One Liners Page 2

  • Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to it.
  • Life is a bitch; then you marry one.
  • Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel.
  • Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up, depends upon what you're made of.
  • Life is a roller coaster.You can either scream every time you hit a bump or you can throw your hands up in the air and enjoy it.
  • Life is a series of disappointments, followed by death.
  • Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life.
  • Life is an echo. What you send out - you get back. What you give - you get.
  • Life is fragile ... handle with prayer.
  • Life is full of surprises. Just say "never" and you'll see.
  • Life is hard, no one makes it out alive.
  • Life is hard.
  • Life is life.
  • Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what to expect.
  • Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're getting.
  • Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know when you'll find a nut.
  • Life is like a game of tennis; the player who serves well seldom loses.
  • Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense.
  • Life is like a ladder, the higher you climb, the more expansive your view is.
  • Life is like a mirror, if you frown at it, it frowns back; if you smile, it returns the greeting.
  • Life is like a movie..How good you do depends on your critics.
  • Life is like an onion. You peel it off layer by layer and sometimes you cry.
  • Life is messy.
  • Life is mostly froth and bubble;Two things stand like stone:Kindness in another's trouble,Courage in our own.
  • Life is not fair, but life is not fair for everyone. That makes life fair.
  • Life is not hard, it only needs some positive thinking.
  • Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
  • Life is really a bed of roses, others are just lucky to have friends to help them pick the thorns off.
  • Life is short, death is long.
  • Life is so much simpler when you tell the truth.
  • Life is so short, I want to experience as much as possible.
  • Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third.
  • Life is too short to long for money.
  • Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
  • Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.
  • Life is what you have while you are waiting to have one.
  • Life itself cannot give you joy unless you really will it. Life just gives you time and space. Its up to you to fill it.
  • Life just gives you time & space; it's up to you to fill it.
  • Life sucks, and then you die...
  • Life's not so bad, when you consider the alternative.
  • Like father, like son.
  • Like the pot calling the kettle black.
  • Like trying to piss up a rope.
  • Lily ladles little Letty's lentil soup.
  • Lions and tigers and bears, oh my.
  • Lisa laughed listlessly.
  • Listen to the local yokel yodel.
  • Listen when your body talks
  • Listening and hearing are two different senses.
  • Literally literary.
  • Little Mike left his bike like Tike at Spike's.
  • Little birdie in the sky, dropped a poopie in my eye I didn't scream, I didn't cry, But I thanked the Lord cows can't fly!
  • Little differences - like a letter in a word - make all the difference in the world.
  • Live by what you trust, not by what you fear.
  • Live each day as if it were your last, but learn from each day as if you will live forever.
  • Live for Jesus now and spend the rest of eternity in the non-smoking section.
  • Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people's souls.
  • Live your own life, for you will die your own death.
  • Local yokel jokes.
  • Lock, stock and barrel.
  • Lonely lowland llamas are ladylike.
  • Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror.
  • Look before you leap.
  • Looks like she was hit in the head with a bag of nickles.
  • Lord give me an answer, or give me the patience to wait for one, just do it now please!
  • Lord grant me the courage to do the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference.
  • Lord, be merciful, shut me up when my life speaks so much louder than my words.
  • Lord, make my words soft and tender for tomorrow I may have to eat them.
  • Lord, may others treat me tomorrow as I have treated them today.
  • Lost ball in high weeds.
  • Lost your marbles.
  • Lots of people would love working for him - if they were graver diggers.
  • Love God more than you fear hell.
  • Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.
  • Love comes around while doing things you like.
  • Love conquers all.
  • Love has reasons that reason knows nothing of.
  • Love hurts.
  • Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.
  • Love is blind.Marriage is the eye-opener.
  • Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
  • Love is never having to say you're sorry.
  • Love is not about who you live with... It's about who you can't live without.
  • Love is not finding a perfect person, it is seeing an imperfect person perfectly.
  • Love is not just gazing at each other but looking together in the same direction.
  • Love is not paid back only passed on.
  • Love is that condition in which the happiness of another is essential to your own.
  • Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly.
  • Love is the only fire hot enough to melt the iron obstinacy of a creature's will.
  • Love is the unity of two hearts beating together as one.
  • Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship, and find out you still care for that person.
  • Love makes a house a home.
  • Love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe.
  • Love sees no colour.
  • Love the sinner but hate the sin.
  • Love's a feeling you feel when you feel you're going to feel the feeling you've never felt before.
  • Love, like paint, can make things beautiful when you spread it, but it simply dries up when you don't use it.
  • Love: the only game that two can play and both can win.
  • Lovely lemon liniment.
  • Luck is a loser's excuse for a winner's position!
  • Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
  • Mae: I've been asked to get married lots of times. Rae: Who asked you? Mae: Mom and Dad. Lots of times.
  • Make My Day!
  • Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
  • Make like a banana and split (go away).
  • Make like the wind and blow out of here.
  • Make your life a mission, not an intermission.
  • Making a bad decision is better then making no decision at all.
  • Mallory's hourly salary.
  • Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one!
  • Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has courage to lose sight of the shore.
  • Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard.
  • Man's way leads to a hopeless end! Gods way leads to an endless hope!
  • Managing an imaginary menagerie?
  • Manual labor can be refreshing and wholesome
  • Many an anemone sees an enemy anemone.
  • Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
  • Many people lose their tempers merely by seeing you keep yours.
  • Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
  • Many people spend their health for wealth, and then try to spend their wealth for health.
  • Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
  • Marital problems? You don't need a new wife, you need a new life!
  • Marriage - is an expensive way of getting your laundry done for free.
  • Materialism is buying things we don't need, with money we don't have, to impress people who don't matter.
  • May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
  • May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you are dead.
  • May your children be so famous every policeman knows them.
  • May your daughters' hair grow thick, black, and abundant -- all over their faces.
  • May your life be long and useful like a roll of toilet paper.
  • May your trouble be like the old man's teeth...few and far between.
  • Meandering to a different drummer.
  • Measure twice. Cut once.
  • Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct; what they like to be is a man's last romance.
  • Men and women will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
  • Men tell you the facts, but God will tell you the truth!
  • Men will spend their health getting wealth. Then, gladly pay all they have earned to get health back.
  • Methods are many,Principles are few.Methods change often,Principles never do.
  • Middle age starts when you have been warned to slow down, not by a motorcycle cop, but by your doctor.
  • Midnight is where the day begins.
  • Minds, like parachutes, only function when they are open.
  • Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays, it insists on it.
  • Miss Smith lisps as she talks and lists as she walks.
  • Miss Smith's fish-sauce shop seldom sells shellfish.
  • Mix, Miss Mix!
  • Mommy made me eat my M&Ms.
  • Money comes and goes, but people last for a lifetime.
  • Money glitters, beauty sparkles, and intelligence shines.
  • Money is an excellent servant, but a horrible master.
  • Money is like unspreadable butter, you try and spread it but it all lumps together at one end of the bread.
  • Money is nice, yet nice is worth more.
  • Money talks bull shit walks.
  • Money talks.I'll not deny.I heard it once.It said good-bye.
  • Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
  • Money: a businessman earns it, an economist learns it, a banker turns it, a politician burns it, and a wise man spurns it.
  • Monkey see, monkey do.
  • Moose noshing much mush.
  • Morals of an alley cat and scruples of a snake.
  • More confused than a woodpecker in a concrete forest.
  • More doors are opened with "please" than with keys.
  • Mosquitoes are a great moral force; it forces mankind to wear more clothes that modesty.
  • Most accidents happen at home - maybe we should move.
  • Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.
  • Most jobs are marginally better than daytime TV.
  • Most of our suspicions of others are aroused by our knowledge of ourselves.
  • Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanting to be important.
  • Most people don't even know why they feel they have to work.
  • Most people want to serve God -- but only in an advisory capacity.
  • Mostly you should mind your own business
  • Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter ""T"".
  • Mrs Hunt had a country cut front in the front of her country cut pettycoat.
  • Mrs. Smith's Fish Sauce Shop.
  • Much mashed mushrooms.
  • Mummies make money.
  • Murphy's Law isn't recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  • Must I live my days in these concrete ways.
  • My "check engine" light came on the other day. I popped the hood, and looked, the engine is STILL there! Silly light . . .
  • My Dad used to say always fight fire with fire, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
  • My aim is that when my hands will work no longer, that the works of my hands will still continue to keep on working.
  • My best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
  • My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.
  • My dog is very obedient, he does what he is bid. A sign said 'wet paint', and that's just what he did.
  • My dogs are barking (meaning: my feet hurt).
  • My five-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher what her father does, and she replied, "Whatever my Mom tells him to.".
  • My goal in life is to be the sort of person my dog thinks I am.
  • My goose is cooked.
  • My house was clean last week.Sorry you missed it.
  • My love is like a cabbage, divided into two, The leaves I give to others but the heart I give to you.
  • My name is mud.
  • My parents worked hard to give us everything money could not buy.
  • My worst day of vacation has always been better than my best day at work.
  • Nat the bat swat at Matt the gnat.
  • National Sheepshire Sheep Association
  • Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.
  • Need some time to be alone, try washing the dishes!
  • Nervous as a shrew.
  • Never argue with a stupid person. First they'll drag you down to their level, then they will beat you with experience.
  • Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.
  • Never confuse having a career with having a life.
  • Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
  • Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.
  • Never fear shadows... they simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby.
  • Never go to bed with anyone crazier than you.
  • Never let a problem become an excuse!
  • Never place anything bigger in your ear than your elbow.
  • Never say anything unless it is kind, necessary and true.
  • Never seek the wind in the field. It is useless to try and find what is gone.
  • Never stand between a dog and a tree.
  • Never trouble about trouble until trouble troubles you!
  • Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
  • Never up, never in.
  • Never wrestle with a pig. You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
  • New friends are silver, old friends are gold. Always make new friends but don't forget the old.
  • Next to the originator of a good sentence is the first quoter of it.
  • Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  • Nick knits Nixon's knickers.
  • Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
  • Nine nice night nymphs.
  • Nine nimble noblemen nibbled nuts
  • No God - No Peace.Know God - Know Peace.
  • No Jesus - No Love.Know Jesus - Know Love.
  • No Witnesses, No Regrets.
  • No answer is also an answer.
  • No blood, no foul.
  • No hands (sports cliche).
  • No happy time is really gone, if it leaves a special memory.
  • No horse goes as fast as the money you bet on him.
  • No individual raindrop ever considers itself responsible for the flood.
  • No man ever injured his eyesight by looking on the bright side of things.
  • No man ever repented on his deathbed of being a Christian.
  • No man is a failure who has friends.
  • No man is too big to be kind...but many men are too little.
  • No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions.
  • No matter how far you have gone on a wrong road, turn back.
  • No matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
  • No matter how pretty she is , someone, somewhere is tired of her crap.
  • No matter what happens Today. You must remember that...Today will be Tomorrow's past, and Tomorrow will be Today.
  • No matter what you want to do, there's always something else that has to be done first.
  • No matter where you go, there you are.
  • No need to light a night light on a light night like tonight.
  • No one ever injured his eyesight by looking on the bright side of things.
  • No one is responsible for all the things that happen to him, but he is responsible for the way he acts when they do happen.
  • No one plans to fail but people can fail to plan.
  • No one should live by the early bird policy without finding out whether he classifies as a bird or a worm.
  • No pain, no gain.
  • No problem, it's a cinch.
  • No problem, it's a done deal.
  • No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
  • No shark shares swordfish steak.
  • No shipshape ships shop stocks shop-soiled shirts.
  • No shit, sherlock.
  • No, my powers can only be used for good.
  • Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.
  • Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
  • Nobody is perfect....I am Nobody!!!
  • Nobody plans to fail, they just fail to plan.
  • Non-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
  • Norse myths.
  • Nose around (snoop).
  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  • Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
  • Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin!
  • Not our activity for Him but our captivity to Him!
  • Not worth the paper it's written on.
  • Note on a door: Out to lunch; if not back by five, out for dinner also.
  • Nothing great, nothing gross.
  • Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.
  • Nothing is as soft as water, yet who can withstand the raging flood?
  • Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.
  • Nothing is worth thousands of deaths.
  • Nothing seems impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
  • Nothing seems to bring on an emergency as quickly as putting money aside in case of one.
  • Nothing ventured, nothing lost (or gained).
  • Nothing you could say could offend me. I only get offended by things that make sense.
  • Notice: The only person getting his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
  • Observation: A carelessly planned project will take three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project will take only twice as long.
  • Observation: I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
  • Observation: It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.
  • Observation: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
  • Observation: Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
  • Observation: The user does not know what he wants until he sees what he gets.
  • Observation: When you are over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
  • Obtained a black eye over something(meaning a loss of reputation or respect).
  • Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest of these is: "It might have been".
  • Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
  • Of course life is hard, that's why they pay you the big bucks.
  • Of course, there's now a higher percentage of seat belt users. The non-users are slowly being killed off.
  • Often, the only way to comfort the suffering is to understand that you can't understand and just be there.
  • Oh Lord, help me to keep my big mouth shut until I know what I'm talking about.
  • Old coaches never die, they just lose their balls.
  • Old coot.
  • Old hippies never die, they just surrender to society.
  • Old oily Ollie oils old oily autos.
  • On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
  • On a front door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.
  • On a lazy laser raiser lies a laser ray eraser.
  • On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  • Once bitten, twice shy.
  • Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back into the same box.
  • One brick short of a load (reference to being stupid).
  • One day I will wake up, and it will all fit together.
  • One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
  • One good thing about forgetting is that you can no longer worry about what ever it was you forgot.
  • One half of the world will never understand the other half, and it doesn't matter which half you're in.
  • One hand doesn't always know what the other is doing.
  • One hedgehog hedged up the hedge, whilst another hedge hog hedged down.
  • One lost, ten found.
  • One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
  • One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
  • One of the surest hindrances to the recovery of the sick is the centring of attention upon themselves.
  • One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment.
  • One reason why computers can do more work than people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone.
  • One thing you can give and still keep, is your word.
  • One time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it is holding a parking ticket.
  • One who looks for a friend without faults will have none.
  • One will never reach distant shores, if he chooses to remain upon the dock, In fear his little ship of dreams may be dashed against the rocks.
  • One with God is a majority.
  • Only boring people get bored.
  • Only in America do people order double cheese burgers, a large fries, and a diet coke.
  • Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage.
  • Open your mind to God's wisdom, open your soul to God's peace, open your heart to God's love and all three will stay with you forever.
  • Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
  • Optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
  • Others may argue your beliefs, but they can't refuse your love.
  • Our arms are the only ones God has to hug His children.
  • Our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
  • Our character is shaped as much by our failures as it is by our successes.
  • Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than look back.
  • Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth - a sense of humor.
  • Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
  • Our toaster works on either AC or DC, but not on bread. It has two settings: too soon or too late.
  • Out damn spot!
  • Out like a Light.
  • Out of sight, out of mind.
  • Outer agitation reveals inner instability.
  • Overheard during a particular long sermon, "If we give him the money now, Mommy, will he let us go?".
  • Pacific Lithograph.
  • Pandemonium reigns (or breaks out).
  • Pass (i.e., Let's head them off at the pass).
  • Passion: A feeling you feel when you feel a feeling you've never felt before.
  • Passion: there are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those.
  • Patience is a mild form of dispair disguised as a virtue.
  • Patience is the silken cord on which are strung the pearls of virtue.
  • Paul, please pause for proper applause.
  • Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes.
  • Peggy Bobcock's mummy.
  • Penny wise, pound foolish.
  • People are funny. They want the front of the bus, middle of the road, and the back of the church.
  • People are like tea bags - You have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are!
  • People are never too busy to tell you all that they have to do.
  • People are not in touch with reality, if they think they are important
  • People do not care how much you know, till they know how much you care!
  • People do not plan to fail, they just fail to plan.
  • People forget how fast you did a job- but they remember how well you did it.
  • People forget what you said.People forget what you did.But people never forget how you made them feel.
  • People in power need the power of prayer.
  • People make mistakes, we're human.
  • People may not always believe what you say, but they will believe what you do.
  • People never say, "It's only a game", when they're winning.
  • People pick bad things from bad company very quickly but good company takes a good time to gift good things to them.
  • People pledging plenty of pennies.
  • People want the front of the bus; back of the church and centre of attention.
  • People who do the world's real work don't usually wear neckties.
  • People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
  • People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of them being made.
  • People who think they're out of this world always make you wish they were.
  • People who value their privileges above their principles, soon lose both.
  • People who want by the yard, but try by the inch, should be kicked by the foot !
  • People will accept your idea more readily, if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
  • People will believe most anything that is whispered to another.
  • People with true character show it when nobody else is present.
  • People would enjoy life more if, once they got what they wanted, they could remember how much they wanted it.
  • People would worry less about what others think of them if they only realised how seldom they do.
  • Pete's pa pete poked to the pea patch to pick a peck of peas for the poor pink pig in the pine hole pig-pen.
  • Peter poked a poker at the piper, so the piper poked pepper at Peter.
  • Philosophy can not be attained from text on a page... it comes from with the soul.
  • Pirates Private Property
  • Piss out the fire, call the dogs, and lets go home.
  • Pissed as a fart.
  • Plague-bearing prairie dogs.
  • Plain bun, plum bun, bun without plum.
  • Plan ahead: It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark!
  • Playin poker with the pros (he's dead).
  • Please pay promptly.
  • Plenty of love, Tons of kisses, Hope some day, To be your Mrs.
  • Plymouth sleuths thwart Luther's slithering.
  • Politics is used for personal gain
  • Politics makes strange bed fellows.
  • Politics: Poly.
  • Pooped purple pelicans.
  • Poor planning on your part does not create an emergency on my part.
  • Pope Sixtus VI's six texts.
  • Positive anything is better than negative nothing.
  • Potential counts for nothing until it's realized
  • Poverty is a condition with but one advantage, it doesn't take much to improve your lot.
  • Poverty within is as dangerous as poverty without.
  • Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely.
  • Power works best in the hands of those who don't want it.
  • Practice 'till it becomes second nature to you.
  • Praise can be your most valuable asset as long as you don't aim it at yourself.
  • Pray as if everything depended on GOD, Act as if everything depended on yourself!
  • Prayer does not cause faith to work, faith causes prayer to work.
  • Prayer is the key to Heaven, but faith unlocks the door.
  • Praying is hard; living without it is harder.
  • Precious is the parrot who is trained by a clean tongue.
  • Presence is more than just being there. If your absence doesn't make any difference, your presence won't either.
  • Preshrunk shirts.
  • Preshrunk silk shirts
  • Pride is something we have. Vanity is something others have.
  • Professionals built the Titanic, amateurs built the ark.
  • Proverbs are short sentences drawn from long experience.
  • Proverbs contain within one or two lines the lessons of lifetime.
  • Pursuing pleasure for the sake of pleasure will ruin you
  • Push yourself to the limit as often as possible
  • Put a fork in me, I'm done.
  • Put the moves on ( a girl or guy).
  • Put your creed in your deed.
  • Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.
  • Quality is presence of value and not absence of mistake.
  • Que sera, sera.
  • Quit while you're ahead.
  • Quotations are sometimes valuable pearls, but original thoughts can be priceless treasure.
  • Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
  • Raining like a cow peeing on a flat rock.
  • Raise Ruth's red roof.
  • Rally 'round the flag.
  • Rattle your bottles in Rollocks' van.
  • Rattling 'round like a pea in a jam jar.
  • Reading the Bible without meditating on it is like trying to eat without swallowing.
  • Real generosity is doing something nice for someone who will never find out.
  • Real rear wheel
  • Real rock wall, real rock wall, real rock wall
  • Real wristwatch straps.
  • Really leery, rarely Larry.
  • Rebellion is the mother of wrong actions.
  • Receive a black eye over this.
  • Red Buick, blue Buick
  • Red blood, green blood
  • Red leather! Yellow leather!
  • Red lorry, yellow lorry
  • Refusing to have an opinion is a way of having one.
  • Relationships can be boring - not people!
  • Remember that failure is an event - not a person.
  • Remember the golden rule: he who has the gold makes the rules.
  • Remember, don't put it off... Go ahead and do it... If you get to it... And don't do it... You may never get to it.. To do it... Again.
  • Remember, pain is nature's way of reminding you who's in charge.
  • Remember, worth and value are not wrapped up in what you do.You are not a human doing.You are a human being.
  • Remember, your relatives had no choice in the matter either.
  • Remove Serendipity from cliche list.
  • Repentance is never something to be ashamed of.
  • Repentance is sorrow for the deed..not for getting caught.
  • Reputation is made in a moment: character is built in a lifetime.
  • Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
  • Respect cannot be learned, purchased or acquired- it can only be earned.
  • Respect is mutual, if you don't respect others viewpoints, chances are they won't acknowledge yours.
  • Revenge has no more quenching effect on emotions, than salt water has on thirst.
  • Rex wrecks wet rocks.
  • Rhys watched Ross switch his Irish wristwatch for a Swiss wristwatch.
  • Rich earn; smart learn.
  • Richard's wretched ratchet wrench.
  • Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before..
  • Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
  • Right on!
  • Ripe white wheat reapers reap ripe white wheat right.
  • Roberta ran rings around the Roman ruins.
  • Roland road in a Rolls Royce.
  • Rolling red wagons
  • Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.
  • Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one doesn't.
  • Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.
  • Round the rugged rock, the ragged rascal ran.
  • Rubber baby buggy bumpers.
  • Ruby Rugby's brother bought and brought her back some rubber baby-buggy bumpers.
  • Rules without relationship equals rebellion.
  • Run it up the flagpole and see who slautes it.
  • Run with the hare, hunt with the hounds.
  • Rush the washing, Russel!
  • Ruth's red roof.
  • S*x is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
  • SNAFU (situation normal, all fucked up).
  • Saddled with work (or some other burden).
  • Sally sells sea shells by the seashore.
  • Salvation can't be bought and sold
  • Sam's shop stocks short spotted socks.
  • Same time, same place.
  • Sarah saw a shot-silk sash shop full of shot-silk sashes
  • Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  • Save Gas, Eat Beans!
  • Save time ... see it my way.
  • Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.
  • Scissors sizzle, thistles sizzle.
  • Screwed up as Hogan's Goat.
  • Second place is the first loser.
  • Secrets are secret.
  • See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
  • See you later, alligator.
  • Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
  • Seen on the back of a biker's vest:If you can read this, my wife fell off.
  • Seized his knees and sneezed.
  • Selfish sharks sell shut shellfish.
  • Selfish shellfish.
  • Selflessness is the highest achievement
  • Sentences that begin with "all women" are never, never true.
  • Serenity now!
  • Serve Locally - Pray Globally.
  • Seth at Sainsbury's sells thick socks.
  • Seth's sharp spacesuit shrank.
  • Seven Silly Swans Swam Silently Seaward
  • Seven days without prayer makes one weak.
  • Seven sleazy shysters in sharkskin suits sold sheared sealskins to seasick sailors.
  • Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.
  • Seventy seven benevolent elephants
  • Sex differences are here to stay
  • Sex is like nose picking. It's fine as long as you practice it yourself, but it's disgusting watching someone else doing it.
  • Sex is the question, no is the answer.
  • Sexist sixties.
  • Shaken like a baby (scared).
  • Shape up or ship out!
  • Share your smile with everyone, but save your kiss for only one.
  • Shared suffering brings people together faster than anything else does.
  • Sharp as a basketball.
  • Sharp as a wet corn flake.
  • She ceased shining shoes and socks, for shoes and socks shock Susan.
  • She could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
  • She goes through money like a fart through a pair of jeans.
  • She had shoulder surgery.
  • She is an expert housekeeper: every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
  • She said she should sit!
  • She saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure she saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa?
  • She sees cheese.
  • She sees seas slapping shores.
  • She sells Swiss sweets.
  • She sells sea shells by the seashore.
  • She sells seashells on the seashore. The seashells she sells are seashore seashells.
  • She sifted thistles through her thistle-sifter.
  • She sits in her slip and sips Schlitz.
  • She slits the sheet she sits on.
  • She stood on the balcony inexplicably mimicing him hiccupping, and amicably welcoming him home.
  • She's quite a ONE !
  • She/he would a rock pile if she thought there was a snake in it.
  • Sheena leads, Sheila needs.
  • Shelter for six sick scenic sightseers.
  • Sherman shops at cheap chop suey shops.
  • Shit happens.
  • Shoe section, shoe section, shoe section, ...
  • Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you will land among the stars.
  • Shooter's bounce(basketball cliche).
  • Shooter's eye (basketball cliche).
  • Shooter's touch (basketball cliche).
  • Shot at and missed, hit on and hit.
  • Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
  • Show a little bit of your anger everyday instead of showing a lot of it on one day.
  • Show me a man with both feet on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't put on his pants.
  • Show me some guts!
  • Shredded Swiss chesse.
  • Shut the door. Were you born in a barn?
  • Shut up the shutters and sit in the shop.
  • Shy Shelly says she shall sew sheets.
  • Sign at a crematorium: Urn more. Pay less.
  • Sign at animal shelter, Children left unattended will be given a puppy or a kitten.
  • Sign at the Pavlov Institute: Knock: Please don't ring bell.
  • Sign on a church bulletin board: Planning to go to Heaven? Get your flight training here.
  • Sign on a church bulletin board: You aren't too bad to come in, You aren't good enough to stay out.
  • Signed, sealed and delivered.
  • Silence is golden but shouting is fun.
  • Silence is golden, and example is the best teacher, so is a silent example a golden teacher, ..... or is a silent teacher a golden example?
  • Silence is the only thing that can't be misquoted!
  • Silence is wise if we are foolish, but foolish if we are wise.
  • Silly sheep weep and sleep.
  • Silver's law: If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.
  • Since I have smashed my denominational glasses, I have a better vision of who Christ is.
  • Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
  • Sinful Caesar sipped his snifter,
  • Sing like you know the words; dance like no one's watching; and love like it's never going to hurt.
  • Singing Sammy sung songs on sinking sand.
  • Sink a shot ( basketball cliche ).
  • Sister Susie sewing shirts for soldiers.
  • Six crisp snacks.
  • Six of one, half a dozen of the other.
  • Six quick sneezes, six quick sneezes, six quick sneezes
  • Six sharp smart sharks.
  • Six shimmering sharks sharply striking shins.
  • Six shining cities, six shining cities, six shining cities.
  • Six short slow shepherds.
  • Six shy shavers sheared six shy sheep.
  • Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
  • Six sick sea-serpents swam the seven seas.
  • Six sick sheep.
  • Six sick slick slim sycamore saplings.
  • Six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards
  • Six slimy snails sailed silently.
  • Six slippery snails, slid slowly seaward.
  • Six sticky sucker sticks.
  • Six thick thistle sticks.
  • Six twin screwed steel steam cruisers.
  • Sixish.
  • Skier; one who pays an arm and a leg for the opportunity to break them.
  • Slow as molasses.
  • Slow as shit through a tin horn.
  • Sly Sam slurps Sally's soup.
  • Smile! It increases your face value.
  • Smile.... it makes others wonder what you're thinking.
  • Smooth moves, Exlax ( a good put down for a buddy).
  • So far, so good.
  • So let it be written--so let it be done.
  • So let it be written; so let it be done.
  • So many people will walk in and out of your life, but those who leave foot prints are true friends.
  • So unpleasant he/she can piss off the Pope saying good morning.
  • So what's the speed of dark?
  • Some goals are so worthy, it's glorious even to fail.
  • Some have the wisdom of old age and the energy of youth. Most have the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
  • Some minds are like concrete... all mixed up and permanently set.
  • Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.
  • Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.
  • Some people are bitter, some sour, others are sweet. Who you hang out with depends on your taste.
  • Some people attend church three times in their lives: when they're hatched, when they're matched, and when they're dispatched.
  • Some people complain because the roses have thorns. Others give thanks because the thorns have roses.
  • Some people drink deeply from the fountain of knowledge, while some others only gargle.
  • Some people grumble because roses have thorns. Be thankful instead that thorns have roses.
  • Some people hate waking up and getting out of bed. I enjoy it. I do it three or four times a day.
  • Some people just don't take advice, they have to hit their own head off the wall to believe it will hurt!!
  • Some people reach the top of the ladder of success only to find it is leaning against the wrong wall.
  • Some people take too much of vitamin "I".
  • Some people think holding on makes them strong, sometimes its letting go.
  • Some persons don't know the difference between thinking for yourself, and thinking of yourself.
  • Some succeed because they are destined to. But most succeed because they are determined to.
  • Some things that cost $5 to buy several years ago now costs $10 just to repair.
  • Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws trying to enforce 10 commandments.
  • Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
  • Sometimes God doesn't tell us His plan because we wouldn't believe it anyway.
  • Sometimes I know that there is intelligent life on other planets because they haven't tried to contact us.
  • Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night.".
  • Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
  • Sometimes it costs more to do nothing than to do something.
  • Sometimes it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission.
  • Sometimes providences, like Hebrew letters, must be read backward.
  • Sometimes the Lord calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.
  • Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.
  • Sometimes to be headstrong, is to be brain-weak.
  • Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up.
  • Soul-winning and missions is the life blood of the church.
  • Source: None
  • Space is a dangerous place...especially if it's between your ears!
  • Spark plug car park.
  • Stagecoach stops.
  • Stand up and salute the red, white, and blue.
  • Statistics is like a Bikini; what is revealed is suggestive, but what is concealed is vital.
  • Sterilise: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
  • Stick a fork in him, he's done.
  • Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can shatter my soul.
  • Still water runs dirty and deep.
  • Still waters run deep.
  • Strange strategic statistics.
  • Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
  • Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
  • Stride and strut goeth before a fall; tried and true goeth before a raise.
  • Strong expressions create deep impressions.
  • Stupidity is NOT a handicap! PARK ELSEWHERE!
  • Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
  • Success comes in cans, not can't s.
  • Success in marriage is more than finding the right person. It's becoming the right person.
  • Success is a journey not a destination.
  • Success is a ladder that can not be climbed with your hands in your pockets.
  • Success is relative - the more success, the more relatives.
  • Success occurs when opportunity meets preparation.
  • Success: its an never ending improvement in what you do.
  • Such a shapeless sash!
  • Such is life, and it's getting sucher and sucher.
  • Suffering well borne is better than suffering removed.
  • Sunshine city, sunshine city, sunshine city, ...
  • Sure the ship's shipshape, sir.
  • Susan shineth shoes and socks; socks and shoes shines Susan.
  • Suzie Seaword's fish-sauce shop sells unsifted thistles for thistle-sifters to sift.
  • Swatch watch
  • Sweet sagacious Sally Sanders said she sure saw seven segregated seaplanes sailing swiftly southward Saturday.
  • Switch watch, wrist watch.
  • Sympathy sees and says, "I'm sorry."Compassion sees and says, "I'll help.".
  • Synonym cinnamon.
  • T-shirt: My heart belongs to Daddy. . .and so do my credit cards!
  • Tacky tractor trailer trucks.
  • Take a hike (go away).
  • Take a slow boat to china.
  • Take care of your character and your reputation will take care of itself.
  • Talk 'till your blue in the face.
  • Talk is cheap, barbers give it away free with haircuts.
  • Talking is used to hide one's inability to act
  • Tastes like chicken.
  • Tears will get you sympathy. Sweat will get you results.
  • Teenagers express their burning desires to be different by dressing exactly alike.
  • Television ruins more minds than drugs.
  • Telling the boss what a good worker you are is worth 1%..showing him is worth 96%.
  • Telling the truth and making someone cry is just as bad as telling a lie and making someone smile!
  • Temptation resisted is the true measure of character.
  • Ten tame tadpoles tucked tightly together in a thin tall tin.
  • Thank the other three brothers of their father's mother's brother's side.
  • That and $x can buy you y [where y is an item costing $x].
  • That dog will hunt.
  • That is the way you spell New York.
  • That which is acquired without difficulty is dispersed with equal facility.
  • That which was hard to endure is sweet to remember.
  • That which you cannot give away, you don't possess; it possesses you.
  • That's all she wrote!
  • That's enough to piss off the good humor man!
  • That's funny you calling me an animal, and it's you that has the webbed feet.
  • That's like being nibbled to death by ducks.
  • That's not a bald spot, it's a solar panel for a sex machine.
  • That's the way the cookie crumbles.
  • The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
  • The British have a reputation for keeping calm even when there is no crisis.
  • The Chinese word for "crisis" contains two characters. One of them means "opportunity".
  • The Congress is a strange place where people get up and speak, nobody listens, and then everyone disagrees at the top of their lungs.
  • The Iron Rule: Don't do for others what, given the chance, they wouldn't do for themselves.
  • The Leith police dismisseth us.
  • The Lord loves a cheerful giver. He also accepts from a grouch.
  • The Lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math.
  • The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.
  • The Pen is mightier than the sword.
  • The U.S. twin-screw cruiser.
  • The act of giving is more important than the merit of the receiver.
  • The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.
  • The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.
  • The attitude within is more important than the circumstances without.
  • The axe soon forgets, but the tree always remembers.
  • The bank of friendship cannot exist for long without deposits.
  • The batter with the butter is the batter that is better!
  • The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith. The beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.
  • The beloved of the Almighty are the rich who have the humility of the poor, and the poor who have the magnanimity of the rich.
  • The best angle from which to approach any problem is the try-angle.
  • The best bridge between hope and despair is often a good night's sleep.
  • The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.
  • The best of battles are won on our knees...
  • The best revenge is a vow to never be like the one who hurt you.
  • The best time to plant an oak tree is 20 years ago, the next best time is right now!
  • The best way to beat your enemy is to beat him at politeness.
  • The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment.
  • The best way to have the last word is to apologize.
  • The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.
  • The best way to overcome temptation is to avoid the tempting situation.
  • The big bad baby brought the bought black blanket back
  • The bigger they come, the harder they fall.
  • The biggest liar you'll ever have to deal with probably watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.
  • The biggest man you ever did see once was a baby.
  • The boot black bought the black boot back.
  • The boss is always right, even when he's wrong.
  • The burdens of the world on my back lightens the world not one whit, while removing them greatly decreases my specific gravity.
  • The business of preaching is to comfort the disturbed and to disturb the comfortable.
  • The cheapest gift I have to give is kindness, and it is the best.
  • The church is looking for better methods. God is looking for better men.
  • The cold absolute truth is much more preferred than a kind and uncertain lie.
  • The collapse of character begins with compromise.
  • The contented person is never poor.The discontented is never rich.
  • The crow flew over the river with a lump of raw liver. .
  • The cruelest disappointment is when you let yourself down
  • The deepest waters make the least noise.
  • The definition of luck is when opportunity meets preparation.
  • The desire of knowledge, like the thirst of riches, increases ever with the acquisition of it.
  • The desire of love is to give. The desire of lust is to get.
  • The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know.
  • The difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is about a week.
  • The difference between a rebel and a patriot is wether who is in power.
  • The difference between men and boys .... .... is the price of their toys.
  • The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.
  • The difference between this company and a cactus plant is that the plant has pricks on the outside.
  • The doctor is not able to operate the notable, because he has no table!
  • The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
  • The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on forecasters.
  • The empty can rattles the most.
  • The epitome of femininity.
  • The ex-egg examiner.
  • The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
  • The fastest way to find something you've lost is to replace it.
  • The fellow who has no money is poor; the fellow who has nothing but money is poorer still.
  • The fellow who is fired with enthusiasm for his work is seldom fired by his boss.
  • The fickle finger of fate flips fat frogs flat.
  • The first 90% of project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
  • The first time we kissed, I closed my eyes, You closed your eyes and........ We missed!
  • The foundation of relationships is based on the premise of mutual purpose.
  • The fuzzy bee buzzed the buzzy busy beehive.
  • The gap between advice and help is very wide.
  • The grass is always greener.
  • The grass is brown on both sides of the fence.
  • The great lie of the news media: "I am the public".
  • The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.
  • The greatest actions of love often got unnoticed.
  • The greatest fool of all is the man who fools himself.
  • The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.
  • The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot.
  • The greatest tragedy is when man gives up what he wants most for what he wants now!
  • The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist.
  • The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; They just make the best of everything that comes along their way.
  • The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
  • The hare's ear heard ere the hare heeded.
  • The heart has reasons which reason does not understand.
  • The heart that loves is always young.
  • The horn of plenty is usually the one behind you in traffic!
  • The idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
  • The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.
  • The insane create worlds, the sane live in them... the sane create cages, the insane live in them.
  • The is FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Repair).
  • The key to happiness is not fixing your problems but changing your attitude towards your problems.
  • The last 7 words of a dying church: "We never did it like that before".
  • The last place he lived in, he campaigned for dry law, got it passed and then moved away.
  • The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population.
  • The lesson is what you read in the fine print. The experience is what you get when you don't.
  • The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a train.
  • The lights are on but no one's home.
  • The longer the title the less important the job.
  • The longer you wait, the better the date.
  • The love in your heart wasn't put there to stay.Love isn't love till you give it away.
  • The love of parents for their child is measured by the length they will go to compete with the world for the love of that child.
  • The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
  • The meaning of life is not a question to be answered, but an event to be experienced.
  • The measure of a man is not the number of servants he has, but the number of people he serves.
  • The memory of bad quality lasts longer than the shock of high prices.
  • The mind can only stand what the butt can endure.
  • The mind is like a parachute, it's no good unless it's open!
  • The mind of a poet begins with an H and ends with a T, listening with an EAR in between.
  • The minute you start talking about what you are going to do if you lose, you have lost.
  • The more I know the more I know I don't know.
  • The more things change, the more they stay the same.
  • The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.
  • The most profound things are inexpressible
  • The myth of Miss Muffet.
  • The new is nothing but a restatement of the old
  • The next time the devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future.
  • The next time you'll meet anyone like him, it will have to be In a Nightmare.
  • The nice thing about standards is, there are so many to choose from.
  • The noblest revenge is to forgive.
  • The ochre ogre ogled the poker.
  • The older I get, the older old is.
  • The older the violin, the sweeter the music.
  • The one who makes it, sells it. The one who buys it, never uses it. The one that uses it, never knows that he's using it. What is it?A coffin.
  • The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
  • The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
  • The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
  • The only limitations to God are in our mind.
  • The only man who is a bigger fool than the one who knows it all is the one who will argue with him.
  • The only routine with me is no routine at all.
  • The only stupid question is the question you don't ask.
  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
  • The only thing I like about the stones that come in my way is, once I pass across them, they automatically become my milestones!
  • The only thing worse than an ignorant man is an ignorant man with a bible.
  • The only thing you have to do is breathe; Everything else is just optional.
  • The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.
  • The only way he can hear any good about himself is to talk to himself.
  • The only way to be free is to limit yourself.
  • The opinion of the intelligent is better than the certainty of the ignorant.
  • The opposite of love is not hate, but apathy. You cannot hate someone you don't care about.
  • The optimist says, "My cup runneth over, what a blessing." The pessimist says, "My cup runneth over, what a mess.".
  • The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true.
  • The past is history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present.
  • The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you.
  • The people who holler "All power to the people!" want power to be handed to the people who holler "All power to the people!".
  • The person who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.
  • The person who says he trusts no one should include himself.
  • The pessimist complains about the direction of the wind, the optimist expects the direction to change, but the leader simply adjusts the sails!
  • The purpose of education is to replace an empty mind with an open one.
  • The quack quit asking quick questions.
  • The quality of expectations determines the quality of our action.
  • The queen coined quick clipped quips.
  • The queen in green screamed.
  • The quest for beauty is a quest for love.
  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
  • The real problem concerning your leisure is how to keep other people from using it.
  • The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common "enemy".
  • The rich invest; the smart investigate.
  • The road of life (and endless varitaions).
  • The ruddy widow really wants ripe watermelon and red roses when winter arrives.
  • The safest way to cross life's streets is to hold hands.
  • The same sun that melts butter hardens clay.
  • The sawingest saw I ever saw saw
  • The sea ceaseth, but it sufficeth us
  • The secret of happiness is to admire without desire.
  • The secret of true greatness is simplicity.
  • The seething sea ceaseth; thus the seething sea sufficeth us.
  • The seething seas ceaseth and twiceth the seething seas sufficeth us.
  • The ship is safer in the harbour, but it is not meant for that.
  • The shortest books: 1) A guide to arab democracies2) Everything men know about women3) The Amish phonebook.
  • The shortest distance between two jokes makes a perfect speech.
  • The shutter's shut, the son did utter,
  • The silence of one man can be louder than the screaming of 10 boys!
  • The sixth sheik's sixth sheep's sick.
  • The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.
  • The soldier's shoulder surely hurts!
  • The soldiers shouldered shooters on their shoulders.
  • The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
  • The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.
  • The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease..sometimes it gets replaced.
  • The sum of human knowledge is not contained in any one language.
  • The sum of your actions determines what you are
  • The sun, reflecting upon the mud of strands and shores, is unpolluted in his beam.
  • The thirty-three thieves thought that they thrilled the throne throughout Thursday.
  • The tip you leave now for lunch would have bought you one twenty years ago.
  • The toes you step on today just might be connected to the ass you kiss tomorrow.
  • The tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.
  • The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
  • The trouble with man is two-fold; he cannot learn truths which are too complicated.. he forgets truths which are too simple.
  • The trouble with most jobs is the resemblance to being in a dog sled team. No one gets a change of scenery, except the lead dog.
  • The trouble with work is - it's so daily.
  • The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive.
  • The truth is like ice water, it shocks you when it hits you, but no one's ever died from it.
  • The truth will set you free...but first, it will make you miserable.
  • The truth won't be told by the few who know.
  • The two-twenty-two train tore through the tunnel.
  • The wages of sin is death. Repent before payday.
  • The waiting is the hardest part.
  • The way to make the cold winter go fast is to sign a note in October that becomes due in six months.
  • The weakest Christians are those who know that they need to pray . . . and yet don't pray.
  • The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard further than the roar of a lion.
  • The will of God will never take you to where the grace of God will not protect you.
  • The will to win is important, but the will to prepare is vital.
  • The willow knows what the storm does not; the power to endure harm outlives the power to inflict it.
  • The woman who thinks no man is good enough for her may be right.... But she is more often left.
  • The wonder of a single snowflake outweighs the wisdom of a million meteorologists.
  • The woods are always empty if you're a poor hunter.
  • The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.
  • The world goes to shit when I don't do this first.
  • The world is a great big book, of which those who never travel read only one page.
  • The world is composed of givers and takers..the takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better.
  • The world is like a beehive: We all enter by the same door but we live in different cells.
  • The world is so fast that there are days when the person who says it can't be done is interrupted by the person who is doing it.
  • The world may be your oyster, but it doesn't mean you'll get its pearl.
  • The world was not given to us by our parents, it was lent to us by our children!
  • The world would run a lot smoother if more men knew how to dance.
  • The wrd of God will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from the Word of God.
  • The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions.
  • The zoo is a place for animals to study the behaviour of human beings.
  • Thelma sings the theme song.
  • Theopholus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, successfully sifted some thistles.
  • There are ears in the corn field.
  • There are lies, damned lies and statistics.
  • There are many ears in the cornfield.
  • There are no hopeless situations -- only people who are hopeless about them.
  • There are no passengers on spaceship Earth- we are all the crew.
  • There are no strangers in this world, just friends we've never met.
  • There are no substitutes for fresh air, sunshine and exercise.
  • There are plenty more fish in the sea.
  • There are some days I practice positive thinking.And other days I'm not positive, I am thinking.
  • There are three billion women who don't look like super models and ONLY eight who do.
  • There are three dimensions to credit cards, length, width and debt.
  • There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't.
  • There are three secrets to success: The first is "Keep your eyes and ears open." The second is "Don't tell everything you know.".
  • There are three sides to any story, my side, his side and the truth.
  • There are three things extremely hard; steel, a diamond and to know ones self.
  • There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself; hire someone; or forbid your kids to do it.
  • There are three ways to obtain wealth: inheritance, luck, and hard work. None is guaranteed, but you have no influence over the first two.
  • There are times when forgetting can be just as important as remembering- and even more difficult.
  • There are too many mediocre things to deal with.Love shouldn't be one of them.
  • There are too many people praying for mountains of difficulty to be removed, when what they really need is courage to climb them.
  • There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one works.
  • There are two types of pain in this life;that of discipline, which lasts a short while... and that of regret, which can last a life time.
  • There are two types of people in this world: those who leave a mark, and others who just leave a stain.
  • There are two ways to be contented: one is liking what you do, and the other is doing what you like.
  • There can be no rainbow without a cloud and a storm.
  • There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
  • There goes one tough top cop!
  • There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path!
  • There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
  • There is a pill for every ill, and a bill for every pill.
  • There is a technical meteorological term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It's called a "Monday.".
  • There is always something to be thankful for. If you can't pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
  • There is an "exception to every rule" - and most people think they are it.
  • There is harmony in disharmony.
  • There is more meat on a chicken's forehead!
  • There is no "I" in team, but there is a "ME".
  • There is no future in spending the present worrying about the past.
  • There is no future in time travel.
  • There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.
  • There is no such thing as government money, only taxpayer money.
  • There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle.
  • There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it with reluctance.
  • There is nothing wrong in having nothing to say, unless you insist on saying it.
  • There is nothing wrong with people possessing riches. The wrong comes when riches possess people.
  • There is only on thing more painful than learning from experience and that is not learning from experience.
  • There is only one real failure in life that is possible, and that is not to be true to the best we know.
  • There is so much bad in the best of us and so much good in the worst of us that it doesn't behoove any of us to talk about the rest of us.
  • There is some consolation in the fact that even if your dreams haven't come true- neither have your nightmares.
  • There is truth in humor, but not humor in truth.
  • There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.
  • There those thousand thinkers were thinking how did the other three thieves go through.
  • There those thousand thinkers were thinking where did those other three thieves go through.
  • There was a little witch which switched from Chichester to Ipswich.
  • There was a minimum of cinnamon in the aluminum pan.
  • There will be another one.
  • There will come a day when all the work is finished or when it is too late to finish it.
  • There's a sandwich on the sand which was sent by a sane witch.
  • There's more than one way to kill a cat than choking it with butter.
  • There's no I in team.
  • These thousand tricky tongue twisters trip thrillingly off the tongue
  • They are happiest who have power to gather wisdom from a flower.
  • They both, though, have thirty-three thick thimbles to thaw.
  • They have all sorts of new services today. Now they've got a dial-a-prayer service for atheists. You call a number and nobody answers.
  • They just ran out of brains by the time you got there, so they gave you a nice wood carving instead.
  • Thieves seize skis.
  • Thin sticks, thick bricks
  • Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.
  • Thirty-three thirsty, thundering thoroughbreds thumped Mr. Thurber .
  • This is a process of eliminating options.
  • This is a zither.
  • This is the sixth zebra snoozing thoroughly.
  • This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
  • This too, shall pass.
  • Those are the breaks ( dems da breaks).
  • Those we hurt the most are often those we love the most.
  • Those who admire the freedom of birds have never built a nest.
  • Those who are at war with others are seldom at peace with themselves.
  • Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
  • Those who do not plan for the future have to live through it anyway.
  • Those who drink to drown their sorrows should be taught that sorrows know how to swim.
  • Those who jump to conclusions often land in ignorance.
  • Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
  • Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
  • Those with the best advice usually offer no advice.
  • Thoughts lead to acts.Acts lead to habits.Habits lead to character.And our character will determine our eternal destiny.
  • Three blondes walked into a bar. You'd think that one of them would have seen it.
  • Three free throws.
  • Three reasons to be a teacher- June, July, and August.
  • Three short sword sheaths.
  • Three twigs twined tightly.
  • Tie twine to three tree twigs.
  • Tighter than Dick's hat band.
  • Tim, the thin twin tinsmith.
  • Tim, the thin twin tinsmith
  • Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: bananosecond.
  • Time heals nothing, it merely re-arranges our memory.
  • Time is a cure.
  • Time is a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
  • Time is like money: you can either spend, waste, or invest!
  • Time is of the essence.
  • Time is relative... The mind makes it slow, the heart makes it fast, our friends make it worth while, and words... make it timeless.
  • Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!
  • Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.
  • Time will tell.
  • Time wounds all heels.
  • To accomplish something, the first person you have to defeat is yourself.
  • To be or not to be... I think its a trick question.
  • To be or not to be.
  • To belittle is to be little.
  • To cool a hot attitude, apply nice. To melt a cold attitude, address warmly.
  • To do is to be -- Marx. Do be do be do -- Sinatra.
  • To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.
  • To err is human, to blame it on someone else is more human.
  • To every complex problem there is an easy answer; and it is wrong!
  • To find the person you can truly trust, look no further than the nearest mirror.
  • To forgive calls upon our love-- to forget calls upon our strength.
  • To get profit without risk, experience without danger, and reward without work is as impossible as it is to live without being born.
  • To hate a person is a waste; half the people you hate don't care, and the other half don't know.
  • To have truck to truck two trucks of truck.
  • To let a fool kiss you is stupid.To let a kiss fool you is worse.
  • To light a candle is to cast a shadow.
  • To live your life to the fullest, you've got to be a master of economics...after all, time's demand is always far exceeding it's supply.
  • To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart, and to sing it to them when they have forgotten.
  • To love and win is the best thing; to love and lose, the next best.
  • To love for the sake of being loved is human; to love for the sake of loving is angelic.
  • To love is to risk getting hurt. Not to risk loving is the greatest risk of all.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research
  • To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.
  • To think too long about doing a thing, often becomes its undoing.
  • To truly hear you must quiet the mind.
  • Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
  • Today's beautiful moments are tomorrow's beautiful memories.
  • Tom threw Tim three thumbtacks.
  • Tommy Tucker tried to tie Tammy's Turtles tie.
  • Tommy, Tommy, toiling in a tailor's shop.
  • Tomorrow is another day.
  • Too many Christians are no longer fishers of men but keepers of the aquarium.
  • Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
  • Too much Sanity is madness, but the madest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be.
  • Top chopstick shops stock top chopsticks.
  • Tough times gets you real friends and others get you tough times.
  • Tragedy strategy.
  • Traveler there is no trail you blaze the trail as you travel.
  • Treat anger like gold. Spend it wisely or not at all.
  • Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you, not because they are nice, but because you are.
  • Treat people as if they were what they should be, and you help them become what they are capable of becoming.
  • Treat people like angels; you will meet some and help make some.
  • Treat your friends as you do your pictures, place them in their best light.
  • Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
  • Triumph is "umph" added to try.
  • Trouble is a part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough.
  • True friends are like diamonds, precious and rare. False friends are like autumn leaves, scattered everywhere.
  • True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.
  • True happiness may be sought, thought, or caught -- but never bought.
  • True love can not be found where it does not truly exist, nor can it be hidden where it does.
  • True love is not based on what you have, but it is based on who you really are.
  • True power is when what you say is only the tip of the iceberg of what you really know.
  • Truly rural.
  • Trust but verify.
  • Trust is like money; you spend it, you save it, you lend it, and sometimes you get robbed.
  • Truth is nothing but a feeling that something is true.
  • Truth is relative.
  • Truth is the most powerful force on earth because it cannot be changed.
  • Try fat flat flounders.
  • Trying to squash a rumour is like trying to unring a bell.
  • Turn it around the horn (baseball cliche.
  • Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.
  • Twelve standard stainless steel twin screw cruisers.
  • Twelve twins twirled twelve twigs.
  • Twice we tripped toys.
  • Two Truckee truckers truculently truckling
  • Two brothers were discussing Adam and Eve. The 8-year-old asked: "How did Adam and Eve die?"And the 4-year-old said: "They ate bad fruit.".
  • Two kinds of people: Those who finish what they start and ...
  • Two men looked out of prison bars. One saw mud and the other saw stars.
  • Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
  • Two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know.
  • Two things are sure in life: There is a God, and you are not him.
  • Two tiny tigers take two taxis to town.
  • Two to two to Toulouse?
  • Two toads, totally tired.
  • Two tried and true tridents
  • Two ways to do it. The wrong way and my way.
  • Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
  • Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
  • Two's a company, three's a crowd.
  • Ulcers are caused not so much by what we eat as what's eating us.
  • Ulcers are something you get from mountain climbing over molehills.
  • Under the mother otter, muttered the other otter.
  • Unique New York.
  • Unwept, unhonored and unsung.
  • Up the river.
  • Use what talents you possess; The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.
  • Useless as a piss hole in the snow.
  • Useless as a screen door on a submarine.
  • Vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer.
  • Valuable valley villas.
  • Value added or add value.
  • Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came. I Saw. I Did a Little Shopping.
  • Very well, very well, very well ...
  • Victory begins with the name of Jesus on our lips, but it will not be consummated until the nature of Jesus is in our hearts.
  • Vincent vowed vengeance very vehemently.
  • Vision is not seeing things as they are, but as they will be.
  • Vision that looks inward becomes duty. Vision that looks outward becomes aspiration. Vision that looks upward becomes faith.
  • Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
  • Wacky tobaccy (marijauna).
  • Waiter, there's a hair in my soup.
  • Waiting always lasts long.
  • Walk the words you talk and talk the words you walk.
  • Wally Winkle wriggles his white, wrinkled wig.
  • War never decides who is right, only who is left.
  • Was the saw I saw saw in Arkansas.
  • Wash Washington's windows with warm washing water.
  • Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses.
  • We all get heavier as we get older because there is a lot more information in our heads.
  • We are in danger of forgetting that we cannot do what God does, and that God will not do what we can do.
  • We are, each of us, angels with only one wing, and we can only fly embracing each other.
  • We blame fate for other accidents, but we feel personally responsible when we make a hole in one.
  • We can admire what we see, but we can only love what we truly know.
  • We can learn much from wise words, little from wisecracks, and less from wise guys.
  • We can't control the wind, but we have the power to adjust the sails.
  • We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
  • We could accomplish a lot more if we'd get rid of our ifs and and's; and get off our butts.
  • We could all take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  • We crucify ourselves between two thieves- regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.
  • We don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
  • We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.
  • We don't want a thing because we have found a reason for it- we find a reason for it because we want it.
  • We have (there are?) bigger fish to fry.
  • We have not inherited the earth from our ancestors, we have only borrowed it from our children.
  • We have stopped being fishers of men and we are now the keepers of the aquarium.
  • We have to take one game at a time.
  • We judge others by their actions; we judge ourselves by our intentions.
  • We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
  • We may not be what we want to be, but thank God we are not what we used to be.
  • We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.
  • We need a level playing field.
  • We never know the worth of water till the well is dry.
  • We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
  • We occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of us pick ourselves up and hurry on as if nothing happened.
  • We often fear being rejected so very much that we reject ourselves first before anyone else has the chance.
  • We often see further through a tear, than through a telescope.
  • We only grow when we step outside our comfort zone.
  • We see things not as they are, but as we are.
  • We shouldn't deny the pain of what happens in our lives. We should just refuse to focus only on the valleys.
  • We spent our whole youth to obtain wealth and our whole wealth to obtain youth.
  • We surely shall see the sun shine soon.
  • We treat this world of ours as though we had a spare in the trunk.
  • We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.
  • We're all here 'cause we're not all there.
  • We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
  • We're going backwards and forwards,backwards and forwards and ain't getting no eggs, nohow.
  • We're not playing for sheep.
  • We're real rear wheels.
  • We've got to give 110%.
  • Wealth buys leisure, but not wisdom.
  • Weed (marijauna).
  • Weed (marijauna.
  • Well they can't carry berries
  • Well, I'll be John Brown! (southern cliche).
  • Well, that beats a jab in the eye with a sharp stick.
  • Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
  • Well, you probably said it without thinking, the way you do most things.
  • Wetter weather never weathered wetter weather better.
  • Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am!
  • What I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.
  • What a dog I got. His favourite bone is in my arm!
  • What a shame such a shapely sash should such shabby stitches show.
  • What ails Alex? asks Alice.
  • What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
  • What are you going to do for a face when the monkey wants his bum back?
  • What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios? "OH LOOK!!! Donut seeds."
  • What do Windows and a handgun have in common?Both are harmless while not loaded.
  • What do people in China call their good quality plates?
  • What do you call 9 blondes in a circle? A dope ring.
  • What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant with twins.
  • What do you call male ballerinas?
  • What do you mean overdrawn, I still have checks.
  • What does that have to do with the price of eggs?
  • What flowers grow between your nose and your chin? .... Tulips.
  • What goes around comes around.
  • What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
  • What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
  • What is right is often forgotten by what is convenient.
  • What is sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander.
  • What is the difference between a Peeping Tom and someone who's just got out of the bath?One is rude and nosy, and the other's nude and rosy.
  • What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.
  • What is this, a tea party?
  • What passes as a woman's intuition, is usually nothing more than a mans transparency.
  • What really matters is what happens in us- not to us.
  • What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.
  • What some people mistake for the high cost of living, is really the cost of living high.
  • What sunshine is to flowers...smiles are to humanity.
  • What the caterpillar calls the end, the butterfly calls the beginning.
  • What time does the wristwatch strap shop shut?
  • What veteran ventriloquist whistles.
  • What we see is mainly what we look for.
  • What you are is God's gift to you, what you become is your gift to God.
  • What you do when you don't have to do it will determine what you are when it's too late to do anything about it!
  • What's new?
  • What's that got to do with the price of rice in China?
  • What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4 way stop.
  • What's the score?
  • Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  • Whatever you do, or dream, begin it now.. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.
  • When God allows a burden to be put upon you, He will put His arms underneath you to help you carry it.
  • When God closes a door He opens a window.
  • When God takes measure of a man.I've often heard it said.He always measures 'round the heart.But never 'round the head.
  • When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did--in his sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his car.
  • When I pray, coincidences happen, and when I don't pray, they don't.
  • When I was young I WALKED to school,... uphill,.... both ways.
  • When I'm right no-one remembers, when I'm wrong no-one forgets.
  • When Washington's washer woman went west?
  • When a boat goes aground, mother nature has spoken.
  • When a man gets up to speak, people listen, then look. When a woman gets up, people look; then, if they like what they see, they listen.
  • When a person wants to believe something, it doesn't take much to convince them.
  • When all else fails, read the instructions.
  • When all else fails....have another beer.
  • When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first place.
  • When an old man dies, a library burns down.
  • When asked by his Boss why he only worked 4 days a week the enployee replied because I can't manage on 3 days a week.
  • When asking a question of someone your not sure of, only ask if you know half the answer.
  • When confronted with a Goliath-sized problem, which way do you respond: "He's too big to hit" or like David, "He's to big to miss"?
  • When dogs leap onto your bed, it's because they adore being with you. When cats leap onto your bed, it's because they adore your bed.
  • When fear knocks at the door, and you answer, there will be no one there.
  • When god said brain he thought he said train, and took the next one out.
  • When in Rome, do as the Romans do.
  • When in doubt, consult your inner child if it doesn't come naturally, leave it.
  • When it rains, it pours.
  • When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.
  • When no one is watching, live as if someone is.
  • When satan reminds you of your past, remind him of his future.
  • When signing a contract, it helps to remember "the big-type gives, and the small-type takes away".
  • When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
  • When someone says, "do you want my opinion"?- it's always a negative one.
  • When something terrible happens people wake up
  • When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
  • When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
  • When the cat's away, the mice will play.
  • When the devil starts messing, God starts blessing.
  • When the fertiliser hits the windmall (i.e., when the shit hits the fan).
  • When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
  • When the going gets tough-The tough go fishing!
  • When the going still gets tough, the tough, pray.
  • When the rubber hits the road... (meaning: when it comes down to it).
  • When the work is done, I will have time for myself.
  • When there's a will, there's a way..when there's a won't, there isn't.
  • When there's nothing on TV, most people will watch it anyway.
  • When they were giving out brains, you thought they said canes, and you said "I won't need one of those"
  • When they were giving out brains, you thought they said grains, and you said "Make mine oatmeal"
  • When they were giving out faces, you thought they said cases, and you said "I'd like one made of leather"
  • When they were giving out heads, you thought they said beds, and you said "I'd like something soft"
  • When they were giving out heads, you thought they said breads, and you said "I'd like mine nice and doughy"
  • When they were giving out heads, you thought they said sheds, and you said "I'd like a nice big wooden one"
  • When they were giving out looks, you thought they said books, and you said "Give me something funny"
  • When they were giving out noses, you thought they said hoses, and you said "I don't mind if mine drips a little bit"
  • When they were giving out noses, you thought they said roses, and you said "Give me a big red one"
  • When they were handing out brains you arrived too late, all you got was a rain check.
  • When they were handing out brains, you were the first in the queue, and held the door open for the rest of us.
  • When this van's a-rockin, don't come a-knockin.
  • When we die we leave behind us all that we have and take with us all that we are.
  • When we learn all the answers, they change the questions.
  • When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One represents danger, and the other represents opportunity.
  • When you ASSUME, it makes an ASS out of U and ME.
  • When you aim for perfection you discover it is a moving target.
  • When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing.
  • When you are standing on the edge of a cliff a step forward is not progress.
  • When you can't trace God's hand, trust His heart.
  • When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
  • When you forgive it takes you from the place of the victim to that of a victor.
  • When you hear a kind word spoken about a friend, tell her so.
  • When you lie with dogs you get fleas.
  • When you play with fire, you're gonna get burned.
  • When you put somebody down, you have to be down there to hold him down. You could soar high otherwise.
  • When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write. ...
  • When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
  • When your on your death bed you'd give anything for one more tick of the clock.
  • When your outgo exceeds your income your upkeep will be your downfall.
  • Where God guides, He provides.
  • Where will you be sitting in eternity--smoking or non-smoking?
  • Where you're going is more important than where you stand.
  • Where's the beef?
  • Wherever you are - be all there.
  • Which Eternity do you prefer? Smoking or Non-Smoking.
  • Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
  • Which rich wicked witch wished the wicked wish?
  • Which witch watched which watch?
  • Which witch wished which wicked wish?
  • Which wristwatch is a Swiss wristwatch?
  • While men talk of killing time, slowly time kills men.
  • While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.
  • While we were walking, we were watching window washers wash Washington's Windows with warm washing water.
  • While we were walking, we were watching window washers
  • Who cares about reasoning anyway.
  • Who died and made you boss?
  • Who gossips to you will gossip of you.
  • Who got it, did get it; and who left it, did regret it.
  • Who is the boss around here anyway?
  • Who me? I just wander from room to room.
  • Who opened the cattleguard?
  • Who says nothing is impossible, I have been doing nothing for years.
  • Who travels for love finds a thousand miles not longer than one.
  • Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?
  • Who washed Washington's white woolen underwear
  • Who's to say what's right or wrong?
  • Whoever acquires knowledge and does not practice it resembles him who ploughs his land and leaves it unsown.
  • Whoever follows a crowd will never be followed by a crowd.
  • Whoever slit the sheets is a good sheet slitter.
  • Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
  • Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers?
  • Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
  • Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free ?
  • Why can't I tie a tie and untie a tie like Kantie can.
  • Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't figure out how to fit the bottle in the typewriter.
  • Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to re-train.
  • Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
  • Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
  • Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
  • Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? "Toe goes in first".
  • Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
  • Why do people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older ... they were cramming for their finals!
  • Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
  • Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these people?
  • Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
  • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?
  • Why does Wendy's have square hamburgers?
  • Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
  • Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?
  • Why does the word "Filipino" start with the letter F?
  • Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
  • Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  • Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
  • Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
  • Why is a blonde like a bowling ball? You finger her three times, you shag her down an alley and she always comes back for more.
  • Why is a blonde like a mosquito? She starts sucking, you keep slapping her away and she comes back for more.
  • Why is a blonde like a tv? A child can turn her on.
  • Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
  • Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic?
  • Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
  • Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  • Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
  • Why may we melee, when we may waylay?
  • Why me? Why is it always me?
  • Wild horses couldn't keep me away.
  • Will it be cash or charge?
  • Will you, William?
  • Willie's really weary.
  • Win one for the Gipper.
  • Win some, lose some.
  • Win with humility; lose with grace.
  • Winning isn't every thing, it's the only thing.
  • Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
  • Winning isn't the only thing, it's everything.
  • Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
  • Wisdom has two parts: 1) Having a lot to say. 2) Not saying it.
  • Wisdom is a comb given to a man once he is bald.
  • Wisdom is not truth.
  • Wisdom whispers - foolishness shouts.
  • Wish in one hand, crap in the other, and you'll never be empty-handed.
  • Wishing things away is not effective
  • With money I can buy things; with thinking I can understand things.
  • With perseverance you can discover any truth
  • With prayer as with other gifts from God, it is not what you get that counts, it's what you do with it.
  • With wealth you can live in comfort.With drive you can make a comfortable living.With peace of mind, you can be comfortable in living.
  • Without risk there is no opportunity for gain.
  • Wives often object to life insurance, widows never do.
  • Women's faults are many, men have just two! Everything they say and everything they do!!!
  • Women: can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.
  • Women: can't live with them, can't kill them.
  • Women: can't live with them, can't live without them.
  • Women: can't live with them, pass the beer nuts.
  • Working for Alyeska is smoking a joint, the more you suck the higher you get.
  • Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you many never owe.
  • Worry is the darkroom in which 'negatives' are developed.
  • Worry pulls tomorrow's cloud over today's sunshine.
  • Worrying can help you prepare
  • Wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers!
  • Wow, race winners really want red wine right away!
  • Write injuries in the sand, kindnesses in marble.
  • X-Mas wrecks perplex and vex.
  • X-ray checks clear chests.
  • Yada, yada, yada.
  • Yanking yellow yo-yos.
  • Yellow leather, yellow feather, yellow lemon.
  • Yellow lorry, blue lorry.
  • Yesterday is a cancelled cheque. Tomorrow is a promised note. Today is ready cash, use it!
  • Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.
  • You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
  • You always find something in the last place you look.
  • You and who's army?
  • You are getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
  • You are getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
  • You are richer today if you have laughed, given or forgiven.
  • You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
  • You are young only once, but you can be immature all your life.
  • You bet!
  • You better think about the future, for it's where you will spend the rest of your life.
  • You can blow out a candle, but you can't blow out a fire, once the flame begins to catch, the wind will blow it higher.
  • You can bomb the world into pieces, you can't bomb te world into peace.....
  • You can choose your friends and you can chose your enemies, but you can't chose family!
  • You can decide your own life, dont worry about others.
  • You can dress up a pig, but it'll still be a pig.
  • You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
  • You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
  • You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
  • You can never understand the true value of something until you don't have it anymore.
  • You can outdistance that which is running after you but not what is running inside you.
  • You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips.
  • You can put glitter on shit but it still stinks!!
  • You can send a message around the world in 1/7 of a second; yet it may take several years to move a simple idea through a 1/4 inch of human skull.
  • You can survive on charm for about 5 minutes...after that, you'd better know something!
  • You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
  • You can turn dollars into cents, and sense into dollars, though not dollars into sense.
  • You can win more friends with your ears than you can with your mouth!
  • You can't be lonely if you like the person you're alone with.
  • You can't build character & courage by taking away men's initiative & independence.
  • You can't do anything, if you believe you can't.
  • You can't expect people to be something they're not
  • You can't fool others if you're fooling yourself
  • You can't get there from here.
  • You can't get to the top by sitting on your bottom.
  • You can't help the poor man by destroying the rich.
  • You can't legislate morality.
  • You can't prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but can prevent them from building their nest on it.
  • You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
  • You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
  • You can't test courage cautiously.
  • You can't train a horse with shouts, and expect it to obey a whisper.
  • You can't win 'em all.
  • You could better start giving me mouth to mouth, because you just took my breath away!
  • You could not warm up to him if you were cremated together.
  • You cound'nt pull a pint, never mind a bird.
  • You did touch me but didn't feel my pain. Jesus came and touched me and I don't feel the pain any more.
  • You didn't get a brain that day either. They were only handing them out to people who would use them
  • You don't become a missionary by crossing the sea but by seeing the cross.
  • You don't get old, you just become a classic.
  • You don't have to blow out anothers candle to make yours shine bright.
  • You don't have to say anything. You offend me just by being in the area.
  • You don't know what's what until you support yourself
  • You don't look at a picture of a Chevy when you drive a Cadillac.
  • You don't marry someone you can live with; you marry the person with whom you cannot live without.
  • You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.
  • You either have to be first, best, or different.
  • You get nothing for free.
  • You got your brain first when they were handing them out in alphabetical order, A for "Aardvark"
  • You got your brain very early. Apparently the warranty has run out.
  • You have to protect the privacy of the advice you get, or you'll never get the advice you need.
  • You know it's love when you can't fall asleep because reality is better than dreams.
  • You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because your all the same.
  • You look familiar too, but that's not surprising, I collect bugs for a hobby.
  • You look familiar too, have I ever seen you hanging by the tail from the tree in my garden ?
  • You look familiar, did I see you in the zoo parade ?
  • You look like somebody shot at and missed, shit at and hit.
  • You made your bed, now sleep in it.
  • You may be born with a silver spoon in your mouth, but you need gold-hearted people to make your life more tasty.
  • You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.
  • You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.
  • You may not be able to turn back the clock; but you can always wind it up again.
  • You may only be one person in the world, but to one person you may be the world.
  • You may pass violets looking for roses and contentment looking for victory.
  • You must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all day!
  • You must have long range goals to keep you from being frustrated by short range failures.
  • You never know where to look when eating a banana.
  • You never lose by loving, you only lose by holding back.
  • You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view.
  • You only have one chance to make a first impression.
  • You only live once; but if you do it right, once is enough.
  • You owe the world not the other way around
  • You satisfy the hungry heart with gift of finest wheat. Now give to us, O saving Lord, the bread of life to eat.
  • You should not confuse your career with your life.
  • You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
  • You throw a perfectly straight line at the audience and then, right at the end, you curve it. Good jokes do that.
  • You were one of the first to get a brain, before they were perfected.
  • You will come across hope and despair in almost every situation. Only one of them wins each time.
  • You will never "win" an argument concerning religion.
  • You will never be promoted until you become over-qualified for your present position.
  • You would be late for your own funeral.
  • You wouldn't care what people thought of you if you realised how seldom they do.
  • You! - OFF my cloud!
  • You! - OFF my planet!
  • You! - OUT of my dream!
  • You! - OUT of my fantasy!
  • You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
  • You're in middle age when you realize you have more on your mind and less on your head.
  • You're not just whistling Dixie!
  • You're young, you'll get over it.
  • You've reached middle age when the phone rings on Saturday night, you pray it isn't for you.
  • Your actions speak so loud that I can't hear what you're saying.
  • Your attitude is the librarian of your past, the speaker of your present, and the prophet of your future!
  • Your barn door is open.
  • Your brain is that bodily organ which starts working the moment you awake and does not stop until you get into the office.
  • Your child has started growing up when he stops asking you where he came from and starts refusing to tell you where he's going.
  • Your children know you love them by your presence, not your presents.
  • Your desk looks like an explosion in a paper factory.
  • Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going.
  • Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.
  • Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
  • Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails.
  • Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut.
  • Your face is very becoming. I'm becoming more and more ugly every time I see it.
  • Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop.
  • Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo.
  • Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.
  • Your morality can keep you out of jail, but only the Blood of Jesus Christ, can keep you of hell!
  • Your mother was a thief - she stole the stars in heaven and put 'em into your eyes...
  • Your neighbour is the man who needs you.
  • Your problem is never really your problem, your reaction to your problem is your problem.
  • Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
  • Your smile lights up a room like a candle in the dark. I can still hear the song of your laughter.
  • Your temper is the only thing you can lose and still have.
  • Your thoughts can cause you to be rich or poor, loved or unloved, happy or unhappy, attractive or unattractive, powerful or weak.
  • Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment.
  • Youth is when we are always hunting greener pastures, and middle age is when we can barely mow the one we've got.
  • Youth wastes away, but immaturity can last a lifetime.
  • Zero is sometimes better than nothing.
  • Zithers slither slowly south.
  • Zizzi's zippy zipper zips.

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