just monkeys around on the line!
  • How does a barber make phone calls? He cuts them short.
  • How does a burger acquire good taste? With a little seasoning!
  • How does a cat count? One, mew, three.
  • How does a door chime answer the phone? Bella?
  • How does a football player make phone calls? On a touch-down phone.
  • How does a ghost start a letter? Tomb it may concern.
  • How does a male lightning bolt feel when he notices an attractive female lightning bolt? Thunderstruck
  • How does a pig write home? With a pig pen.
  • How does a queen bee get around her hive? She's throne!
  • How does a vampire get through life with only one fang? He has to grin and bare it.
  • How does a witch doctor ask a girl to dance? 'Voodoo like to dance with me? '
  • How does an elephant get down from a tree? He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn!
  • How does every ethnic joke start? By looking over your shoulder.
  • How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!
  • How does the pig farmer get to the fair? He rides piggyback.
  • How easy is it for wind gusts to talk to each other? -It is a breeze
  • How far high failure overleaps the bounds of low success. -Sir Lewis Morris
  • How is a casino like a woman? Liquor in the front, poker in the back!
  • How is a cat laying down like a coin? Because he has his head on one side and his tail on the other.
  • How is a rabbit like a plum? They're both purple, except for the rabbit.
  • How is a telephone like a dirty bathtub? They both have rings!
  • How is it possible to have a civil war?
  • How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • How long does it take to learn poker, Dad? All your life, son. Michael Pertwee
  • How long will a floating point operation float?
  • How many Borderline P. D. does to take to change a lightbulb? Just one. To threaten suicide if you don't change it for him/her.
  • How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb? One, to generate a ChangeLightBulb event to the socket.
  • How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? ... None, the seeds of revolution and change are within the lightbulb itself.
  • How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.
  • How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Bill Gates will just redefine "Darkness(TM)" as the new standard.
  • How many Serbs does in take to change a Lighbulb? It doesn't matter. . Theres a Blackout!
  • How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing? Four. One to cut the hole in the ice, and three to push the boat through.
  • How many applicants does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but 200 applied for the job.
  • How many cashiers does it take to change a light bulb? Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar bill.
  • How many chimney does Father Christmas go down? Stacks!
  • How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb? Twelve. One to change the bulb, and eleven to do the paperwork.
  • How many editors does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but first he has to rewire the entire building.
  • How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it takes eight million years.
  • How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb? Four - three to cut a hole in the roof and one to change the bulb.
  • How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb? We just report the facts, we don't change them.
  • How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? Never enough.
  • How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, cuz ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him.
  • How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down? Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.
  • How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just have a nursing assistant do it. As much as the doctor orders.
  • How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb? ... Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
  • How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? How long have you been having this phantasy?
  • How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Why does the light bulb necessarily have to change?
  • How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb? How many do you think it takes?
  • How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits.
  • How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.
  • How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? None. The light bulb will change itself when it's ready.
  • How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
  • How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.
  • How many seasons are there in a dogs life? Just one, the moulting season!
  • How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly? Just a phew!
  • How many students does it take to change a light bulb? None. Light bulb changing isn't in the course notes.
  • How many weeks are there in a light year?
  • How much caramel can a canny canonball cram in a camel if a canny canonball can cram caramel in a camel?
  • How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
  • How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
  • How much more grevious are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. -Marcus Aurelius. - Marcus Aurelius
  • How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. (from the Sufis). -Wayne Dyer
  • How should you send a letter to the Easter Bunny? By hare mail!
  • How to Get There by Ridya Bike
  • How to cats greet each other at Christmas? A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year!
  • How to succeed? Try hard enough. -Malcolm Forbes
  • How to you know that cows will be in heaven? It's a place of udder delight.
  • How to you tell the difference between an elephant and a mouse? Try picking them up!
  • How was the hamburger murdered? First it was 'rolled, ' then smothered in onions
  • How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single minute before starting to improve the world. -Anne Frank
  • How you think when you lose determines how long it will be until you win. -G.k Chesterton
  • Howard Aiken~ Dont worry about people stealing an idea. If its original you will have to ram it down their throats.
  • Howard Aiken~ Dont worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good youll have to ram them down peoples throats.
  • Howard Aiken~ Time has a wonderful way of weeding out the trivial.
  • Howard Dietz~ I dont like composers who think. It gets in the way of their plagiarism.
  • Howard Hendricks~ Nothing is more common than unfulfilled potential.
  • Howard Newton~ People forget how fast you did a job - but they remember how well you did it.
  • Hubert Humphrey~ Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.
  • Hubert Humphrey~ It is not what they take away from you that counts. Its what you do with what you have left.
  • Hubert Humphrey~ The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love.
  • Hubert Humphrey~ The hardest job for a politician today is to have the courage to be a moderate. Its easy to take an extreme position.
  • Hugh Downs~ A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
  • Hugh Elliott~ If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
  • Hugh Elliott~ When a miracle happens even if not to you its nature is to naturally expand. You can almost feel the warmth on your face.
  • Hugh Prather~ Fear is static that prevents me from hearing my intuition.
  • Hugs are not measured by quantity; they are measured by quality.
  • Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons. - R. Buckminster Fuller
  • Humans are like tea bags. They never realize their strength until they are put in hot water.
  • Humphrey Bogart~ The only reason to have money is to tell any SOB in the world to go to hell.~ );
  • Humpty Dumpty didn't fall...he was pushed.
  • Hurry dog eats raw meat.
  • Hurry when you have time, then you'll have time when you are in a hurry.
  • Husband: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body? Wife: Your sense of humor.
  • Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her. [Ephesians 5:25]. - Bible
  • Hyman Rickover~ It is necessary for us to learn from others mistakes. You will not live long enough to make them all yourself.
  • Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.
  • I Believe In Life Before Death
  • I Brake For No Apparent Reason.
  • I Ching~ Perseverance alone does not assure success. No amount of stalking will lead to game in a field that has none.
  • I Give Evolution Two Opposeable Thumbs Up.
  • I Have PMS And A Sword--Any Questions?
  • I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.
  • I SAW that -- God
  • I add this, that rational ability without education has oftener raised man to glory and virtue, than education without natural ability.
  • I always entertain great hopes. -Robert Frost
  • I always wanted to be a procrastinator; never got around to it.
  • I am NOT a cat. I am - A hair relocation expert.
  • I am NOT a cat. I am - A nice animal, frequently mistaken for a meatloaf.
  • I am NOT a cat. I am - A small furry beast resembling a meatloaf.
  • I am NOT a cat. I am - A small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist.
  • I am NOT a cat. I am - A wildlife control expert impersonator.
  • I am NOT a cat. I am - Can opener radar.
  • I am NOT a cat. I am - Murphy's way of saying Nice Furniture.
  • I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
  • I am always busy, which is perhaps the chief reason why I am always well. -Elizabeth Cady Stanton
  • I am bound to furnish my antagonists with arguments, but not with comprehension. - Lord Byron (George Gordon Noel Byron)
  • I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business. -Michael J. Fox
  • I am definitely going to take a course on time management... just as soon as I can work it into my schedule. -Louis E. Boone
  • I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and come down to you? -Bible
  • I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and come down to you?. -Bible
  • I am driving this way because I want to PISS YOU OFF!
  • I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians. - Alexander The Great
  • I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. -Libbie Fudim
  • I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
  • I am his mistress. His work is his wife. -Marion Javits
  • I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship. (Louisa May Alcott)
  • I am not an organ donor, but I once gave an old piano to the Salvation Army.
  • I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.
  • I am not religious, I just love the Lord.
  • I am not riding in this thing until you learn how to drive, it's dangerous.- Ganeshah
  • I am now eased in my finances and replenished in my wardrobe. -Andrew Jackson after winning a horse race.
  • I am on a thirty day diet. So far, I have lost 15 days.
  • I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. -Mark Twain
  • I am so glad God sees the whole video tape of my life, and not just a snapshot of where I am now.
  • I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul. -William Ernest Henley
  • I am the master of my unspoken words, and a slave to those that should have remained unspoken. (Anon)
  • I believe in dragons, good men and other mythological creatures
  • I believe in grumbling; it is the politest form of fighting known. - Edgar Watson Howe
  • I believe in luck. How else can you explain the success of those you dislike? - Jean Cocteau
  • I believe in luck. The harder I work the luckier I get. - Sam Shoen
  • I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do. -Eleanor Roosevelt
  • I believe that every human mind feels pleasure in doing good to another. - Thomas Jefferson
  • I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity an obligation; every possession a duty. -John D. Rockefeller
  • I believe the true road to preeminent success in any line is to make yourself the master of that line. -Andrew Carnegie
  • I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five. ~Henny Youngman
  • I brake for hallucinations.
  • I came, I Saw, I did some shopping.
  • I can get more out of God by believing Him for one minute than by shouting at Him all night. (Smith Wigglesworth)
  • I can give you a six-word formula for success: Think things through, then follow through. -Captain Edward V. Rickenbacker
  • I can handle pain until it hurts.
  • I can hold my own. But I'd rather hold yours!
  • I can not dial 911. There's no 11 on my phone.
  • I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do!
  • I can walk on water... when it freezes
  • I can't believe that God put us on this earth to be ordinary.
  • I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. -Jimmy Dean
  • I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean the guns.
  • I can't imagine a person becoming a success who doesn't give this game of life everything he's got. -Walter Cronkite
  • I cannot give you a formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure-which is: Try to please everybody. -Herbert Bayard Swope
  • I cannot shut it any shutter.
  • I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do. That is character! - (Theodore Roosevelt)
  • I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.
  • I could think of worse ways of going than at the poker table. Al Alvarez
  • I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  • I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.
  • I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self. -Aristotle
  • I decided to get in shape, and the shape I chose was a sphere.
  • I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  • I dip my pen in the blackest ink, because I'm not afraid of falling into my inkpot. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. (Voltaire)
  • I do not have any messianic delusions. At least, that's what God told me
  • I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to!
  • I don't agree with a word you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. -Voltaire
  • I don't believe in astrology-of course, that's very typical of Leos.
  • I don't brake.
  • I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be.
  • I don't discriminate. I hate everyone equally.
  • I don't gamble, because winning a hundred dollars doesn't give me great pleasure. But losing a hundred dollars pisses me off.
  • I don't give a damn what your other car is!
  • I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
  • I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow.
  • I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
  • I don't know where you got your face from, but i hope you have the receipt.
  • I don't let my mouth say nothin' my head can't stand. -Louis Armstrong
  • I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.
  • I don't repeat gossip, so listen closely the first time.
  • I don't take it personally. Every time you open your mouth you offend someone.
  • I don't think anybody yet has invented a pastime that's as much fun, or keeps you as young, as a good job. - Frederick Hudson Ecker
  • I don't think meals have any business being deductible. I'm for separation of calories and corporations. - Ralph Nader
  • I don't think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday. -Abraham Lincoln
  • I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains.
  • I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not.
  • I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice. You don't want justice - you want mercy!
  • I don't trust President Clinton (or her husband).
  • I don't understand you. You don't understand me. What else do we have in common? - Ashleigh
  • I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.
  • I drink from Cerridwen's Cauldron
  • I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol!
  • I eat eel while you peel eel
  • I fed some lemon to my cat and now I have a sour puss.
  • I feel like a new man. Do you have one I could use?
  • I feel so much better since I've given up hope.
  • I feel that luck is preparation meeting opportunity. - Oprah Winfrey
  • I fight poverty, I work
  • I finally got it all together, but I forgot where I put it
  • I finally made my stupid computer faster; I dropped it out of the window, and it went really fast.
  • I find it unusual that it is more socially acceptable to complain about what you have than it is to ask for what you want. -Phil Lout
  • I find you want me to furnish you with argument and intellects too. No, sir, these, I protest you, are too hard for me. - Oliver Goldsmith
  • I found Jesus. He was in my trunk when I got back from Tijuana.
  • I go from zero to bitch in 3.5 seconds.
  • I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
  • I got an anonymous letter today. Oh, really - who was it from? !
  • I got kicked outta Scouts for eating a Brownie.
  • I got this motor home for my wife. BEST deal I ever made!
  • I guess I didn't get my birthday wish. How do you know? You're still here!
  • I had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: 'Outlook not so good'. I said: 'Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway'.
  • I had a good wife once. Then she went home to her husband.
  • I hate plants.. That's why I became a vegetarian!
  • I have PMS and a gun...excuse me, did you have something to say?
  • I have a dream: 1073741824 bytes free.
  • I have a spelling checkerIt came with my PC;I've run this poem threw it,Its letter perfect in it's weigh. - Janet Minor
  • I have a spelling checkerIt came with my PC;It plainly marks four my revueMistakes I cannot sea. - Janet Minor
  • I have been all things unholy; if God can work through me, He can work through anyone. -St Francis Assisi
  • I have been running the craps game since I was a juvenile delinquent. - Frank Detroit, Guys and Dolls
  • I have found it is much easier to make a success in life than to make a success of one's life. - G. W. Follin
  • I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams. -Dr. Jonas Salk
  • I have just about all I can take of myself. - S. Behrman
  • I have learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
  • I have learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
  • I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand. -Baruch Spinoza
  • I have my cats permission to use the computer.
  • I have no particular talent, I am merely extremely inquisitive. (Albert Einstein)
  • I have read the Bible--still don't believe it
  • I have replaced NT with Linux. Linux - heir of the byte that dogged me. (Allan Willis)
  • I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence!
  • I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
  • I have yet to hear a MAN ask for advice on how to combine marriage and career.
  • I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister
  • I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it.
  • I hear you lost your cat? Check under my tire.
  • I hear you've been tracing your ancestors on the internet. . . Yes - and it's a mammoth task!
  • I inhaled and I vote
  • I interfaced my cat to my radio. I just got hiss.
  • I invest, you bet, he gambles.
  • I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
  • I just sent my first e-mail. Kongratulations!
  • I just spotted a Chihuahua! That wasn't very nice, you shouldn't draw on dogs!
  • I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
  • I know UNIX, PASCAL, C, FORTRAN, COBOL, and nineteen other high-tech words.
  • I know a baseball star who wouldn't report the theft of his wife's credit cards because the thief spends less than she does. - Joe Garagiola
  • I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind. -Antoine de Saint-Exupery
  • I know milk does a body good, but damn, how much did you drink?
  • I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong. -Leo Rosten
  • I learned the value of hard work by working hard. -Margaret M. Fitzpatrick
  • I looked into a blonde's eyes, but all I saw was the back of her head!
  • I love animals- they taste great.
  • I love animals. Especially in a good gravy!
  • I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle. - Mitch Hedberg
  • I love cats. Want to trade recipes?
  • I love humanity, it's the people I can't stand. -Linus
  • I love my boss, I love my job, I'm self employed
  • I married my wife for her looks... But not the ones she's been giving me lately!
  • I might be driving slowly, but I'm still in front of you.
  • I must complain the cards are ill shuffled till I have a good hand. ~Jonathan Swift
  • I must respect the opinions of others even if I disagree with them. - Herbert Henry Lehman
  • I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book. (Groucho Marx)
  • I need a little less talk and a lot more action.
  • I need your help like I need a migrane.
  • I never did a day's work in my life. It was all fun. -Thomas Alva Edison
  • I never did anything worth doing entirely by accident and none of my inventions came about totally by accident. - Thomas Alva Edison
  • I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love. -Henry Ward Beecher
  • I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it. -William Faulkner
  • I never let my subject get in the way of what I want to talk about. -Mark Victor Hansen
  • I never saw a pessimistic general win a battle. -General Dwight David Eisenhower
  • I never saw an American Flag burned at a gun show!
  • I never see what has been done; I only see what remains to be done. -Marie Curie
  • I never spit in your drink; why do you smoke in my air?
  • I never wanted to be famous. I only wanted to be great. -Ray Charles
  • I never went to bed with an ugly woman; woke up with a few.
  • I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends. -Walt Whitman
  • I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts. . . . she gave me change!
  • I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day. - Vincent Van Gogh
  • I once saw this sign on a diner wall: "I have an agreement with the bank: they don't fry hamburgers, and I don't cash checks.".
  • I only work to enjoy when I am not working.
  • I paint objects as I think them, not as I see them. -Pablo Picasso
  • I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man.
  • I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
  • I remain just one thing, and one thing only -- and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.
  • I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday".
  • I respect your opinion. Just don't want to hear it!
  • I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
  • I saw Elvis making crop circles
  • I saw a sign that said "seeing eye dogs only" who is supposed to read this? the dog?
  • I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, Implants?
  • I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said Are you going to help? I said No, six should be enough.
  • I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free. -Michelangelo
  • I say jump, you say, how high?
  • I say waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Well throw him a doughnut - they make fantastic life belts!
  • I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!
  • I see Isis's icy eyes.
  • I see so many of my kind who have gone mad for want of something to do.
  • I shot three shy thrushes.
  • I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it is going. -Wayne Gretsky
  • I smell a rat - Thinking there is something hidden or concealed
  • I started with nothing, and I still have most of it left!
  • I take my son to McDonald's just to watch him eat and see the numbers change.
  • I take the challenge.
  • I think everyone should experience defeat at least once during their career. You learn a lot from it. -Lou Holtz
  • I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry.
  • I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
  • I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm. -Theodore Roosevelt
  • I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that. - Lauren Bacall
  • I thought, I thought of thinking of thanking you.
  • I told you not to let those pigs In my office. Now, look what's happened. They've eaten all the dates off my calendar!
  • I took a philosophy test that asked us to explain Nothingness. I left it blank.
  • I tried sniffing Coke once. The ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
  • I tried to send an e-mail and broke my computer. How do you manage that? I think it was when I tried to push it through the letterbox.
  • I try to make sacrifices, but the goat got away and I couldn't find a virgin anywhere!
  • I understand that's Animal Magic is your favorite show because so many of your relatives are on it.
  • I used to be Snow White...but I drifted. (Mae West)
  • I used to be a schizophrenic until they cured me, now I'm just lonely.
  • I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
  • I used to be religious, then I got saved!
  • I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
  • I used to have schizophrenia, but we're better now.
  • I used to want to pack as much as I could into my life, but now I realize it's more about quality of life than quantity.
  • I value all things only by the price they shall gain in eternity.
  • I want it said of me by those who knew me best, that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower where I thought a flower would grow.
  • I want my rib back!
  • I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself. -Aldous Huxley
  • I was angry with my friend: I told my wrath, my wrath die end. I was angry with my foe; I told it not, my wrath did grow. - William Blake
  • I was given the ultimatum 3 weeks ago. She said it's me or your fishing. Gee I miss her.
  • I was going to waste, but Jesus recycled me.
  • I was in the zoo last week. Really? Which cage were you in?
  • I wash my hands of those who imagine chattering to be knowledge, silence to be ignorance, and affection to be art. -Kahlil Gibran
  • I wear my wife's eyeglasses because she wants me to see things her way. (Jayson Feinburg)
  • I will never trust someone called GATES that sells WINDOWS. (Federico Roman)
  • I will not surrender responsibility for my life and my actions. - John Enoch Powell
  • I will survive.
  • I wish life has a scroll back buffer.
  • I wish to wash my Irish wristwatch.
  • I wish you were a fish in my dish
  • I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?
  • I wonder what happened to that dumb blonde I went out with. I dyed my hair!
  • I would give all the wealth of the world, and all the deeds of all the heroes, for one true vision. -Henry David Thoreau
  • I would help you out but I did not see where you came in.
  • I would if I could! But I can't, so I won't!
  • I would rather attempt something great and fail than attempt to do nothing and succeed. -Robert Schuller
  • I would rather be able to appreciate things I can not have than to have things I am not able to appreciate. -Elbert Hubbard
  • I would rather be adorned by beauty of character than jewels. Jewels are the gift of fortune, while character comes from within. -Plautus
  • I would rather fail in a cause that will ultimately triumph than to triumph in a cause that will ultimately fail. -Woodrow Wilson
  • I would rather fail in an attempt at something new and uncharted than safely succeed in a repeat of something I have done. -A. E. Hotchner
  • I would rather lose in a cause that I know some day will triumph than to triumph in a cause that I know some day will fail.
  • I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think "Hey, maybe I wrote that."
  • I'd give up chocolate, but I'm no quitter
  • I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
  • I'd like a new frog, please. But you bought one only yesterday. What happened? It Kermit-ted suicide.
  • I'd like to say something nice about you as it's your birthday. Why don't you? Because I can't think of a single thing to say!
  • I'd love to make up my mind, but I can't remember where I left it.
  • I'd rather be dead than red. (60's cliche).
  • I'd rather be hunting
  • I'd rather be playing golf
  • I'd rather do something and fail than do nothing and succeed!
  • I'll always be Number 1 to myself. -Moses Malone
  • I'll chew and chew until my jaws drop.
  • I'll go to YOUR hell if you go to mine ;}
  • I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
  • I'm Pro Choice and I Vote!
  • I'm a bomb technician, if you see me running, try to keep up.
  • I'm a geek with a journalism degree. I suppose that makes me overqualified for a job with ZDNet. Darn.
  • I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  • I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
  • I'm an imbecile and I vote!
  • I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar!
  • I'm back by popular demand.
  • I'm doing my part to piss off the Religious Reich
  • I'm glad I bumped into you today.
  • I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to work.
  • I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
  • I'm learning ancient history? So am I, lets go for a walk and talk over old times!
  • I'm looking for the right pedestrian to run over.
  • I'm looking for true love. But I'll settle for cheap sex.
  • I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
  • I'm not a genius. I'm just a tremendous bundle of experience. -Buckminster Fuller
  • I'm not a schizophrenic. And neither am I.
  • I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship. - Louisa May Alcott
  • I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship. -Louisa May Alcott
  • I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong!
  • I'm not as think as you confused I am.
  • I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
  • I'm not born again, my mother got it right the first time.
  • I'm not lost-I'm born again!
  • I'm not playing with myself, I'm just adjusting my jewellery.
  • I'm not saying my boyfriend is thick, but yesterday when we had a gas leak he put a bucket under it
  • I'm not speeding. I'm just qualifying.
  • I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it!
  • I'm not tailgating, I'm drafting!
  • I'm not trying to prove anybody wrong, I'm just trying to prove something to myself. - Mike Piazza
  • I'm only driving this because aliens ate my Volvo
  • I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
  • I'm serious; it was a joke.
  • I'm shy, but I have a big dick!
  • I'm the boss. ... My cat said so..
  • I'm the one Jesus warned you about. -- Muhammad.
  • I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
  • I've Been Bitten! by A. Flea
  • I've Got Nothing Against God... It's His Fan Club I Can't Stand
  • I've a cat in my lap and I can't get up.
  • I've given up bowling for sex because you don't have to take your shoes off and the balls are lighter.
  • I've got my eye on you.
  • I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't. -Sir Nathan Rothschild
  • I've got trouble with the wife again - she came into the bar looking for me and I asked for her number.
  • I've just come back from the beauty parlour. Pity it was closed!
  • I've learned that I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way. - Andy Rooney
  • I've learned that being kind is more important than being right. - Andy Rooney
  • I've learned that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. - Andy Rooney
  • I've learned that love, not time, heals all wounds. - Andy Rooney
  • I've learned that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. - Andy Rooney
  • I've learned that opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss. - Andy Rooney
  • I've learned that the Lord didn't do it all in one day - what makes me think that I can? - Andy Rooney
  • I've learned that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere. - Andy Rooney
  • I've learned that when you're in love, it shows. - Andy Rooney
  • I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"
  • I've only been jogging once and feel ten years older already.
  • I've searched all the parks in all the cities and found no statues of committees. -G.k Chesterton
  • I've seen her wrestle, now I'm gonna see her box.
  • INNOVATION is the process of turning ideas into manufacturable and marketable form. - Watts Humprey
  • INSERT INTO `fam_quotes` VALUES insert into quotedb values
  • Ian J. Davenport~ Its counter to common sense but common sense is only based on a very small subset of the universe.
  • If A equal success, then the formula is A equals X plus Y and Z, with X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut.
  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  • If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed. . . Oh, wait a minute, he already does.
  • If Darwin is right, you'll be a monkey's uncle!
  • If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
  • If FedEx and Ups merged, would they call it Fed UP?
  • If God Created Man in his own picture, I really think, I prefer Satan
  • If God always was and always will be, why weren't we born 100 years ago?
  • If God doesn't like something about me, let him tell me, not you.
  • If God dropped acid, would he see people?
  • If God had not meant us to write on walls, he would never have given us an example.
  • If God is your Copilot - swap seats!
  • If God is your co-pilot, switch seats with Him!
  • If I could say it in words there would be no reason to paint. -Edward Hopper
  • If I had my life to live over I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life. (Erma Bombeck)
  • If I had some idea of a finish line, don't you think I would have crossed it years ago? -Richard M. Devos
  • If I had the money and the drinking capacity, I'd probably live at a roulette table and let my life go to hell. - Michael Ventura
  • If I have seen further than others, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants. -Sir Isaac Newton
  • If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional.
  • If I said you have a beautiful body would you hold it against me?
  • If I would be happy, I would be a bad ballplayer. With me, when I get mad, it puts energy in my body. -Roberto Clemente
  • If I've learned anything in the past quarter century, it is that we cannot federalize virtue. -George Bush
  • If Jesus had grown up to be an agent, instead of walking on water would he have walked on people?
  • If Jesus restored the power of speech to a parrot, would it still be considered a miracle?
  • If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping-gong and died, what would they put on his coffin? A lid.
  • If Microsoft were to vanish, who would we hate next?
  • If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, how many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
  • If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called? A subordinate claus.
  • If Sex is like Chocolate, let gets drunk and make Cocoa!
  • If You Are Against Abortion Get A Vasectomy.
  • If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over.
  • If a band plays music in a thunderstorm, who is most likely to get hit by lightning? The conductor.
  • If a bare berry could carry berries?
  • If a beagle can't play a bugle in the marching band, what's his other favorite instrument to play? A trombone.
  • If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
  • If a cat begins to fall, his inner ear canal (which controls balance) will help him right himself and land on his feet.
  • If a cat is a flabby tabby, then what is a very small cat? An itty bitty kitty.
  • If a cat is frightened, the hair stands up fairly evenly all over the body.
  • If a cats tail is erect with the whole length or tip quivering gently: The cat is showing affection.
  • If a cats tail is slightly raised and softly curved: The cat is beginning to get interested in something.
  • If a cats tail is still, but the tip is twitching intensely: The cat is very annoyed.
  • If a cats tail is still, but the tip is twitching occasionally: The cat is slightly irritated or pensive.
  • If a cats tail is straight up and fully bristled: The cat is showing aggression (toward another cat).
  • If a flea and a fly pass each other what time is it? Fly past flea.
  • If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
  • If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger? A stri-ped!
  • If a little knowledge is dangerous, where is the man who has so much as to be out of danger? - Thomas Henry Huxley
  • If a male cat is both orange and black it is (besides being extremely rare) sterile.
  • If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
  • If a man was born in England, raised in America and died in Spain, what does that make him? Dead.
  • If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky? - Stanislaw J. Lec
  • If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky? -Stanislaw J. Lec
  • If a man with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, would it be considered a hostage situation?
  • If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  • If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size? - Sydney J. Harris
  • If a strange scent or stranger appears nearby a kitten will give a defensive hiss which also alerts their mother of a possible threat.
  • If a team is to reach its potential, each player must be willing to subordinate his personal goals to the good of the team.
  • If a trainstation is where the train stops, what's a workstation...? - Anonymous
  • If a word in a dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
  • If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
  • If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?
  • If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does an astronaut get? Missile toe.
  • If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport
  • If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
  • If at first you don't succeed, Change the rules
  • If at first you don't succeed, aim lower.
  • If at first you don't succeed, cheat!
  • If at first you don't succeed, click undo
  • If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  • If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. -Susan Ohanian
  • If at first you don't succeed, destroy the evidence.
  • If at first you don't succeed, failure could be your style
  • If at first you don't succeed, it must be someone elses fault. Find them.
  • If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
  • If at first you don't succeed, remove any evidence that you even tried.
  • If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • If at first you don't succeed, suicide is not for you.
  • If at first you don't succeed, then maybe you just suck
  • If at first you don't succeed, think how many people you've made happy.
  • If at first you don't succeed, think how many people you've made happy. -H. Duane Black
  • If at first you don't succeed, try again then try something else, or else your waisting your time.
  • If athletes get athlete's foot, then what do astronauts get? Missile toe.
  • If beef comes from a cow and ham from a pig, why do they put beef in hamburgers?
  • If cats and dogs can live together, why can't men and women?
  • If colored caterpillars could change their colors constantly could they keep their colored coat colored properly?
  • If corn oil comes from corn....where does baby oil come from?
  • If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
  • If crime fighters fight crime, and fire fighters fight fire, then what do freedom fighters fight?
  • If doors have a website shouldn't windows have one too? We'd better, or it will be curtains for us.
  • If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane!
  • If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  • If evolution were a fact then cats would use can openers.
  • If fire fighters fight fire and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
  • If he was any slower, he'd be going in reverse.
  • If ignorance is bliss, Washington must be paradise!
  • If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.
  • If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
  • If it is worth doing, it is worth overdoing!
  • If it is worth doing, it is worth overdoing! (Stacey Brown)
  • If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck...
  • If it wasn't for plumbers, you'd have no place to go.
  • If it were not for hopes, the heart would break. -Thomas Fuller
  • If it weren't for electricity we would all be watching television by candlelight.
  • If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
  • If its not a baby-- you're not pregnant!
  • If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives.
  • If life were easy, then it would be boring.
  • If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament!
  • If men could get pregnant, nobody would have ever THOUGHT of abortion.
  • If money could talk, it would say goodbye!
  • If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
  • If one desires a change, one must be that change before that change can take place. -Gita Bellin
  • If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
  • If one takes pride in one's craft, you won't let a good thing die. Risking it through not pushing hard enough is not a humility. - Paul Keating
  • If only closed minds, came with closed mouths.
  • If our gifts are not surrendered to God, we tend to beat people over the head with them.
  • If people like you they'll listen to you, but if they trust you they'll do business with you. -Zig Ziglar
  • If people turn to look at you on the street, you are not well dressed. - Beau Brummel
  • If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
  • If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
  • If raindrops were kisses, I would send you a storm. (Natasha Isabelle)
  • If reality wants to get in touch, it knows where I am.
  • If someone is too tired to give you a smile, leave one of your own, because no one needs a smile as much as those who have none to give.
  • If someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.
  • If success attend me, grant me humility; If failure, resignation to Thy will.
  • If suffering brings wisdom, I would wish to be less wise. (W.B. Yeats)
  • If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
  • If the Pilgrims came over on the Mayflower, how did the barbers arrive? On clipper ships.
  • If the career you have chosen has some unexpected inconvenience, console yourself by reflecting that no career is without them. - Johnson
  • If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him that he has the right to remain silent?
  • If the desire to need is measured by the value of something, then you my darling are quite simply priceless. (Derek Breslin)
  • If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite. -William Blake
  • If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be discarded.
  • If the grass on the other side of the fence appears greener...it must be all the fertiliser they are using!
  • If the grass on the other side of the fence appears greener...it must be all the fertiliser they are using! (Kevin Rodowicz)
  • If the host is the body of Christ, is it OK to add a little A-1 Sauce?
  • If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough. -Meister Eckhardt
  • If the road you travel, has no obstacles, It leads nowhere.
  • If the shoe fits, wear it.
  • If the speed of light is 186,000 mph, what is the speed of dark?
  • If the truth be known, most successes are built on a multitude of failures. -Author unknown
  • If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space?
  • If the wind stops, row!
  • If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
  • If the world is going to end at midnight 2000, which time zone will God use?
  • If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat? None. They were copy cats.
  • If there were no problems, most of us would be unemployed. -Zig Ziglar
  • If they can send a man to the moon why can't they send them all?
  • If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
  • If this car were a horse, I'd have to shoot it
  • If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. (Abraham Lincoln)
  • If this is living, I'd rather be dead.
  • If today was a fish, I'd throw it back in the river.
  • If twenty dogs run after one cat, what time is it? Twenty after one.
  • If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one ofthem, would you read the paper or go to lunch?
  • If unix is the face of the future I wanna go back to quill pens. - Gene Spafford
  • If we are to survive, we must have ideas, vision, and courage. These things are rarely produced by committees. -Arthur Schlesinger
  • If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
  • If we can put a man on the moon, why not all of them?
  • If we conducted ourselves as sensibly in good times as we do in hard times, we could all acquire a competence.
  • If we do not find anything very pleasant, at least we shall find something new. -Voltaire
  • If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living. -Gail Sheehy
  • If we have a moment of silence in public schools, shouldn't we also have a moment of noise in Bible schools?
  • If we preach what we live....We don't ever have to worry about practicing what we preach!
  • If we quit voting, will they all go away?
  • If we strive, if we work, if we try, to the best of ourselves, then we are in the line of our duty.
  • If we weren't meant to keep starting over, would God have granted us monday?
  • If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment. -Henry David Thoreau
  • If we'd confess our sins to one another we'd all laugh at the lack of originality.
  • If what you're working for really matters, you'll give it all you've got. -Nido Qubein
  • If women are from Venus, then why can't we send them back?
  • If you are not fired with enthusiasm, then you will be fired with enthusiasm. (Vince Lombardi)
  • If you are not getting as much from life as you want to, then examine the state of your enthusiasm. -Norman Vincent Peale
  • If you are not leaning, no one will let you down.
  • If you are truly flexible and go until... there is really very little you can't accomplish in your lifetime. -Anthony Robbins
  • If you are willing to admit you are wrong when you are wrong, you are all right.
  • If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation. (Jiddu Krishnamurti)
  • If you can lay your head on your pillow each night knowing you gave hundred per cent to your day, success will find you. -Russell L. Mason
  • If you can not find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it? -Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • If you can read this, I am heartfully sorry.
  • If you can read this, thank your teacher.
  • If you can read this, there's someone in front of me.
  • If you can read this, you are inquisitive.
  • If you can read this:- you are too damn close.
  • If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
  • If you can't beat 'em, join'em.
  • If you can't dance, don't blame the dance floor.
  • If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, BAFFLE them with bullshit!
  • If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.
  • If you can't say something nice about somebody, then you've come to the right place.
  • If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.
  • If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
  • If you can't stand the kitchen, get a real job.
  • If you can't tie good knots... tie many.
  • If you cannot win, make the one ahead of you break the record. -Jan Mckeithen
  • If you care enough for a result, you will most certainly attain it. -William James
  • If you chase two rabbits, both will escape. -Author unknown
  • If you create a character, you create a destiny. -Andre Maurois
  • If you crossed a cow with Michael Jackson, what song would you get? Beeflt!
  • If you crossed a cow with a goat, what would you get? Half and half!
  • If you crossed two cows with a flock of ducks, what would you get? Milk and quackers!
  • If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
  • If you don't ask, you don't get. - Mahatma Gandhi
  • If you don't double-click me, I can't do anything. - Anonymous
  • If you don't drive your business, you will be driven out of business. - B. C. Forbes
  • If you don't have a dream, how are you going to make a dream come true? -Oscar Hammerstein
  • If you don't have a vision, nothing happens. -Christopher Reeve
  • If you don't hurry up and let life know what you want, life will damned soon show you what you'll get. -Robertson Davies
  • If you don't like my attitude, stop looking at my Stickers!
  • If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk.
  • If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain. -Maya Angelou
  • If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
  • If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
  • If you don't run your own life, somebody else will. - John Atkinson
  • If you drink like a fish - swim, don't drive
  • If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
  • If you ever need a helping hand, there is one at the end of your arm.
  • If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results. -Jack Dixon
  • If you forget you have to struggle for improvement you go backward. -Geoffrey Hickson
  • If you get any closer, you'd better have a condom
  • If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
  • If you go as far as you can see, you will then see enough to go even farther. -John Wooden
  • If you have a job without aggravations, you don't have a job. -Malcolm Forbes
  • If you have accomplished all that you have planned for yourself, you have not planned enough. -Edward Everett Hale
  • If you have fear of those that command you, spare those that obey you. -Rabbi Ben Azai
  • If you have much, give of your wealth; if you have little, give of your heart.
  • If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent. (Bette Davis)
  • If you have the desire, you are halfway there.
  • If you have the desire, you are halfway there. (E. Crique)
  • If you have time to worry, you have time to pray.
  • If you haven't gotten to where you are going, you aren't there yet.
  • If you judge people, you have no time to love them. -Mother Teresa
  • If you keep on cursing I'll just prolong the traffic.-- God
  • If you learn from your mistakes, then why ain't I a genius?
  • If you like my bumper, you'd love my headlights.
  • If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you. (Winnie the Pooh)
  • If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
  • If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were. - Anonymous
  • If you love something let it go, and if it comes back - that doesn't mean a damn thing; it can just leave you again later. - Unknown
  • If you love the life you live, you will live a life of love. -Unknown Author
  • If you made an arrow with the Holy Spirit's feathers, could you shoot it into infinity?
  • If you make a cow angry, how will she get even? She'll cream you!
  • If you make a living, if you earn your own money, you're free - however free one can be on this planet. - Theodore H. White
  • If you must drink and drive, drink Pepsi!
  • If you need a loan, who do you see in the bank? The Loan Arranger (Lone Ranger).
  • If you once turn on your side after the hour at which you ought to rise, it is all over. Bolt up at once. -Sir Walter Scott
  • If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody. -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
  • If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
  • If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life. -Abraham Maslow
  • If you play it safe in life, you've decided that you don't want to grow anymore. -Shirley Hufstedler
  • If you put a small value on yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price. -Unknown Author
  • If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought. -Pilgrims
  • If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you. -Calvin Coolidge
  • If you set the example, you won't need to set many rules. (Mama Zigler)
  • If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
  • If you step in a puddle, don't blame the puddle.
  • If you take an Oriental person and spin himaround several times, does he become disoriented?
  • If you take responsibility for yourself you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams. -Les Brown
  • If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
  • If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. -Mark Twain
  • If you think I'm a lousy driver, wait until you see me putt.
  • If you think education is expensive, try ignorance!
  • If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
  • If you think life is bad, wait 'til you get to Hell!
  • If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments. -Earl Wilson
  • If you think this car is dirty, then you should spend a night with the driver!
  • If you throw a great Ape into one of the Great Lakes, what will it become? Wet!
  • If you took an IQ test, the results would be negative
  • If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
  • If you try to get my gun, don't expect to get my trust
  • If you underestimate protocol, you've never had a cat.
  • If you walked into Netscape headquarters with a plain old modem from CompUSA they'd think it was a garage-door opener. - Walter Mossberg
  • If you want a country run by religion, move to Iran.
  • If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
  • If you want breakfast in bed, then start sleeping in the kitchen.
  • If you want greater prosperity in your life, start forming a vacuum to receive it. -Catherine Ponder
  • If you want the best seat in the house, move the cat.
  • If you want to achieve a high goal, you're going to have to take some chances. -Alberto Salazar
  • If you want to achieve excellence, you can get there today. As of this second, quit doing less-than-excellent work. -Thomas Watson
  • If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road.
  • If you want to be a writer-stop talking about it and sit down and write!. -Jackie Collins
  • If you want to be well liked never lie about yourself, and be careful when telling the truth about others.
  • If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money can't buy. (Robert Marlowe)
  • If you want to get across an idea, wrap it up in a person. - Ralph Bunche
  • If you want to give God a good laugh, tell Him what YOUR plans are...
  • If you want to win anything-a race, your self, your life-you have to go a little berserk. -George Sheehan
  • If you want world peace, fight for justice.
  • If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others. -Haim Ginott
  • If you were on trial for being a Christian--- would there be enough evidence to convict you?
  • If you will discipline yourself to make your mind self-sufficient you will thereby be least vulnerable to injury from the outside. - Critias Of Athens
  • If you wish to make a man your enemy, tell him simply, You are wrong. This method works every time. -Henry Link
  • If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears. -Glenn Clark
  • If you wish your merit to be known, acknowledge that of other people.
  • If you would be loved, love, and be loveable. -Benjamin Franklin
  • If you would find happiness and joy, lose your life in some noble cause. A worthy purpose must be at the center of every worthy life.
  • If you would know a man, observe how your cat treats him.
  • If you would not be known to do anything, never do it. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • If you your lips would keep from slips, Five things observe with care: Of whom you speak, to whom you speak, And how and when and where.
  • If you're 9 months premature then you're just a stain
  • If you're a champion, you have to have it in your heart. -Chris Evert
  • If you're born again, do you have two belly buttons?
  • If you're fishing on ice, you should never tell a joke on ice. WHY? ? ? The ice will crack up!
  • If you're happy and you know it, see a shrink.
  • If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
  • If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances. ~Julia Sorel (Rosalyn Drexler), See How She Runs, 1978
  • If you're not rich, it's because you think like a poor person. Love rich people and you will become like them.
  • If you're not the lead dog, the scenery never changes
  • If you're only as old as you feel, how come I can't retire yet? (Robin Alumbaugh)
  • If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
  • If you're sincere, praise is effective. If you're insincere, it's manipulative. -Zig Ziglar
  • If you're such a geek, why are all of your clocks flashing 12:00?
  • If you're too busy to give your neighbor a helping hand, then you're just too darned busy. -Marie T. Freeman
  • If your OS needs a virus detector... RUN!!! ...Out and buy Linux! (Tim Wright)
  • If your cat likes snuggling with all other pets like dogs - then your cat is a Sphynx.
  • If your cat looks like an alien from a movie and his eyes are sparkling with the same unbelievable light - then your cat is a Sphynx.
  • If your energy is as boundless as your ambition, total commitment may be a way of life you should seriously consider. -Dr. Joyce Brothers
  • If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat.
  • If your friends/family come over to visit and say oh my god, is that a cat or dog? or ooooh thats soooo ugly - then your cats a sphynx.
  • Iggy Pop~ They say that death kills you But death doesnt kill you. Boredom and indifference kill you.
  • Igloo Buildingby S Keemo
  • Ignas Bernstein~ Three things you can be judged by your voice your face and your disposition.
  • Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. (Euripides)
  • Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. - Edward Flaherty
  • Ignore your rights and they'll go away!
  • Igor Fyodorovich Stravinsky~ Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
  • Ike ships ice chips in ice chips ships.
  • Illiterate? Write for our free brochure.
  • Imagination decides everything. -Blaise Pascal
  • Imagination gives you the picture. Vision gives you the impulse to make the picture your own. -Robert Collier
  • Imagination is intelligence having fun.
  • Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Albert Einstein
  • Imagination is the eye of the soul. -Joubert
  • Imagination is the highest kite one can fly. -Lauren Bacall
  • Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers...
  • Immanuel Kant~ May you live your life as if the maxim of your actions were to become universal law.
  • Immanuel Kant~ So act that your principle of action might safely be made a law for the whole world.
  • Impeach the President... and Fire Bill, too.
  • Imports are like tampons, every pussy has one!
  • Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings."
  • In 1987, cats overtook dogs as the number one pet in America (about 50 million cats resided in 24 million homes in 1986).
  • In Finland it was thought that black cats were thought to carry the souls of the dead to the other world.
  • In India it is thought that a reincarnated soul may be liberated by throwing a black cat into a fire.
  • In Perfect Love & Perfect Trust
  • In Vegas they'll bet on anything. One casino was ready to let me bet on whether I'd win or lose there.
  • In a 'round about way.
  • In a few years there will be only five kings in the world - the King of England and the four kings in a pack of cards. - Farouk I
  • In a game of poker, I can put the players' souls in my pocket. Beausourire, Haitian Poker Player
  • In a gentle way, you can shake the world. -Mahatma Gandhi
  • In a survey of American women, when asked, Would you sleepwith President Clinton? 86% replied, Not again
  • In a world full of caterpillars, it takes balls to be a butterfly.
  • In a world without fences who needs Gates?
  • In actual life every great enterprise begins with and takes its first forward step in faith. -Friedrich Schlegel
  • In adversity, remember to keep an even mind. -Horace
  • In an average year, American cat owners spend $2.15 billion on cat food and $295 million on kitty litter.
  • In arguing, too, the parson own'd his skill, For even though vanquished he could argue still. - Oliver Goldsmith
  • In business for yourself, not by yourself. -Ray Kroc
  • In cities no one is quiet but many are lonely. In the country, people are quiet but few are lonely. (Geoffrey F. Fisher)
  • In communism, man oppresses man. In capitalism, it's the other way around.
  • In dreams begin responsibility. -William Butler Yeats
  • In essentials, unity; in nonessentials, liberty; in all things, charity.
  • In essentials, unity; in nonessentials, liberty; in all things, charity. (Melanchthon)
  • In every age and clime we see, Two of a trade can ne'er agree. - John Gay
  • In every phenomenon the beginning remains always the most notable moment. -Thomas Carlyle
  • In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't. -Blaise Pascal
  • In for a penny, in for a pound.
  • In gambling the many must lose in order that the few may win. ~ George Bernard Shaw
  • In great attempts it is glorious even to fail.
  • In great attempts it is glorious even to fail. -Vince Lombardi
  • In households in the UK and USA, there are more cats kept as pets than dogs. At least 35% of households with cats have 2 or more cats.
  • In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
  • In life, as in football, you won't go far unless you know where the goalposts are. -Arnold Glasow
  • In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. -Thomas Jefferson
  • In modern business it is not the crook who is to be feared most, it is the honest man who doesn't know what he is doing. - William Wordsworth
  • In most betting shops you will see three windows marked Bet Here, but only one window with the legend Pay Out. ~Jeffrey Bernard
  • In multi-cat households, cats of the opposite sex usually get along better.
  • In my beginning is my end. -T. S. Eliot
  • In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present. - Danny Devito
  • In order to shake a hypothesis, it is sometimes not necessary to do anything more than push it as far as it will go. - Denis Diderot
  • In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do the next time.
  • In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do the next time. -Anthony J. D'Angelo
  • In order to truly master the comfort zone, you have to learn to love it. -Peter Mcwilliams
  • In our search for truth let us not be influenced by what is easiest to believe.
  • In prosperity prepare for a change; in adversity hope for one. - James Burgh
  • In simplest terms, a leader is one who knows where he wants to go, and gets up, and goes. - John Erksine
  • In spite of the cost of living, it's still quite popular.
  • In the beginning was the word - and the word was four bytes.
  • In the beginning, God created man, but seeing him so feeble, He gave him the cat. - Warren Eckstein
  • In the book of life's questions, the answers are not in the back. -Charles Schultz
  • In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins- not through strength but by perseverance.
  • In the factory we make cosmetics; in the store we sell hope. -Charles Revson
  • In the last analysis, our only freedom is the freedom to discipline ourselves. -Bernard Baruch
  • In the long run men hit only what they aim at.
  • In the long run we get no more than we have been willing to risk giving.
  • In the middle of a world that had always been a bit mad, the cat walks with confidence. - Rosanne Amberson
  • In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -Buke Ellington
  • In the night of death, hope sees a star, and listening love can hear the rustle of a wing. -Robert Ingersoll
  • In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true. -John Lilly
  • In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma -- But never let him be.
  • In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. -Kahlil Gibran
  • In this country men seem to live for action as long as they can and sink into apathy when they retire. - Charles Francis Adams
  • In this game, by trying to win; you automatically lose. -Ruth Ross
  • In times like these it is good to remember that there have always been times like these. -Paul Harvey
  • Incontinence Hotline... Can you hold, please?
  • Indecision is the key to flexibility.
  • Indian build small fire stand real close, White man build BIG fire stand way back....
  • Indira Nehru Gandhi~ People with clenched fists can not shake hands.
  • Indira Nehru Gandhi~ You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
  • Individual commitment to a group effort - that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.
  • Individual glory is insignificant when compared to achieving victory as a team. -Dot Richardson
  • Individuals who deliberately decide not to take offense lead happier, more productive lives.
  • Indoor cats should be provided with a scratching post so that they are less likely to use carpet or furniture which they can easily ruin.
  • Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.
  • Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results. - Scott Adams
  • Ingmar Bergman~ I hope I never get so old I get religious.
  • Ingrid Bergman~ Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
  • Initiative is the ability to do the right thing.. efficiency is the ability to do the thing right.. effectiveness is doing the right things.
  • Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. -Martin Luther King
  • Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. -Martin Luther King, Jr.
  • Ink drys, paper burns, but what is written in the soul will last an eternity.
  • Innovators are inevitably controversial. - Eva Le Gallienne
  • Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children.
  • Inside yourself or outside, you never have to change what you see, only the way you see it. -Thaddeus Golas
  • Inspiration usually comes during work, rather than before it. -Madeleine L'Engle
  • Instant idiot. Just add alcohol.
  • Instead of crying over spilt milk, go milk another cow.
  • Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can. -Unknown Author
  • Integrity is the cornerstone of trust.
  • Integrity is when what you say, what you do, what you think, and who you are all come from the same place.
  • Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.
  • Intet er saa daarligt, at det ikke er godt for noget !
  • Intolerance is the most socially acceptable form of egotism, for it permits us to assume superiority without personal boasting. - Sidney J. Harris
  • Invest in America. Buy a Congressman!
  • Invest three percent of your income in yourself (self-development) in order to guarantee your future. -Brian Tracy
  • Iranaeus~ No man can know God unless God has taught him that is to say that without God God cannot be known.
  • Iris Murdoch~ We can only learn to love by loving.
  • Irvin Shrewsbury Cobb~ A good storyteller is a person who has a good memory and hopes other people havent.
  • Irving Layton~ In Pierre Elliott Trudeau Canada has at last produced a political leader worthy of assassination.
  • Irving~ Life is what you make it and how you take it.
  • Irwin Edman~ The standardized American is largely a myth created not least by Americans themselves.
  • Irwin Shaw~ There are too many books I havent read too many places I havent seen too many memories I havent kept long enough.
  • Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
  • Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
  • Is ignorance or apathy the biggest problem with the world today? I don't know and I don't care.
  • Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you? That depends on whether you're a man or a mouse.
  • Is it ok to use my AM radio after NOON?
  • Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
  • Is lunch the favorite subject of piglets? No, it's theatre. They love to ham It up and hog all the attention.
  • Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking.
  • Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
  • Is that your face or are you wearing your hair back to front today?
  • Is the squirt from an elephants trunk very powerful? Well, a jumbo jet can keep 500 people oin the air for hours at a time!
  • Is there a way to make a hamburger do the Hula? Sure, order a burger and a shake!
  • Is this Love? by Midas Wellbee
  • Is what you're living for, worth dying for?
  • Isaac Asimov~ A subtle thought that is in error may yet give rise to fruitful inquiry that can establish truths of great value.
  • Isaac Asimov~ If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live I wouldnt brood. Id type a little faster.
  • Isaac Asimov~ It pays to be obvious especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
  • Isaac Asimov~ There is a single light of science and to brighten it anywhere is to brighten it everywhere.
  • Isaac Bashevis Singer~ Doubt is part of all religion. All the religious thinkers were doubters.
  • Isaac Bashevis Singer~ Every creator painfully experiences the chasm between his inner vision and its ultimate expression.
  • Isaac Bashevis Singer~ We have to believe in free will. Weve got no choice.
  • Isaac Bashevis Singer~ What nature delivers to us is never stale. Because what nature creates has eternity in it.
  • Isaac Bashevis Singer~ When you betray somebody else you also betray yourself.
  • Isaac Goldberg~ Diplomacy is to do and say The nastiest thing in the nicest way.
  • Isabelle Eberhardt~ The farther behind I leave the past the closer I am to forging my own character.
  • Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
  • Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? (Kelvin Throop III)
  • Israel Lipkin~ Man is free in his imagination but bound by his reason.
  • Israel Salanter~ Promote yourself but do not demote another.
  • Israel is the land of milk and honey. Florida is the land of milk of magnesia.
  • It can be argued that man's instinct to gamble is the only reason he is still not a monkey up in the trees. -Mario Puzo, Inside Las Vegas
  • It can't go on! It can't go on! What can't go on? This baby's vest? it's too small for me.
  • It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how you play the game. -Anonymous
  • It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room-temperature.
  • It has been proven that male cats shed much greater amounts of allergen than females.
  • It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
  • It has taken me all my life to understand it is not necessary to understand everything. - Rene Coty
  • It is a fine thing to have ability, but the ability to discover ability in others is the true test. -Elbert Hubbard
  • It is a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. -Somerset Maugham
  • It is a good morning exercise for a research scientist to discard a pet hypothesis every day before breakfast. It keeps him young. - Konrad Lorenz
  • It is a process of diverting one's scattered forces into one powerful channel. -James Allen
  • It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness. -Seneca
  • It is a shameful thing for the soul to faint while the body still perseveres. -Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
  • It is always your next move. -Napoleon Hill
  • It is amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're going away.
  • It is an undoubted truth, that the less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in. -Earl of Chesterfield
  • It is astonishing with how little wisdom mankind can be governed, when that little wisdom is its own. - W. R. Inge
  • It is better to correct your own faults than those of another. -Democritus
  • It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation. (Herman Melville)
  • It is better to forget and smile, than to remember and be sad.
  • It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.
  • It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.
  • It is change continuing change, inevitable change that is the dominant factor in society today. -Isaac Asimov
  • It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare. -Mark Twain
  • It is easier to believe than to doubt. -Everett D. Martin
  • It is easy to be flexible when one is spineless!
  • It is far better to be alone, than to wish you were.
  • It is fatal to enter any war without the will to win it. -Douglas Macarthur
  • It is funny how we can see this outside world using our eyes; and we can see someone's inside world looking into their eyes.
  • It is good to dream, but it is better to dream and work. Faith is mighty, but action with faith is mightier. -Thomas Robert Gaines
  • It is hard to face the problem, when the problem is your face.
  • It is hard to stumble when you're on your knees.
  • It is impossible for us to break the law. We can only break ourselves against the law. -Cecil B Demille
  • It is impossible to go through life without trust. That is to be imprisoned in the worst cell of all - oneself. -Graham Greene
  • It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. ~Henry Louis Mencken
  • It is impossible to win the race unless you venture to run, impossible to win the victory unless you dare to battle. -Richard DeVos
  • It is in changing that things find purpose. -Heraclitus
  • It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed. -Napoleon Hill
  • It is more noble by silence to avoid an injury than by argument to overcome it. - Francis Beaumont
  • It is much better to have your gold in the hand than in the heart. - Thomas Fuller
  • It is no use saying, We are doing our best. You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary. -Winston Churchill
  • It is not a war on drugs; it's a war on people.
  • It is not always possible to know what one has learned, or when the dawning will arrive. - Virginia B. Smith
  • It is not always the same thing to be a good man and a good citizen. -Aristotle
  • It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. ~Seneca
  • It is not enough to be compassionate. You must act also. -Tao Saying
  • It is not how busy you are, but why you are busy- the bee is praised, the mosquito is swatted.
  • It is not how much we do, but how much love we put into doing it. It is not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving.
  • It is not important what you believe, only that you believe. -Unknown author
  • It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves. -William Shakespeare
  • It is not length of life, but depth of life. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • It is not necessary to hope in order to understand, nor to succeed in order to persevere. -Charles The Bold
  • It is not only fine feathers that make fine birds. -Aesop
  • It is not only for what we do that we are held responsible, but also for what we do not do. -John Baptiste Moliere
  • It is not so important who starts the game but who finishes it. -John Wooden
  • It is not something I must do but something I want to do.... -James Fixx
  • It is not that I disagree with you, it is just that I'm not in full accord.
  • It is not the going out of port, but the coming in, that determines the success of a voyage. -Henry Ward Beecher
  • It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor. -Seneca
  • It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves. -Sir Edmund Hillary
  • It is not the mountains that we conquer, but ourselves. -Sir Edmund Hillary
  • It is not the moutain ahead that's wearing me out, it's the grain of sand in my shoe.
  • It is not the situation that makes the man, but the man who makes the situation. - Frederick W. Robertson
  • It is not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog.
  • It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. -Charles Darwin
  • It is not the years in your life, but the life in your years that count. (Adlai Stevenson)
  • It is not too late to turn back from the GATES of hell. Use Linux - the free 32 bit operating system.
  • It is not what he has, or even what he does which expresses the worth of a man, but what he is. -Henri Frederic Amiel
  • It is not what they say about you, it's what they whisper.
  • It is not what we take up, but what we give up, that makes us rich. -Henry Ward Beecher
  • It is not what you are that holds you back, it is what you think you are not. (Denis Waitley)
  • It is not what's right about war, it's about what's left.
  • It is nothing new or original to say that golf is played one stroke at a time. But it took me many years to realize it. -Bobby Jones
  • It is now beyond any doubt that cigarettes are the biggest cause of statistics.
  • It is of no consequence of what parents a man is born, as long as he be a man of merit. -Horace
  • It is okay to visit your past just don't bring any luggage with you.
  • It is one of the beautiful compensations of this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.
  • It is one's attitude at the beginning of a task which will, more than anything else, determine its outcome.
  • It is only in adventure that some people succeed in knowing themselves - in finding themselves. ~Andre Gide
  • It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye. -Antoine Saint-Exupery
  • It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.
  • It is risky not to take risk. If you don't take risk, risk will take you. (Archbishop Benson A. Idahosa - Nigeria)
  • It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen. -Brigitte Bardot
  • It is the child of avarice, the brother of iniquity, and the father of mischief. - Washington, George
  • It is the customary fate of new truths to begin as heresies and to end as superstitions. - Thomas Henry Huxley
  • It is the heart that makes a man rich. He is rich according to what he is, not according to what he has. -Henry Ward Beecher
  • It is the quality of our work which will please God and not the quantity. -Mahatma Gandhi
  • It is useless to send armies against ideas. - George Brandes
  • It is vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied with tranquillity: they must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it.
  • It is very dangerous to have your self-worth riding on your results as an athlete. - Jim Courier
  • It is well to think well; it is divine to act well. -Horace Mann
  • It is wise to keep in mind that no success or failure is necessarily final. -Anonymous
  • It is wonderful what God can do with a broken heart, if He gets all the pieces. (Samuel Chadwick)
  • It is your attitude and not your aptitude that determines your altitude. (Zig Zigler)
  • It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out; it's the grain of sand in your shoe. -Robert W. Service
  • It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out, it's the grain of sand in your shoe. -Unknown. - Unknown
  • It may be a small world, but I'd sure hate to paint it.
  • It often requires more courage to dare to do right than to fear to do wrong. -Abraham Lincoln
  • It only seems kinky the first time.
  • It opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. -Milton Berle
  • It still holds true that man is most uniquely human when he turns obstacles into opportunities.
  • It sucks to be a man in a lesbians body.
  • It takes a Viking to Raze a Village
  • It takes a day to find a friend, a moment to lose them but a lifetime to forget them.
  • It takes a long time to grow an old friend. -John Leonard
  • It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan. -Eleanor Roosevelt
  • It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
  • It takes people a long time to learn the difference between talent and genius, especially ambitious young men and women. -Louisa May Alcott
  • It takes time to succeed because success is merely the natural reward of taking time to do anything well.
  • It takes tremendous discipline to control the influence, the power you have over other people's lives. -Clint Eastwood
  • It was high counsel that I once heard given to a young person: Always do what you are afraid to do. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • It was so hot today I saw a robin picking earthworms out of the ground with a pair of tongs.
  • It was so hot when we went on holiday last year that we had to take turns sitting in each other's shadow.
  • It works better if you plug it in -- unless it's the cat.
  • It works! Now if only I could remember what I did...
  • It would not be better if things happened to men just as they wish. - Heraclitus
  • It would not be fun when life is so easy.
  • It's Never Too Late to Mutate and we know our computers do it as soon as our backs are turned
  • It's YOUR hell. YOU burn in it.
  • It's a good thing God chose me before I was born, because he surely would not have afterwards.
  • It's a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages.
  • It's all GNU to me.
  • It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's just hilarious.
  • It's always the wrong time of the month.
  • It's bad luck to be superstitious.
  • It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
  • It's better to find a whole worm in your apple than half a worm.
  • It's easier to go down a hill than up it but the view is much better at the top. - Arnold Bennet
  • It's going to be a bummer if Mars turns out to be like us. - Newt Gingrich
  • It's good to give extra money to charity
  • It's hard to imagine a bigger desert oasis than Las Vegas. ~Cinnamon Stomberger
  • It's hard to stumble when you're on your knees.
  • It's in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped. -Anthony Robbins
  • It's men like you that make women gay.
  • It's more important to do the right thing than to do things right. -Peter Drucker
  • It's never crowded along the extra mile. -Dr. Wayne Dyer
  • It's not a bug; it's an undocumented feature.
  • It's not good enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required. -Winston Churchill
  • It's not my fault I'm the only one in the world who knows how to drive correctly.
  • It's not so important who starts the game but who finishes it.
  • It's not than I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. -Albert Einstein
  • It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not. -James Gordon
  • It's not the hours you put in, but what you put into the hours that count. -E James Rohn
  • It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it. -Lena Horne
  • It's not the will to win, but the will to prepare to win that makes the difference. -Coach Bear Bryant
  • It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
  • It's not what happens to you that determines how far you will go in life; it is how you handle what happens to you.
  • It's not what happens to you; it's what you do about it that makes the difference. -W. Mitchell
  • It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get back up. -Vince Lombardi
  • It's often said that life is strange. But compared to what?. -Steve Forbert
  • It's raining cats and dogs - It's raining very hard
  • It's simply a matter of doing what you do best and not worrying about what the other fellow is going to do. - John R. Amos
  • It's so hard when I have to, And so easy when I want to. -Sondra Anice Barnes
  • It's spelled Linux, but it's pronounced `Not Windows' It's spelled Windows, but it's pronounced `Aieeeeeeee!' (Shannon Hendrix)
  • It's the men behind who "make" the man ahead. - Merle Crowell
  • It's the niceties that make the difference fate gives us the hand, and we play the cards. - Arthur Schopenhauer
  • It's time to start living the life you've imagined. -Henry James
  • It's your attitude not your aptitude that determines your altitude. -Zig Ziglar
  • Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
  • Its lonely at the top... but you do eat better
  • Its true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it but it's also true that we don't know what weve been missing until it arrives.
  • J Danforth Quayle~ Republicans have been accused of abandoning the poor. Its the other way around. They never vote for us.
  • J. B. Yeats~ Always when I see a man fond of praise I always think it is because he is an affectionate man craving for affection.
  • J. Brotherton~ My riches consist not in the extent of my possessions but in the fewness of my wants.
  • J. Carl Cook~ Minor surgery is surgery someone else is having.
  • J. D. Salinger~ I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.
  • J. Donald Wlters~ Happiness is an attitude of mind born of the simple determination to be happy under all outward circumstances.
  • J. J. Fumas~ Death is just a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
  • J. K. Rowling~ Ah music. A magic beyond all we do here
  • J. K. Rowling~ Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.
  • J. K. Rowling~ Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.
  • J. K. Rowling~ The best of us must sometimes eat our words.
  • J. K. Rowling~ To the well-organized mind death is but the next great adventure.
  • J. K. Rowling~ You sort of start thinking anythings possible if youve got enough nerve.
  • J. Petit-Senn~ The hatred we bear our enemies injures their happiness less than our own.
  • J. Petit-Senn~ Where talent is a dwarf self-esteem is a giant.
  • J. R. R. Tolkien~ All that is gold does not glitter not all those that wander are lost.
  • J. R. R. Tolkien~ Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.
  • J. R. R. Tolkien~ I dont know half of you half as well as I should like and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
  • J. R. R. Tolkien~ I wish life was not so short he thought. Languages take such a time and so do all the things one wants to know about.
  • J. R. R. Tolkien~ Its a dangerous business going out your front door.
  • J. R. R. Tolkien~ Its a job thats never started that takes the longest to finish.
  • J. R. R. Tolkien~ Not all who wander are lost.
  • J. Russel Lynes~ Every journalist has a novel in him which is an excellent place for it.
  • JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
  • Jack Anderson~ The incestuous relationship between government and big business thrives in the dark.
  • Jack Benny~ I dont deserve this award but I have arthritis and I dont deserve that either.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ A quiz If I am my brothers keeper who am I (Answer me.)
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ Blow ye winds like the trumpet blows but without that noise.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ For mad scientists who keep brains in jars heres a tip Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar for freshness.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ I dont pretend to have all the answers. I dont pretend to even know what the questions are. Hey where am I
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ I dont think Im ever more aware than I am right after I hit my thumb with a hammer.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ I hope that after I die people will say of me That guy sure owed me a lot of money.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ Id rather be rich than stupid.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ If life deals you lemons why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat)
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength I hate to tell you this but thats another weakness.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ If you wear a toupee why not let your friends try it on for a while Come on were not going to hurt it.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ Im telling you just attach a big parachute TO THE PLANE ITSELF Is anyone listening to me
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ In weightlifting I dont think sudden uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ Its easy to sit and scoff at an old mans folly. But also check out his Adams apple
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ Just as bees will swarm about to protect their nest so will I swarm about to protect my nest of chocolate eggs.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ Marta likes to talk about sensuality but I dont think she would know sensuality if it bit her on the ass.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ One thing a computer can do that most humans cant is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ Sometimes I think Id be better off dead. No wait. Not me you.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ Sometimes I wonder if Im patriotic enough. Yes I want to kill people but on both sides.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ The crows seemed to be calling his name thought Caw.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ The other day I got out my can opener and was opening a can of worms when I thought What am I doing
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ To me boxing is like a ballet except theres no music no choreography and the dancers hit each other.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ Too bad theres not such a thing as a GOLDEN skunk because youd probably be PROUD to be sprayed by one.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ When you go for a job interview I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
  • Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ You know what makes good hair for a snow man REAL hair. Dont ask me why but it works.
  • Jack Kornfield~ When we get too caught up in the busyness of the world we lose connection with one another- and ourselves.
  • Jack London~ The proper function of man is to live - not to exist.
  • Jack William Nicklaus~ The older you get the stronger the wind gets-and its always in your face.
  • Jack the jailbird jacked a jeep.
  • Jackie Collins~ The biggest critics of my books are people who never read them.
  • Jackie Joyner-Kersee~ Age is no barrier. Its a limitation you put on your mind.
  • Jackie Wilson~ Take life one basket at a time.
  • Jacob Getlar Smith~ The artist should be a seeing-eye dog for a myopic civilization.
  • Jacques Delille~ Fate chooses your relations you choose your friends.
  • Jacques Maritain~ Gratitude is the most exquisite form of courtesy.
  • Jacques Maritain~ We dont love qualities we love persons sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities.
  • Jacques Martin Barzun~ Teaching is not a lost art but the regard for it is a lost tradition.
  • Jacques Martin Barzun~ The test and the use of mans education is that he finds pleasure in the exercise of his mind.
  • Jacques Martin Barzun~ Whoever wants to know the heart and mind of America had better learn baseball.
  • James A. Froude~ You cannot dream yourself into a character you must hammer and forge yourself one.
  • James A. Pike~ Remember that life is not measured in hours but in accomplishments.
  • James Abram Garfield~ All free governments are managed by the combined wisdom and folly of the people.
  • James Abram Garfield~ If wrinkles must be written upon your brows let them not be written upon the heart. The spirit should not grow old.
  • James Agee~ You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough.
  • James Allen~ Work joyfully and peacefully knowing that right thoughts and right efforts inevitably bring about right results.
  • James Arthur Baldwin~ Children have never been very good at listening to their elders but they have never failed to imitate them.
  • James Arthur Baldwin~ Know from whence you came. If you know whence you came there are absolutely no limitations to where you can go.
  • James Arthur Baldwin~ No one can possibly know what is about to happen it is happening each time for the first time for the only time.
  • James Arthur Baldwin~ The future is like heaven everyone exalts it but no one wants to go there now.
  • James Arthur Baldwin~ The price one pays for pursuing a profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.
  • James Arthur Baldwin~ To defend ones self against fear is simply to ensure that one will one day be conquered by it fears must be faced.
  • James Barrie~ If you cannot teach me to fly teach me to sing.
  • James Barrie~ Ones religion is whatever one is most interested in.
  • James Boswell~ I have found you an argument I am not obliged to find you an understanding.
  • James Boswell~ Men are wise in proportion not to their experience but to their capacity for experience.
  • James Clarke~ A politician thinks of the next election a statesman of the next generation.
  • James Corbett~ You become a champion by fighting one more round. When things are tough you fight one more round.
  • James D. Bryden~ Love does not die easily. It is a living thing. It thrives in the face of all of lifes hazards save one - neglect.
  • James F. Byrnes~ Friendship without self-interest is one of the rare and beautiful things of life.
  • James Fenimore Cooper~ The tendency of democracies is in all things to mediocrity.
  • James Grover Thurber~ I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.
  • James Grover Thurber~ It is better to ask some of the questions than to know all the answers.
  • James Grover Thurber~ Let us not look back in anger nor forward in fear but around in awareness.
  • James Grover Thurber~ Love is what youve been through with somebody.
  • James Halliwell~ If wishes were horses beggars would ride.
  • James Ling~ Dont tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.
  • James M. Barrie~ Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.
  • James Magary~ Computers can figure out all kinds of problems except the things in the world that just dont add up.
  • James Otis~ Taxation without representation is tyranny.
  • James R. Cook~ Do just once what others say you cant do and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.
  • James Randi~ People who are smart get into Mensa. People who are really smart look around and leave.
  • James Reston~ This is the devilish thing about foreign affairs they are foreign and will not always conform to our whim.
  • James Russell Lowell~ All the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than a single lovely action.
  • James Russell Lowell~ But all Gods angels come to us disguised...
  • James Russell Lowell~ It is not the insurrections of ignorance that are dangerous but the revolts of the intelligence.
  • James Russell Lowell~ One thorn of experience is worth a whole wilderness of warning.
  • James Russell Lowell~ Wealth may be an ancient thing for it means power it means leisure it means liberty.
  • James T. Farrell~ Theres one good kind of writer - a dead one.
  • James Thomson~ Absence with all its pains is by this charming moment wiped away.
  • James Thorpe~ Household tasks are easier and quicker when they are done by somebody else.
  • James Thurber~ He knows all about art but he doesnt know what he likes.
  • James Thurber~ There are two kinds of light - the glow that illumines and the glare that obscures.
  • James Thurber~ You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.
  • James Truslow Adams~ The greatest discovery of my generation is that man can alter his life simply by altering his attitude of mind.
  • James Waddell Alexander II~ The true recipe for a miserable existence is to quarrel with Providence.
  • Jan Glidewell~ You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.
  • Jan Smuts~ When in doubt do the courageous thing.
  • Jane Austen~ A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.
  • Jane Austen~ In every power of which taste is the foundation excellence is pretty fairly divided between the sexes.
  • Jane Austen~ One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.
  • Jane Haddam~ In my day we didnt have self-esteem we had self-respect and no more of it than we had earned.
  • Jane Hamilton~ It is books that are a key to the wide world if you cant do anything else read all that you can.
  • Jane Wagner~ A sobering thought what if at this very moment I am
  • Jane Wagner~ All my life I wanted to be someone I guess I should have been more specific.
  • Jane Wagner~ I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.
  • Jane Wagner~ The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win youre still a rat.
  • Jane Wyman~ The opportunity for brotherhood presents itself every time you meet a human being.
  • Janos Arnay~ In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities.
  • Jawaharlal Nehru~ Facts are facts and will not disappear on account of your likes.
  • Jawaharlal Nehru~ There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.
  • Jay Gould~ I can hire one half of the working class to kill the other half.
  • Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can't get toheaven? Ted: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you'll get there.
  • Jean Anouilh~ God is on everyones side and in the last analysis he is on the side with plenty of money and large armies.
  • Jean Anouilh~ Life is very nice but it lacks form. Its the aim of art to give it some.
  • Jean Babtiste Henri Lacordaire~ Neither genius fame nor love show the greatness of the soul. Only kindness can do that.
  • Jean Baptiste Poquelin Molire~ Nearly all men die of their remedies and not of their illnesses.
  • Jean Baptiste Poquelin Molire~ Oh how fine it is to know a thing or two.
  • Jean Baptiste Poquelin Molire~ To live without loving is not really to live.
  • Jean Bodin~ The study of history is the beginning of political wisdom.
  • Jean Ingelow~ I have lived to thank God that all my prayers have not been answered.
  • Jean Jacques Rousseau~ The happiest is the person who suffers the least pain the most miserable who enjoys the least pleasure.
  • Jean Kerr~ Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck-if you survive you start looking very carefully to the right and left.
  • Jean Kerr~ Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isnt permanent.
  • Jean Kerr~ Im tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. Thats deep enough. What do you want an adorable pancreas
  • Jean Kerr~ Life with Mary was like being in a telephone booth with an open umbrella-no matter which way you turned you got it in the eye.
  • Jean Kerr~ The average healthy well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.
  • Jean Kerr~ The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.
  • Jean Paul Friedrich Richter~ A timid person is frightened before a danger a coward during the time and a courageous person afterward.
  • Jean Paul Friedrich Richter~ Men like bullets go farthest when they are smoothest.
  • Jean Paul Richter~ A timid person is frightened before a danger a coward during the time and a courageous person afterward.
  • Jean Paul Richter~ Never part without loving words to think of during your absence. It may be that you will not meet again in life.
  • Jean Paul~ The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life the clearer we should see through it.
  • Jean Pierre Claris De Florian~ Pleasure of love lasts but a moment Pain of love lasts a lifetime.
  • Jean Pierre Claris De Florian~ Unable are the Loved to die For Love is Immortality.
  • Jean R. Langley~ Boys will be boys... and so will most men.
  • Jean de La Fontaine~ By the work one knows the workmen.
  • Jean de La Fontaine~ It is a double pleasure to deceive the deceiver.
  • Jean de La Fontaine~ We heed no instincts but our own.
  • Jean de la Bruyere~ Children have neither a past nor a future. Thus they enjoy the present - which seldom happens to us.
  • Jean de la Bruyere~ There are only two ways by which to rise in this world either by ones own industry or by the stupidity of others.
  • Jean-Paul Sartre~ Everything has been figured out except how to live.
  • Jean-Paul Sartre~ Existence precedes and rules essence.
  • Jean-Paul Sartre~ In love one and one are one.
  • Jean-Paul Sartre~ One does not adopt a new idea one slips into it.
  • Jean-Paul Sartre~ To believe is to know you believe and to know you believe is not to believe.
  • Jean-Paul Sartre~ We do not know what we want and yet we are responsible for what we are - that is the fact.
  • Jeanne Phillips~ All the worlds a cage.
  • Jeanne-Marie Roland~ The feeble tremble before opinion the foolish defy it the wise judge it the skillful direct it.
  • Jeff Marder~ We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
  • Jeff Pesis~ Hardware the parts of a computer that can be kicked.
  • Jefferson Davis~ Never be haughty to the humble never be humble to the haughty.
  • Jeffery F. Chamberlain~ In a country as big as the United States you can find fifty examples of anything.
  • Jennifer Aniston~ True love brings up everything - youre allowing a mirror to be held up to you daily.
  • Jennifer Tilly~ Dont point out your flaws because the world is not as sympathetic and nurturing as you think.
  • Jenny Craig~ Its not what you do once in a while its what you do day in and day out that makes the difference.
  • Jeremy Taylor~ Mistake not. Those pleasures are not pleasures that trouble the quiet and tranquillity of thy life.
  • Jerry Coleman~ All the Padres need is a flyball in the air.
  • Jerry Coleman~ At the end excitement maintained its hysteria.
  • Jerry Coleman~ Billy Almon has all of his inlaw and outlaws here this afternoon.
  • Jerry Coleman~ From the way Dennys shaking his head hes either got an injured shoulder or a gnat in his eye.
  • Jerry Coleman~ Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.
  • Jerry Coleman~ Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.
  • Jerry Coleman~ If Pete Rose brings the Reds in first they ought to bronze him and put him in cement.
  • Jerry Coleman~ Its off the leg and into the left field of Doug Radar.
  • Jerry Coleman~ Kent Abbott is in the on-deck circuit.
  • Jerry Coleman~ McCovey swings and misses and its fouled back
  • Jerry Coleman~ Mike Caldwell the Padres right-handed southpaw will pitch tonight.
  • Jerry Coleman~ The Padres after winning the first game of the doubleheader are ahead here in the top of the fifth and hoping for a split.
  • Jerry Coleman~ The ex-left-hander Dave Roberts will be going for Houston.
  • Jerry Coleman~ The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field. No wait a minute. Its ball one. Low and outside.
  • Jerry Coleman~ The way hes swinging the bat he wont get a hit until the th century.
  • Jerry Coleman~ Tito Fuentes is safe at second with a triple.
  • Jerry Coleman~ Tony Gwynn the fat batter behind Finley is waiting.
  • Jerry Coleman~ Well it looks like the all-star balloting is about over especially in the National and American Leagues.
  • Jerry Frankhauser~ Affirmations are like prescriptions for certain aspects of yourself you want to change.
  • Jerry Seinfeld~ A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
  • Jeseph Joubert~ Children need models more than they need critics.
  • Jeseph Joubert~ I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the hearts affections and the truth of imagination.
  • Jeseph Joubert~ Justice is the truth in action.
  • Jeseph Joubert~ Never cut what you can untie.
  • Jeseph Joubert~ We must respect the past and mistrust the present if we wish to provide for the safety of the future.
  • Jessamyn West~ A broken bone can heal but the wound a word opens can fester forever.
  • Jessamyn West~ A religious awakening which does not awaken the sleeper to love has roused him in vain.
  • Jessamyn West~ It is the loving not the loved woman who feels loveable.
  • Jesse Lair~ Children are not things to be molded but are people to be unfolded.
  • Jesse Louis Jackson~ Weve removed the ceiling above our dreams. There are no more impossible dreams.
  • Jessica Dubroff~ This started off as a father-daughter adventure and its gotten wonderfully out of hand...Im going to fly till I die.
  • Jessie Sampter~ Simplicity is the peak of civilization.
  • Jesus Christ said, 'I came not to bring peace, but a sword.
  • Jesus Saves by shopping wisely and using double coupons.
  • Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!
  • Jesus has a mullet!
  • Jesus is coming... are you ready to meet him?
  • Jesus is my shepherd, Toto is my poodle.
  • Jesus is returning... resistance is futile
  • Jesus is the man God intended all humans to be.
  • Jesus just left the building!
  • Jesus loves bikers too!
  • Jesus loves you! It's everybody else that thinks you're a c*nt
  • Jesus loves you, just not in that way.
  • Jesus may love you, but he won't respect you in the morning.
  • Jesus rules... Do you live by them?
  • Jesus saves, Moses invests, but only Buddha gives Dividends
  • Jesus saves. I don't.
  • Jesus saves; Buddha recycles.
  • Jewish Pagans are like regular Pagans. We believe in the Mother Goddess, we just feel guilty about not calling.
  • Jewish telegram: Begin worrying. Details to follow.
  • Jiddu Krishnamurti~ Freedom from the desire for an answer is essential to the understanding of a problem.
  • Jill Peterson~ It is because they took the easy way out That rivers and people go crooked.
  • Jim Beggs~ To find fulfillment...dont exist with life - embrace it.
  • Jim Hightower~ Do something. If it doesnt work do something else. No idea is too crazy.
  • Jim Horning~ Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be.
  • Jim Morrison~ Objects as they exist in time the clean eye and camera give us. Not falsified by seeing.
  • Jim Palmer~ The only thing Earl Weaver knows about big-league pitching is that he couldnt hit it.
  • Jim Povec~ The web eliminates all hiding places.
  • Jim Rohn~ Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
  • Jim Rohn~ Success is neither magical or mysterious. Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying the basic fundamentals.
  • Jim Rohn~ Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines practiced every day...
  • Jim Rohn~ Words do two major things They provide food for the mind and create light for understanding and awareness.
  • Jim Ryun~ Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.
  • Jim Webb~ Before all else each of us must take a fundamental risk - to be true to ourselves.
  • Jimi Hendrix~ Excuse me while I kiss the sky.
  • Jimmy Buffett~ If the Phone Doesnt Ring Its Me
  • Jimmy Carter~ We should live our lives as though Christ were coming this afternoon.
  • Jimmy Johnson~ Treat a person as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat him as he could be and he will become what he should be.
  • Jim~ Nobody understands anyone including those who are .
  • Jo Coudert~ The more deeply the path is etched the more it is used and the more it is used the more deeply it etched.
  • Joan Baez~ As long as one keeps searching the answers come.
  • Joan Baez~ Hypothetical questions get hypothetical answers.
  • Joan Baez~ The only thing thats been a worse flop than the organization of non-violence has been the organization of violence.
  • Joan Borysenko~ Tisnt life that matters Tis the courage you bring to it.
  • Joan Brannon~ He who walks in anothers tracks leaves no footprints.
  • Joan Didion~ Character - the willingness to accept responsibility for ones own life - is the source from which self respect springs.
  • Joan L. Curcio~ Courageous risks are life-giving they help you grow make you brave and better than you think you are.
  • Joan Rivers~ The first time I see a jogger smiling Ill consider it.
  • Jodie Foster~ Love and respect are the most important aspects of parenting and of all relationships.
  • Joe E. Lewis~ You only live once - but if you work it right once is enough.
  • Joe Moore~ A simple fact that is hard to learn is that the time to save money is when you have some.
  • Joe Moore~ America Where a man can say what he thinks if he isnt afraid of his wife his boss his customer his neighbors or the government.
  • Joe Moore~ As a nation we are dedicated to keeping physically fit and parking as close to the stadium as possible.
  • Joe Moore~ Before borrowing money from a friend its best to decide which you need most.
  • Joe Moore~ Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you and just before you realize whats wrong with it.
  • Joe Moore~ If you want to make certain a job gets done give it to somebody who is really busy. Theyll have their secretary do it.
  • Joe Moore~ Its practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry.
  • Joe Moore~ The mind is a wonderful thing. It starts working the minute youre born and doesnt stop until you get up to speak in public.
  • Joe Moore~ The people to fear are not those who disagree with you but those who disagree with you and are too cowardly to let you know.
  • Joe Moore~ You cant trust a promise someone makes while theyre drunk in love hungry or running for office.
  • Joe Namath~ When you have confidence you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun you can do amazing things.
  • Joe Orton~ Id the upbringing a nun would envy and thats the truth. Until I was fifteen I was more familiar with Africa than my own body.
  • Joe Paterno~ The will to win is important but the will to prepare is vital.
  • Joe Theismann~ Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.
  • Joe Weinstein~ My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to cents a can. Thats almost . in dog money.
  • Joe's morgue: You kill'em, we chill'em!
  • Joel Barker~ Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.
  • Joel Rosenberg~ Whatever you want too much you cant have so when you really want something try to want it a little less.
  • Joey Adams~ A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
  • Joey Adams~ Many a crown of wisdom is but the golden chamberpot of success worn with pompous dignity.
  • Johann Georg von Zimmermann~ Be not so bigoted to any custom as to worship it at the expense of truth.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ A man can stand anything except a succession of ordinary days.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ A noble person attracts noble people and knows how to hold on to them.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ All theory dear friend is gray but the golden tree of life springs ever green.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ Correction does much but encouragement does more.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ Daring ideas are like chessmen moved forward. They may be beaten but they may start a winning game.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ Difficulties increase the nearer we approach our goal.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ Everything a human being wants can be divided into four components love adventure power and fame.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ Everything in the world may be endured except continued prosperity.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ For a man to achieve all that is demanded of him he must regard himself as greater than he is.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ He is happiest be he king or peasant who finds peace in his home.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ I call architecture frozen music.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ I love those who yearn for the impossible.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ If I love you what business is it of yours
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ If you must tell me your opinions tell me what you believe in. I have plenty of doubts of my own.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ Life is the childhood of our immortality.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ Love and desire are the spirits wings to great deeds.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ Love is an ideal thing marriage a real thing a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ Talents are best nurtured in solitude character is best formed in the stormy billows of the world.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ The ground that a good man treads is hallowed.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous the sensible man hardly anything.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ The man who acts never has any conscience no one has any conscience but the man who thinks.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ To live as one likes is plebian the noble man aspires to order and law.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ We know accurately only when we know little with knowledge doubt increases.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ We must always change renew rejuvenate ourselves otherwise we harden.
  • Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ What is not fully understood is not possessed.
  • Johann von Goethe~ A mans errors are what make him amiable.
  • Johann von Goethe~ All theory dear friend is gray but the golden tree of life springs ever green.
  • Johann von Goethe~ Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks.
  • Johann von Goethe~ Everybody wants to be somebody nobody wants to grow.
  • Johann von Goethe~ He is happiest be he king or peasant who finds peace in his home.
  • Johann von Goethe~ I can tell you honest friend what to believe believe life it teaches better than book or orator.
  • Johann von Goethe~ If I love you what business is it of yours
  • Johann von Goethe~ If a man writes a book let him set down only what he knows. I have guesses enough of my own.
  • Johann von Goethe~ Just trust yourself then you will know how to live.
  • Johann von Goethe~ Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards.
  • Johann von Goethe~ Love grants in a moment what toil can hardly achieve in an age.
  • Johann von Goethe~ My poor head is in such a whirl my mind is all in bits.
  • Johann von Goethe~ No one would talk much in society if he knew how often he misunderstood others.
  • Johann von Goethe~ Nothing is more damaging to a new truth than an old error.
  • Johann von Goethe~ One mans word is no mans word we should quietly hear both sides.
  • Johann von Goethe~ One must ask children and birds how cherries and strawberries taste.
  • Johann von Goethe~ Plunge boldly into the thick of life
  • Johann von Goethe~ Talents are best nurtured in solitude character is best formed in the stormy billows of the world.
  • Johann von Goethe~ The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous the sensible man hardly anything.
  • Johann von Goethe~ The society of women is the element of good manners.
  • Johann von Goethe~ The unnatural that too is natural.
  • Johann von Goethe~ There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.
  • Johann von Goethe~ Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.
  • Johann von Goethe~ To know someone here or there with whom you can feel there is understanding in spite of distances or thoughts expressed
  • Johann von Goethe~ Viewed from the summit of reason all life looks like a malignant disease and the world like a madhouse.
  • Johann von Goethe~ We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds our planet is the mental institution of the universe.
  • Johann von Goethe~ We must always change renew rejuvenate ourselves otherwise we harden.
  • Johann von Goethe~ What government is the best That which teaches us to govern ourselves.
  • Johann von Neumann~ In mathematics you dont understand things. You just get used to them.
  • Johannes Meister Eckhart~ If the only prayer you said in your whole life was thank you that would suffice.
  • Johathan Edwards~ Resolve to live as with all your might while you do live and as you shall wish you had done ten thousand years hence.
  • John A. Field~ I have been both rich and poor - while I have respect for both I am unimpressed and unawed by both as well.
  • John A. Wheeler~ If you havent found something strange during the day it hasnt been much of a day.
  • John Adams~ Liberty cannot be preserved without a general knowledge among the people.
  • John Allston~ The only thing you take with you when youre gone is what you leave behind.
  • John Andrew Holmes~ There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.
  • John Andrew Holmes~ Yes we love peace but we are not willing to take wounds for it as we are for war.
  • John Anthony Ciardi~ A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
  • John Bay~ All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
  • John Beecher~ Strength is a matter of the made-up mind.
  • John Benfield~ Eagles may soar but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines.
  • John Bradford~ There but for the grace of God go I.
  • John Buchan~ An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
  • John Bunyan~ Prayer opens the heart to God and it is the means by which the soul though empty is filled by God.
  • John Cage~ I cant understand why people are frightened of new ideas. Im frightened of the old ones.
  • John Calhoun~ Irresponsible power is inconsistent with liberty and must corrupt those who exercise it.
  • John Calvin~ . . . I consider looseness with words no less of a defect than looseness of the bowels.
  • John Capozzi~ A free lunch is only found in mousetraps.
  • John Ciardi~ A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
  • John Ciardi~ You dont have to suffer to be a poet adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.
  • John Cleese~ If life were fair Dan Quayle would be making a living asking Do you want fries with that
  • John Collins~ Never trust a man who speaks well of everybody.
  • John D. Hofbrauer Jr.~ Celebrations are the juice of life.
  • John D. MacDonald~ Friendships like marriages are dependent on avoiding the unforgivable.
  • John D. Rockefeller~ I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure.
  • John Dewey~ Anyone who has begun to think places some portion of the world in jeopardy.
  • John Dewey~ The good man is the man who no matter how morally unworthy he has been is moving to become better.
  • John Dewey~ To find out what one is fitted to do and to secure an opportunity to do it is the key to happiness.
  • John Donne~ Love all love of other sights controls And makes one little room an everywhere.
  • John Donne~ Love built on beauty soon as beauty dies.
  • John Donne~ No man is an island entire of itself every man is a piece of the continent.
  • John Dryden~ And virtue though in rags will keep me warm.
  • John Dryden~ But far more numerous was the herd of such Who think too little and who talk too much.
  • John Dryden~ Death in itself is nothing but we fear To be we know not what we know not where.
  • John Dryden~ Men are but children of a larger growth Our appetites as apt to change as theirs And full as craving too and full as vain.
  • John Dryden~ They think to little who talk to much.
  • John Dryden~ We first make our habits and then our habits make us.
  • John Dryden~ We must beat the iron while it is hot but we may polish it at leisure.
  • John Erksine~ In simplest terms a leader is one who knows where he wants to go and gets up and goes.
  • John Ernst Steinbeck~ Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them and pretty soon you have a dozen.
  • John Ernst Steinbeck~ Lord how the day passes Its like a life - so quickly when we dont watch it and so slowly if we do.
  • John Ernst Steinbeck~ Power does not corrupt. Fear corrupts perhaps the fear of a loss of power.
  • John Evans~ The Internet is like a giant jellyfish. You cant step on it. You cant go around it. Youve got to get through it.
  • John F. Kennedy~ We must use time as a tool not as a crutch.
  • John F. Kennedy~ We need men who can dream of things that never were.
  • John F. Kennedy~ When we got into office the thing that surprised me the most was that things were as bad as wed been saying they were.
  • John Fitzgerald Kennedy~ A child miseducated is a child lost.
  • John Fitzgerald Kennedy~ Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.
  • John Fitzgerald Kennedy~ Let us welcome controversial books and controversial authors.
  • John Fitzgerald Kennedy~ Perfect valour consists in doing without witnesses that which we would be capable of doing before everyone.
  • John Fitzgerald Kennedy~ The goal of education is the advancement of knowledge and the dissemination of truth.
  • John Fitzgerald Kennedy~ Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violen trevolution inevitable.
  • John Fitzgerald Kennedy~ We must use time as a tool not as a couch.
  • John Galsworthy~ Idealism increases in direct proportion to ones distance from the problem.
  • John Gay~ The comfortable estate of widowhood is the only hope that keeps up a wifes spirits.
  • John Gilmore~ The Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it.
  • John Gray~ It is not giving children more that spoils them it is giving them more to avoid confrontation.
  • John Guarrine~ Life is Gods joke on us. Its our mission to figure out the punchline.
  • John Gunther~ Count Hermann Keyserling once said truly that the greatest American superstition was belief in facts.
  • John H. Shield~ Opportunities are seldom labeled.
  • John Hay~ True luck consists not in holding the best of the cards at the table luckiest is he who knows just when to rise and go home.
  • John Heisman~ Gentlemen it is better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this football.
  • John Henry Cardinal Newman~ Fear not that thy life shall come to an end but rather fear that it shall never have a beginning.
  • John Herschel Glenn Jr.~ For all the advances in medicine there is still no cure for the common birthday.
  • John Heywood~ Would ye both eat your cake and have your cakeThis is commonly misquotes as You cant have youre cake and eat it too.
  • John J. Plomp~ You know that children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers.
  • John Johnson~ Men and women are limited not by the place of their birth not by the color of their skin but by the size of their hope.
  • John Keats~ Heard melodies are sweet but those unheard are sweeter.
  • John Keats~ I love you the more that I believe you have liked me for my own sake and for nothing else.
  • John Keats~ There is a budding morrow in midnight.
  • John Kenneth Galbraith~ Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
  • John Kenneth Galbraith~ Few people at the beginning of the ninteenth century needed an adman to tell them what they wanted.
  • John Kenneth Galbraith~ Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory.
  • John Kenneth Galbraith~ One of the greatest pieces of economic wisdom is to know what you do not know.
  • John Kenneth Galbraith~ Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
  • John Kenneth Galbraith~ The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.
  • John Kenneth Galbraith~ Under capitalism man exploits man. Under communism its just the opposite.
  • John Kenneth Galbraith~ Washington is a place where people praise courage and act on elaborate personal cost-benefit calculations.
  • John L. Motley~ Deeds not stones are the true monuments of the great.
  • John Lancaster Spalding~ As memory may be a paradise from which we cannot be driven it may also be a hell from which we cannot escape.
  • John Lancaster Spalding~ Do definite good first of all to yourself then to definite persons.
  • John Lehman~ Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
  • John Locke~ I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts.
  • John M. Barrie~ Never ascribe to an opponent motives meaner than your own.
  • John M. Capozzi~ Dig where the gold isunless you just need some exercise.
  • John M. Ford~ I am...a mushroom On whom the dew of heaven drops now and then.
  • John M. Ford~ Were not lost. Were locationally challenged.
  • John Masefield~ In this life he laughs longest who laughs last.
  • John Mason Brown~ She knows what is the best purpose of education not to be frightened by the best but to treat it as part of daily life.
  • John Mason Brown~ The only true happiness comes from squandering ourselves for a purpose.
  • John Mason Good~ Happiness consists in activity. It is running steam not a stagnant pool.
  • John Maurice Clark~ Knowledge is the only instrument of production That is not subject to the law of diminishing returns.
  • John Maynard Keynes~ Words ought to be a little wild for they are the assaults of thought on the unthinking.
  • John McCrae~ If ye break faith with us who die We shall not sleep though poppies grow In Flanders fields.
  • John Milton~ He also serves who only stands and waits.
  • John Milton~ How soon hath Time the subtle thief of youth Stolen on his wing my three-and-twentieth year
  • John Milton~ Millions of spiritual creatures walk the earth Unseen both when we wake and when we sleep.
  • John Milton~ Thou canst not touch the freedom of my mind.
  • John Mitchell Mason~ Judge thyself with the judgment of sincerity and thou will judge others with the judgment of charity.
  • John Morley~ You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.
  • John Muir~ There is that in the glance of a flower which may at times control the greatest of creations braggart lords.
  • John NIV Bible~ This is how God showed His love among us He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him.
  • John Owen~ Science cannot resolve moral conflicts but it can help to more accurately frame the debates about those conflicts.
  • John Owen~ Unless men see a beauty and delight in the worship of God they will not do it willingly.
  • John Owen~ We need to attend diligently to the state of our soul and to deal fervently and effectively with God about it.
  • John P. Grier~ The will to believe is perhaps the most powerful but certainly the most dangerous human attribute.
  • John Patrick~ Pain makes man think. Thought makes man wise. Wisdom makes life endurable.
  • John Paul Jones~ I have not yet begun to fight
  • John Peet~ Defining consultancy is a bit like defining the upper class every possible candidate draws the line just below himself.
  • John Ray~ Adversity makes men wise but not rich.
  • John Ray~ The younger brother hath the more wit.
  • John Ray~ Though thou has never so many counselors yet do not forsake the counsel of your soul.
  • John Rogers~ Grade school is the snooze button on the clock-radio of life.
  • John Ruskin~ Quality is never an accident it is always the result of intelligent effort.
  • John Ruskin~ The highest reward for mans toil is not what he gets for it but what he becomes by it.
  • John Selden~ No man is wiser for his learning wit and wisdom are born with a man.
  • John Simon~ Democracy encourages the majority to decide things about which the majority is ignorant.
  • John Sladek~ The future according to some scientists will be exactly like the past only far more expensive.
  • John Sloan~ Consistency is the quality of a stagnant mind.
  • John Steinbeck~ I know this - a man got to do what he got to do.
  • John Steinbeck~ Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them and pretty soon you have a dozen.
  • John Steinbeck~ No one wants advice - only corroboration.
  • John Stuart Mill~ Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.
  • John Stuart Mill~ Everyone who receives the protection of society owes a return for the benefit.
  • John Stuart Mill~ Popular opinions on subjects not palpable to sense are often true but seldom or never the whole truth.
  • John Stuart Mill~ That so few now dare to be eccentric marks the chief danger of our time.
  • John Stuart Mill~ That which seems the height of absurdity in one generation often becomes the height of wisdom in the next.
  • John Stuart Mill~ The pupil who is never required to do what he cannot do never does what he can do.
  • John Updike~ America is a vast conspiracy to make you happy.
  • John Updike~ Perfectionism is the enemy of creation as extreme self-solicitude is the enemy of well-being.
  • John Varley~ Never trust anybody who says trust me. Except just this once of course. - from Steel Beach
  • John W. Vessey Jr.~ Resource-constrained environment are fancy Pentagon words that mean there isnt enough money to go around.
  • John Walter~ How frequently the last time comes and we do not know.
  • John Wesley~ Make all you can save all you can give all you can.
  • John William Fletcher~ Fanaticism is the child of false zeal and of superstition the father of intolerance and of persecution.
  • John Wooden~ Ability may get you to the top but it takes character to keep you there.
  • John le Carre~ A desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world.
  • John le Carre~ If there is one eternal truth of politics it is that there are always a dozen good reasons for doing nothing.
  • Johnny Carson~ Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president and anyone who doesnt grow up can be vice president.
  • Johnny Carson~ My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
  • Johnny Carson~ Only lie about the future.
  • Join the Army. Visit exotic places, meet interesting people, then kill them.
  • Jon Lithgow~ Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug.
  • Jonathan Kozol~ Pick battles big enough to matter small enough to win.
  • Jonathan Swift~ As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman so modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense.
  • Jonathan Swift~ It is in men as in soils where sometimes there is a vein of gold which the owner knows not of.
  • Jonathan Swift~ The stoical scheme of supplying our wants by lopping off our desires is like cutting off our feet when we want shoes.
  • Jonathan Swift~ We have just enough religion to make us hate but not enough to make us love on another.
  • Jonathan Swift~ When a true genius appears in this world you may know him by this sign that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.
  • Jonathan Winters~ If your ship doesnt come in swim out to it
  • Jonathan Winters~ Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others.
  • Jorge Luis Borges~ To fall in love is to create a religion that has a fallible god.
  • Jose Ortega y Gasset~ Order is not pressure which is imposed on society from without but an equilibrium which is set up from within.
  • Jose Ortega y Gasset~ To be surprised to wonder is to begin to understand.
  • Jose Simon~ In Mexico we have a word for sushi Bait.
  • Josef Stalin~ Sincere diplomacy is no more possible than dry water or wooden iron.
  • Joseph Addison~ A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes.
  • Joseph Addison~ Cheerfulness keeps up a kind of daylight in the mind and fills it with a steady and perpetual serenity.
  • Joseph Addison~ I value my garden more for being full of blackbirds than of cherries and very frankly give them fruit for their songs.
  • Joseph Addison~ Ones religion is whatever he is most interested in and yours is Success.
  • Joseph Addison~ Self discipline is that which next to virtue truly and essentially raises one man above another.
  • Joseph Addison~ There is nothing that makes its way more directly to the soul than beauty.
  • Joseph Addison~ Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do something to love and something to hope for.
  • Joseph Addison~ We are always doing~ says he something for Posterity but I would fain see Posterity do something for us.
  • Joseph Addison~ What an absurd thing it is to pass over all the valuable parts of a man and fix our attention on his infirmities.
  • Joseph Addison~ What pity is it that we can die but once to serve our country
  • Joseph Addison~ What sculpture is to a block of marble education is to the soul.
  • Joseph Brodsky~ Life-the way it really is-is a battle not between Bad and Good but between Bad and Worse.
  • Joseph Campbell~ Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again.
  • Joseph Conrad~ Action is consolatory. It is the enemy of thought and the friend of illusions.
  • Joseph Conrad~ All a man can betray is his conscience.
  • Joseph Conrad~ I take it that what all men are really after is some form or perhaps only some formula of peace.
  • Joseph Conrad~ Illusory joy is often worth more than genuine sorrow.
  • Joseph Conrad~ It is to be remarked that a good many people are born curiously unfitted for the fate waiting them on this earth.
  • Joseph Conrad~ The last thing a woman will consent to discover in a man whom she loves or on whom she simply depends is want of courage.
  • Joseph Conrad~ The way of even the most jusitifiable revolution is prepared by personal impulses disguised into creeds.
  • Joseph Conrad~ Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope to love - and to put its trust in life.
  • Joseph Epstein~ What distinguishes us one from another is our dreams . . . and what we do to make them come about.
  • Joseph F. Newton~ A duty dodged is like a debt unpaid it is only deferred and we must come back and settle the account at last.
  • Joseph Murphy~ We go where our vision is.
  • Joseph P. Thompson~ Real glory springs from the silent conquest of ourselves.
  • Joseph Roux~ Solitude vivifies isolation kills.
  • Joseph Sobran~ Politics is the conspiracy of the unproductive but organized against the productive but unorganized.
  • Joseph Wood Krutch~ Technology made large populations possible large populations now make technology indispensable.
  • Josephus Daniels~ Defeat never comes to any man until he admits it.
  • Josh Billings~ About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
  • Josh Billings~ Flattery is like cologne water to be smelt of not swallowed.
  • Josh Billings~ Knowledge is like money the more he gets the more he craves.
  • Josh Billings~ Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot.
  • Josh Billings~ One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.
  • Josh Billings~ The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
  • Josh Billings~ The man whose only pleasure in life is making money weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm.
  • Josh Billings~ We hate those who will not take our advice and despise them who do.
  • Josh Traeger~ The quickest way to reach the point of success is to follow a straight line that carves through failure.
  • Joshua J. Marine~ Challenges are what make life interesting overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
  • Josiah Quincy~ When you have a number of disagreeable duties to perform always do the most disagreeable first.
  • Josiah Royce~ Thinking is like loving and dying. Each of us must do it for himself.
  • Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls. A joyful heart is the inevitable result of a heart burning with love. -Mother Teresa
  • Joyce Grenfell~ I have come to believe that giving and receiving are really the same. Giving and receiving - not giving and taking.
  • Judge not a man by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes. - Thomas Robert Dewar
  • Judging by the pictures, Hell looks better than that other place.
  • Judith Martin~ It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
  • Judith Martin~ We are born charming fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society.
  • Judy Garland~ Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
  • Judy Garland~ I can live without money but I cannot live without love.
  • Judy Grahn~ What you will do matters. All you need is to do it.
  • Jules Feiffer~ Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them
  • Jules Renard~ Be modest It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
  • Jules Renard~ Failure is not the only punishment for laziness there is also the success of others.
  • Jules Renard~ I am not sincere even when I say I am not.
  • Jules Renard~ I dont know if God exists but it would be better for His reputation if He didnt.
  • Jules Renard~ If I were to begin life again I should want it as it was. I would only open my eyes a little bit more.
  • Jules Renard~ The danger of success is that it makes us forget the worlds dreadful injustice.
  • Jules de Gautier~ Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.
  • Julia Louise Woodruff~ Out of the strain of the Doing Into the peace of the Done.
  • Julius Henry Marx~ Dont look now but theres one too many in this room and I think its you.
  • Julius Henry Marx~ From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
  • Julius Henry Marx~ Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
  • Julius Henry Marx~ The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that youve got it made.
  • Julius Robert Oppenheimer~ Any man whose errors take ten years to correct is quite a man.
  • Jury: Twelve men and women trying to decide which party has the best lawyer. Justice: A decision in your favor.
  • Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
  • Just Do It. -Nike
  • Just as no two hoomans have the same fingerprints, it's a fact that no two feline nose prints are alike.
  • Just as you began to feel that you could make good use of time, there was no time left to you. -Lisa Alther
  • Just because you're paranoid it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
  • Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
  • Just believing something can make it happen
  • Just between you, me, and the fence post.
  • Just go out there and do what you've got to do. -Martina Navratilova
  • Just say NO to sex with pro-lifers.
  • Just say charge it.
  • Just when I was getting used to yesterday along came today.
  • Just when you think lifes a bitch, it has puppies.
  • Justice without force is powerless. Force without justice is tyrannical. (Blaise Pascal)
  • Juvenal~ Be gentle with the young.
  • Juvenal~ Be rich to yourself and poor to your friends.
  • Juvenal~ One path alone leads to a life of peace The path of virtue.
  • Juvenal~ Think it the greatest impiety to prefer life to disgrace and for the sake of life to lose the reason for living.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ As ones gifts increase his friends decrease.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ Education sows not seeds in you but makes your seeds grow.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ Enthusiasm is a volcano on whose top never grows the grass of hesitation.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ Faith is a knowledge within the heart beyond the reach of proof.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ Fear of the devil is one way of doubting God.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ Hallow the body as a temple to comeliness and sanctify the heart as a sacrifice to love love recompenses the adorers.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ He who has not looked on Sorrow will never see Joy.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ I am indeed rich since my income is superior to my expense and my expense is equal to my wishes.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest with visions to be realized than lord among those without dreams and desires.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ Life without liberty is like a body without spirit.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ Man merely discovers he never can and never will invent.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ Music is the language of the spirit. It opens the secret of life bringing peace abolishing strife.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ Our worst fault is our preoccupation with the faults of others.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ Progress lies not in enhancing what is but in advancing toward what will be.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ Rebellion without truth is like spring in a bleak arid desert.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ Say not I have found the truth but rather I have found a truth.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ The eye of a human being is a microscope which makes the world seem bigger than it really is.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ The most solid stone in the structure is the lowest one in the foundation.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ The optimist sees the rose and not its thorns the pessimist stares at the thorns oblivious to the rose.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ We fear death yet we long for slumber and beautiful dreams.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ We were a silent hidden thought in the folds of oblivion and we have become a voice that causes the heavens to tremble.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ What difference is there between us save a restless dream that follows my soul but fears to come near you
  • Kahlil Gibran~ What do the nationalists say about killers punishing murderers and thieves sentencing looters
  • Kahlil Gibran~ When you have solved all the mysteries of life you long for death for it is but another mystery of life.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
  • Kahlil Gibran~ Zeal is a volcano the peak of which the grass of indecisiveness does not grow.
  • Kanta is a masai girl, she can tie a tie and untie a tie, if kanta can tie a tie and untie a tie, why can't I tie a tie and untie a tie?
  • Kareem Abdul-Jabar~ Ive had enough success for two lifetimes My success is talent put together with hard work and luck.
  • Karen Elizabeth Gordon~ Either Ive been missing something or nothing has been going on.
  • Karen Lamb~ A year from now you may wish you had started today.
  • Karen Sunde~ To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.
  • Karl Kleinpaste~ Genuinely skillful use of obscenities is uniformly absent on the Internet.
  • Karl Kraus~ A weak man has doubts before a decision a strong man has them afterwards.
  • Karl Kraus~ Education is what most receive many pass on and few possess.
  • Karl Kraus~ Experiences are savings which a miser puts aside. Wisdom is an inheritance which a wastrel cannot exhaust.
  • Karl Marx's Mother: If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ... it would have been much better.
  • Karmically challenged.
  • Katharine Graham~ No one can avoid aging but aging productively is something else.
  • Katharine Graham~ To love what you do and feel that it matters - how could anything be more fun
  • Katharine Hepburn~ If you always do what interests you at least one person is pleased.
  • Katherine Cebrian~ I dont even butter my bread. I consider that cooking.
  • Kathleen Norias~ Just the knowledge that a good book is awaiting one at the end of a long day makes that day happier.
  • Kathleen Norris~ If we are lucky we can give in and rest without feeling guilty. We can stop doing and concentrate on being.
  • Keep cool; anger is not an argument. -Daniel Webster
  • Keep granny off the streets, support bingo.
  • Keep honking - I'm deaf!
  • Keep it simple, stupid.
  • Keep something in reserve for emergencies
  • Keep true, never be ashamed of doing right, decide on what you think is right and stick to it.
  • Keep working, millions on welfare depend on you.
  • Keep your Butt in the your car. The earth is not your ashtray.
  • Keep your business affairs in your own hands. It's the only way to be happy. -Martha Washington
  • Keep your eyes glued to the T.V.
  • Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others. -Robert Lewis Stevenson
  • Keep your head in the clouds.. you're the first to know when it rains, and it's easier to see the silver lining.
  • Keep your mind on the things you want and off the things you don't want.
  • Keep your mind on the things you want and off the things you don't want. -Hannah Whitall Smith
  • Kelly Jeppesen~ What you are is Gods gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift back to God.
  • Kelly Le Brock~ On her first meeting with he ex-husband Steven Seagal He reminded me of an alien.
  • Kelly Marshall~ It matters not how tall you are but how straight you grow.
  • Kelvin III Throop~ Isnt it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists
  • Ken Dodd's dad's dog 's dead.
  • Ken Flaton~ If you sit down and dont see a fish at the table the fish is you.
  • Ken Kesey~ You cant really be strong until you see a funny side to things.
  • Ken Keys~ A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror.
  • Ken Olson~ There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
  • Ken Weaver~ Burnt Sienna. Thats the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.
  • Kenneth Chang~ A market is the combined behavior of thousands of people responding to information misinformation and whim.
  • Kenneth Kaunda~ When you go in search of honey you must expect to be stung by bees.
  • Kenneth Patton~ The day I see a leaf is a marvel of a day.
  • Keri Hulme~ Its the possibility that when youre dead you might still go on hurting that bothers me.
  • Kerry Thornley~ What we imagine is order is merely the prevailing form of chaos.
  • Kevin Smith~ With what you dont know about me I could just about fill the Grand Canyon.
  • Keyboard not connected, press F1 to continue.
  • Kids go where there is excitement. They stay where there is love. -Zig Ziglar
  • Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
  • Kierkegaard~ Far from idleness being the root of all evil it is rather the only true good.
  • Kierkegaard~ Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.
  • Kierkegaard~ People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.
  • Kilgore Trout~ The universe is a big place perhaps the biggest.
  • Kill 'em all. Let God sort it out.
  • Kim Hubbard~ A good front is half the battle in love or war.
  • Kim Hubbard~ Its what we learn after we think we know it all that counts.
  • Kim Hubbard~ Theres no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didnt tell you about it
  • Kim Hubbard~ When a fellow says it aint the money but the principle of the thing its the money.
  • Kin Hubbard~ The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.
  • Kin Hubbard~ The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.
  • Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. -Mother Teresa
  • Kindness and honesty can only be expected from the strong. -Unknown
  • Kindness and wisdom is the pathway leading to GOD'S LOVE! -Clara. - Clara
  • Kindness in words creates confidence Kindness in thinking creates profoundness Kindness in giving creates love. -Lao-Tzu
  • Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. -Lao Tzu
  • Kindness is the golden chain by which society is bound together. -Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
  • King Edward VIII~ The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children.
  • King Edward the Third~ Evil to him who evil thinks.
  • King Henry IV of France~ Fr. I want there to be no peasant in my realm so poor that he will not have a chicken in his pot every Sunday.
  • King Midas' dog--did everything he touch turn into a golden retriever?
  • Kisses are like tears, the only real ones are the ones you can't hold back.
  • Kittens are weaned at between six and seven weeks, and cats normally reach sexual maturity at 5-10 months (females)
  • Kittens begin to walk at around 20 days old.
  • Kittens believe that all nature is occupied with their diversion. - F.A. Paradis de Moncrif
  • Kittens tend to have a preference for a particular teat, they will stay with their choice until they are weaned
  • Klingon Empire Survey Vehicle
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Aaron! Aaron who! Aaron the barber's floor!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Abbey! Abbey who? Abbey stung me on the nose!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Abe! Abe who? Abe C D E F G H. . . !
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Abel! Abel who? Abel to see you, ha, ha!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Abyssinia! Abyssinia who? Abyssinia when I get back!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Acid! Acid who? Acidently on purpose!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Acis! Acis who? Acis spades!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Actor! Actor who? Actor you, my dear Alphonse!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Adder! Adder who? Adder you get in here?
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Adelia! Adelia who? Adelia the cards after you cut the pack!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Agatha! Agatha who? Agatha headache. Do you have an aspirin?
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Agnes! Agnes who? Agnes & Topeka & the Santa Fe!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Aida! Aida who? Aida more than I drink!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Aileen! Aileen who? Aileen against my Rolls Royce!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Aitch! Aitch who? Bless You!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Al! Al who? Al lied!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Alceste! Alceste who? Alceste to meet him later!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Alda! Alda who? Alda time you knew who it was!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Alexia! Alexia who? Alexia again to open this door!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Alfred! Alfred who! Alfred of the dark!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Alice! Alice who? Alice N. Tew if you'll listen to me!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Alison! Alison who? Alison to my radio in the mornings!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Alka! Alka who! Alka-phone!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Allegra! Allegra who? Allegra is broken!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Alma! Alma who? Alma-nack!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Almond! Almond who? Almond the side of the law! Kn
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Alpaca! Alpaca who? Alpaca picnic lunch!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Alvin! Alvin who! Alvin zis competition - just vait and see!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Amazon! Amazon who? Amazon of a gun!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Amour! Amour who? Amour you eat, the more you want!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Amy! Amy who? Amy for the top!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Anais! Anais who? Anais cup of tea!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Anatole! Anatole who? Anatole me you're a pain in the neck!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Anka! Anka who? Anka the ship!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Ankara! Ankara who? Ankara went off the cliff!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Anne Boleyn! Anne Boleyn who? Anne Boleyn alley!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Annetta! Annetta who? Annetta joke like that and you're off this bus!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Answer! Answer who? Answer all over your porch! It's a mess out here!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Anthea! Anthea who? Anthea get home by 8 O'clock, or else!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Anthem! Anthem who? You Anthem devil you!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Anya! Anya who? Anya best behavior!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! April! April who? April might make you feel better!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Aramis! Aramis who? Aramis'tery!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Aretha! Aretha who? Aretha flowers!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Argo! Argo who? Argo down the shops! Kn
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Argo! Argo who? Argo down to the beach for my holidays
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Aries! Aries who? Aries a reason why I talk this way!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Asa! Asa who! Asa-int amongst men!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Astor! Astor who? Astor the ball is over!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Austen! Austen who? Austen-tentatiously well off!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! B-2! B-2 who? B-2 school on time!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! B-4! B-4 who? B-4 I freeze to death, please open this door!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Badger! Badger who? Badger cookies!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Bar-B-Q! Bar-B-Q who? Bar-B-Q-t, but I think you're even cuter!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Barber! Barber who? Barberd wire!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Barbie! Barbie who? Barbie Q!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Baron! Baron who? Baron mind who you're talking to!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Barrister! Barrister who? Barristercratic!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Basket! Basket who? Basket home, it's nearly dark!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Bass! Bass who? Bass the salt and pepper please!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Bassoon! Bassoon who? Bassoon things will be better!
  • Knock Knock. Who's there! Bean! Bean who? Bean working very hard today!

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