Technology Quotes

  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (A)nything but Windows?
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (D)os?
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)aggiddaboudit
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a coffee?
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et under bed?
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (L)inux?
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (M)ac?
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)ull hair?
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (R)un away?
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (U)nix?
  • (Logicians do it) or [not (logicians do it)].
  • ------ If you cut here, you'll probably destroy your monitor ------
  • .vbs = Virus Bearing Script?
  • 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.
  • 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
  • 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
  • 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
  • 486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
  • 640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates
  • 640K ought to be enough for anybody. - This is not humorous by itself; but in the context it's a classic by Bill Gates in 1981
  • A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?
  • A Linux machine! because a 486 is a terrible thing to waste!
  • A Microsoft spokesperson said, "while fighting software piracy is good for our business, highway robbery is our business."
  • A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting.
  • A beowulf cluster of Cisco routers? Isn't that the Internet?
  • A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
  • A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.
  • A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
  • A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
  • A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila
  • A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
  • A computer program will always do what you tell it to, and seldom what you want it to.
  • A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
  • A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.
  • A friend called me up the other day and talked about investing in a dot-com that sells lobsters. Internet lobsters. Where will this end?
  • A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
  • A mask of gold hides all deformities. - Thomas Dekker
  • A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.
  • A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
  • A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
  • A program is never finished until the programmer dies.
  • A satellite has no conscience. - Edward R. Murrow
  • A science is any discipline in which the fool of this generation can go beyond the point reached by the genius of the last generation.
  • A tragedy of mathematics is a beautiful conjecture ruined by an ugly fact.
  • A truly stable environment would be a concrete basement with no windows! Computers are no different. (Carey McLelland)
  • A user friendly computer first requires a friendly user.
  • A user will find any interface design intuitive...with enough practice.
  • ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.
  • AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
  • ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
  • ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
  • Accept risk. Accept responsibility. Put a lawyer out of business.
  • Access denied - nah nah na nah nah! C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
  • According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
  • Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
  • Aerodynamicists do it in drag.
  • After Perl everything else is just assembly language.
  • Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows!
  • Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
  • Algebraists do it by symbolic manipulation.
  • Algebraists do it in a ring, in fields, in groups.
  • All computers wait at the same speed.
  • All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors. - Anonymous
  • All science is either physics or stamp collecting. -E. Rutherford. - E. Rutherford
  • All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
  • All you need to know is the user interface.
  • Always program as if the person who will be maintaining your program is a violent psychopath that knows where you live. --Martin Golding
  • Always the more beautiful answer who asks the more beautiful question. - Ee Cummings
  • An error is the more dangerous the more truth it contains. - Henri-frederic
  • An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
  • An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field. - General Omar Bradley
  • An idea is the only level which moves the world. - Arthur F. Corey
  • Analysts do it continuously and smoothly.
  • Another name for a Windows tutorial is crash course!
  • Any minimum criteria set will be the maximum value used.
  • Any producing entity is the last to use its own product.
  • Any program that runs right is obsolete.
  • Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.
  • Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
  • Any smoothly functioning technology is indistinguishable from a "rigged" demo.
  • Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
  • Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday.
  • Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
  • Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate additional assumptions.
  • Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
  • Any time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.
  • Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center.
  • Anyone who attempts to generate random numbers by deterministic means is, of course, living in a state of sin. - John Von Neumann
  • Applied mathematicians do it by computer simulation.
  • Are you tired of being a crash test dummy for Microsoft? Discover Linux.
  • Art and science have their meeting point in method. - Paul Dirac
  • Artificial Intelligence: The art of making real computers act like the ones in movies.
  • As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
  • As crude a weapon as a cave man's club, the chemical barrage has been hurled against the fabric of life. - Rachel Carson
  • As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
  • As the births of living creatures, at first, are ill-shapen: so are all Innovations, which are the births of time. - Francis Bacon
  • Astronauts do it above the atmosphere.
  • Astronomers do it all night.
  • Astronomers do it cosmologically.
  • Astronomers do it ellyptically.
  • Astronomers do it hyperbolically.
  • Astronomers do it in X-ways.
  • Astronomers do it in clusters.
  • Astronomers do it in nebulae.
  • Astronomers do it in the dark.
  • Astronomers do it in voids.
  • Astronomers do it meteorically.
  • Astronomers do it on mountain tops.
  • Astronomers do it orbitally.
  • Astronomers do it parabolically.
  • Astronomers do it spectroscopically.
  • Astronomers do it telescopically.
  • Astronomers do it under the stars.
  • Astronomers do it universally.
  • Astronomers do it variably.
  • Astronomers do it while gazing at Uranus.
  • Astronomers do it with Uranus.
  • Astronomers do it with lenses.
  • Astronomers do it with long tubes.
  • Astronomers do it with mirrors.
  • Astronomers do it with sextants.
  • Astronomers do it with stars.
  • Astronomers do it with young stars.
  • At Microsoft, quality is job 1.1 - Use Linux!
  • BOB DOLE VIRUS: Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to be much of a threat.
  • BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
  • BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
  • Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
  • Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
  • Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
  • Bad Command or File Name. Good try, though.
  • Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay...
  • Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat [Y/N]?
  • Banach spacers do it completely.
  • Basic research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. - John Von Neuman
  • Bayesians do it with improper priors.
  • Be aware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
  • Be nice to geeks when you're in school, you might end-up working for one when you grow-up.
  • Before we work on artificial intelligence why don't we do something about natural stupidity? - Steve Polyak
  • Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
  • Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."
  • Better to be a geek than an idiot.
  • Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
  • Bill Gates did not realize was that his daughter would grow up to be a rebel and would never use anything but Linux for her whole life.
  • Bleeding Edge: The time between buying your new computer and unpacking it at home.
  • Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature.
  • Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
  • Buy a Pentium 586/200 so you can reboot faster.
  • Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
  • By golly, I'm beginning to think Linux really *is* the best thing since sliced bread.
  • C code. C code run. Run, code, run! PLEASE!
  • C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
  • C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
  • C:\WINDOWS\RUN C:\WINDOWS\CRASH C:\ME\FDISK /usr/src/linux
  • COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.
  • COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
  • COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
  • COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes its presence known, but doesn't do anything. Secretly, you wish it would.
  • CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
  • Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
  • Cannot load Windows 95, Incorrect DOS Version.
  • Carpe Daemon - Seize the background process!
  • Catastrophe theorists do it falling off part of a sheet.
  • Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. - Graham Greene
  • Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations which we can perform without thinking of them. - Alfred North Whitehead
  • Coding styles are like assholes, everyone has one and no one likes anyone elses. --Eric Warmenhoven
  • Combinatorists do it as many ways as they can.
  • Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of everyone asking where the "Any" key is.
  • Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
  • Complex analysts do it between the sheets
  • Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
  • Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."
  • Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.
  • Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows.
  • Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
  • Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.
  • Computer scientists do it depth-first.
  • Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without them.
  • Computers are like air conditioners - they stop working properly if you open WINDOWS
  • Computers are like air-conditioners: both stop working, if you open windows.
  • Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
  • Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
  • Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. - Pablo Picasso
  • Computers can never replace human stupidity.
  • Computers follow your orders, not your intentions.
  • Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. - Andy Rooney
  • Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
  • Cosmologists do it in the first three minutes.
  • Crashing is the only thing windows does quickly.
  • Crashing is violent; that's why there are more violent games for Windows - and they'll always work.
  • Cutting Edge: The time between buying your new computer and unpacking it at home.
  • DAN QUAYLE VIRUS (#2): Their is sumthing rong with your komputer, but ewe t!
  • DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
  • DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
  • DOS Tip: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
  • DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something!
  • Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
  • Decision theorists do it optimally.
  • Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures. - Evan Esar
  • Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail.
  • Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.
  • Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought. - Albert Gyorgyi
  • Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
  • Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
  • Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
  • Do you remember when you only had to pay for windows when *you* broke them? (Noel Maddy)
  • Does fuzzy logic tickle?
  • Does the information superhighway have any rest stops?
  • Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your own.
  • Don't document the program; program the document.
  • Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
  • Don't let the computer bugs bite!
  • Double your disk space - delete Windows! (Albert Dorofeev)
  • E Pluribus Modem
  • E-mail returned to sender - insufficient voltage.
  • Each problem that I solved became a rule, which served afterwards to solve other problems. - Rene Descartes
  • Each year, it seems, larger and more daunting mountains of text rise from the lush lowlands of visual reproduction. - Calvin Tomkins
  • Email returned to sender - insufficient voltage.
  • Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
  • Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
  • Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
  • Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
  • Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
  • Error: Problem exists between keyboard and chair.
  • Error:015: Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.
  • Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
  • Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...
  • Every bug you find is the last one.
  • Every great advance in science has issued from a new audacity of imagination. - John Dewey
  • Every great advance in science has issued from a new audacity of imagination. - The Quest for Certainty. - John Dewey
  • Every new idea is an impossibility until it is born. - Ron Brown
  • Every program expands until it can send mail. ...Except Exchange.
  • Every time I think that perhaps we are an advanced race, I turn around and read ramblings on Slashdot, and realize I was wrong.
  • Every time I type 'win', I loose ...
  • Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense. - Gertrude Stein
  • Everything that can be invented has been invented. - Charles H. Duell
  • Everything that can be invented, has been invented. - 1899. - Charles H. Duell
  • Evolution is God's way of issuing upgrades.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the square root of negative one.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: Isaac Newton's birthday.
  • Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
  • FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
  • Facts are the air of scientists. Without them you can never fly. - Linus Pauling
  • Failure is not an option - it comes bundled with Windows.
  • Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with the software.
  • Fatal Error: Found MS-Windows System -> Repartitioning Disk for Linux...
  • File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
  • Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
  • For NASA, space is still a high priority. - Dan Quayle
  • For any problem there is a solution that is simple, quick, and ultimately worse than the problem.
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
  • For more than 4 generations the IT Professionals were the guardians of quality and stability in software. Before Microsoft...
  • Form follows function. - "Lippincott's Magazine", March, 1896. - Louis Henri Sullivan
  • Free Software: the Software by the People, of the People and for the People. Develop! Share! Enhance! and Enjoy! (Andy Tai)
  • Free your software, and your ass will follow
  • From now on we live in a world where man has walked on the Moon. It's not a miracle; we just decided to go. - Tom Hanks
  • Functional analysts do it with compact support.
  • G3 - Apple's new Macs that make you say "Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago."
  • GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic ware says everything is fine.
  • GUI - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced "gooey")
  • Galois theorists do it in a field.
  • Game theorists do it by dominance or saddle points.
  • Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves.
  • Geek's favorite pickup line: Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?
  • Geeks aren't interested in politics because government doesn't double its efficiency and speed once every 18 months.
  • Geometers do it with involutions.
  • Geometres do it symmetrically.
  • Get it up, keep it up... LINUX: Viagra for the PC. (Chris Abbey)
  • Get your ideas on paper and study them. Do not let them go to waste! - Les Brown
  • Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant. - Mitchell Kapor
  • Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world. - Archimedes
  • Given enough time and money, eventually Microsoft will re-invent UNIX.
  • Going from DOS to Linux is like trading a glider for an F117.
  • Got Linux?
  • Got Unix?
  • Graph theorists do it in four colours.
  • HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
  • HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS: Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later, in another directory.
  • Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can be traced back to you.
  • Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out of the window, except that the birds might eat them. - Martin Henry Fischer
  • Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.
  • Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
  • Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked. - Jeff Pesis
  • Have you ever noticed that at trade shows Microsoft is always the one giving away stress balls?
  • He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
  • Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
  • Hi, my name is Any Key. Please don't hit me!
  • Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
  • Hilbert spacers do it orthogonally.
  • Hiroshima..45........Tjernobil..86........Windows..95....
  • Hit any user to continue.
  • Home is where the computer is plugged in.
  • How about some patent on "(a+b)2 == a2+2ab+b2" ... choose free software!
  • How an engineer writes a program: Start by debugging an empty file...
  • How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Bill Gates will just redefine "Darkness(TM)" as the new standard.
  • How many software testers does it take to change a light bulb? None. We just notice the room is dark. We don't actually fix the problems.
  • Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons. - R. Buckminster Fuller
  • I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
  • I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians. - Alexander The Great
  • I assert that the cosmic religious experience is the strongest and the noblest driving force behind scientific research. - Albert Einstein
  • I believe in general in a dualism between facts and the ideas of those facts in human heads. - George Santayana
  • I believe that the science of chemistry alone almost proves the existence of an intelligent creator. - Thomas Alva Edison
  • I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. - Isaac Asimov
  • I finally made my stupid computer faster; I dropped it out of the window, and it went really fast.
  • I find out what the world needs, then I proceed to invent. - Thomas Alva Edison
  • I find sitting at a specially equipped desk in front of some pretty ugly plastics and staring at a little window is a very unnatural event.
  • I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
  • I had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: 'Outlook not so good'. I said: 'Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway'.
  • I have a dream: 1073741824 bytes free.
  • I have a spelling checkerI've run this poem threw it,I'm sure your pleased too no,My checker tolled me sew. - Janet Minor
  • I have a spelling checkerIt came with my PC;I've run this poem threw it,Its letter perfect in it's weigh. - Janet Minor
  • I have a spelling checkerIt came with my PC;It plainly marks four my revueMistakes I cannot sea. - Janet Minor
  • I have offended God and mankind because my work didn't reach the quality it should have. - Leonardo Da Vinci
  • I have replaced NT with Linux. Linux - heir of the byte that dogged me. (Allan Willis)
  • I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.
  • I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
  • I never did anything worth doing entirely by accident and none of my inventions came about totally by accident. - Thomas Alva Edison
  • I never perfected an invention that I did not think about in terms of the service it might give others. - Thomas Alva Edison
  • I never pick up an item without thinking of how I might improve it. - Thomas Alva Edison
  • I prefer an OS made by programmers that need marketing that an OS made by marketing that need programmers... Use linux (Christian Olivier)
  • I think complexity is mostly sort of crummy stuff that is there because it's too expensive to change the interface. - Jaron Lanier
  • I took the Pepsi challenge and chose Linux. (Carey McLelland)
  • I used to think that cyberspace was fifty years away. It was already here. I just wasn't aware of it yet. - Bruce Sterling
  • I used to think that cyberspace was fifty years away. What I thought was fifty years away, was only ten years away. - Bruce Sterling
  • I want to save and advance human life, not destroy it. I am proud of the fact that I never invented weapons to kill. - Thomas Alva Edison
  • I will never trust someone called GATES that sells WINDOWS. (Federico Roman)
  • I wish life has a scroll back buffer.
  • I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code
  • I'm a geek with a journalism degree. I suppose that makes me overqualified for a job with ZDNet. Darn.
  • I'm not a programmer, but I play one at Microsoft.
  • I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly
  • I'm not in favor of senseless Micro$oft bashing. I'm in favor of bashing Micro$oft senseless.
  • I'm still waiting for the "Honk if you hate Microsoft" [bumper sticker], but that might get annoying, everyone honking at you.
  • I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
  • INNOVATION is the process of turning ideas into manufacturable and marketable form. - Watts Humprey
  • Ideas are fatal to caste. - Edward M. Forster
  • If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed... Oh wait, he does.
  • If Bill Gates is the Devil then Linus Torvalds must be the Messiah.
  • If Microsoft were to vanish, who would we hate next?
  • If Python is executable pseudocode, then perl is executable line noise.
  • If a man's wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics. - Essays, 1625. - Francis Bacon
  • If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
  • If a trainstation is where the train stops, what's a workstation...? - Anonymous
  • If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
  • If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
  • If at first you don't succeed, get a job with Microsoft.
  • If brute force doesn't solve your problems, then you aren't using enough.
  • If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
  • If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
  • If it takes a rocket scientist to program a clock radio, why don't they use them?
  • If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
  • If unix is the face of the future I wanna go back to quill pens. - Gene Spafford
  • If we added up all of the 2 cents that Slashdot readers gave, I wonder how much sense vs. cents we'd have.
  • If you build a better mousetrap, you will catch better mice. - George Gobel
  • If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing. - Anonymous
  • If you don't double-click me, I can't do anything. - Anonymous
  • If you get hung up on everybody else's hang-ups, then the whole world's going to be nothing more than one huge gallows. - Richard Brautigan
  • If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.
  • If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done. - Guy Almes
  • If you walked into Netscape headquarters with a plain old modem from CompUSA they'd think it was a garage-door opener. - Walter Mossberg
  • If you want to get across an idea, wrap it up in a person. - Ralph Bunche
  • If you're such a geek, why are all of your clocks flashing 12:00?
  • If your OS needs a virus detector... RUN!!! ...Out and buy Linux! (Tim Wright)
  • If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
  • In Alaska, where it gets very cold, pi is only 3.00. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold. They call it Eskimo pi.
  • In Cyberspace, the First Amendment is a local ordinance. - John Perry Barlow
  • In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would take many men many months to equal it.
  • In a world without fences who needs Gates?
  • In physics, you don't have to go around making trouble for yourself - nature does it for you. - Frank Wilczek
  • In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. - Paul Dirac
  • Innovators are inevitably controversial. - Eva Le Gallienne
  • Intel has announced its next chip: the Repentium. - Anonymous
  • Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking.
  • It doesn't matter how new an idea is: what matters is how new it becomes. - Elias Canetti
  • It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity. - Albert Einstein
  • It is a good morning exercise for a research scientist to discard a pet hypothesis every day before breakfast. It keeps him young. - Konrad Lorenz
  • It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
  • It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
  • It is much better to have your gold in the hand than in the heart. - Thomas Fuller
  • It is not always possible to know what one has learned, or when the dawning will arrive. - Virginia B. Smith
  • It is not always possible to know what one has learned, or when the dawning will arrive. My charge ... is to be alert to the dawnings.
  • It is not too late to turn back from the GATES of hell. Use Linux - the free 32 bit operating system.
  • It is questionable if all the mechanical inventions yet made have lightened the day's toil of any human being. - John Stuart Mill
  • It is the customary fate of new truths to begin as heresies and to end as superstitions. - Thomas Henry Huxley
  • It is useless to send armies against ideas. - George Brandes
  • It may not always be profitable at first for businesses to be online, but it is certainly going to be unprofitable not to be online.
  • It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit.
  • It works! Now if only I could remember what I did...
  • It's a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages.
  • It's all GNU to me.
  • It's going to be a bummer if Mars turns out to be like us. - Newt Gingrich
  • It's no wonder they call it WinNT; WNT = VMS++; (Chris Abbey)
  • It's not a bug; it's an undocumented feature.
  • It's spelled Linux, but it's pronounced `Not Windows' It's spelled Windows, but it's pronounced `Aieeeeeeee!' (Shannon Hendrix)
  • It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your source code is?
  • JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
  • Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless. - Thomas Alva Edison
  • KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
  • Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.
  • Keyboard : Instrument used to enter errors into computer.
  • Keyboard not connected, press F1 to continue.
  • Large cardinals do it inaccessibly.
  • Leaders have to act more quickly today. The pressure comes much faster. - Andy Grove
  • Leading Edge: The time between buying your new computer and unpacking it at home.
  • Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code.
  • Like car accidents, most hardware problems are due to driver error.
  • Linear programmers do it with nearest neighbors.
  • Linux: Because a PC is a terrible thing to waste.
  • Linux: Because rebooting is for adding hardware
  • Linux: Because rebooting is for adding new hardware
  • Linux: DOS, Windows NT - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
  • Linux: Fast Pane Relief
  • Linux: Have you administered a real OS today?
  • Linux: It is now safe to turn on your computer.
  • Linux: The OS people choose without $200,000,000 of persuasion
  • Linux: The choice of a GNU generation
  • Linux: There is no conspiracy... yet. (Matthew Adair)
  • Linux: When you want to get there today! (Jeremy Hinegardner)
  • Linux: Where Don't We Want To Go Today?
  • Linux: Where do you want to GO... Oh, I'm already there!
  • Linux: Where do you want to go tomorrow?
  • Linux: Works great, less filling.
  • Linux: a re-Gnu-able resource.
  • Linux: because software problems should not cost money. (Shlomi Fish)
  • Linux: because we don't need no steenkin' Blue Screen of Death!
  • Linux: the dot in "dot org".
  • Linux: the operating system with a CLUE... Command Line User Environment
  • Linux: the way to get rid of boot viruses
  • Linux: transforms your microcomputer in a workstation. Windows NT: transforms your workstation in a microcomputer. (Paulo F. Sedrez)
  • Logicians do it by choice, consistently and completely.
  • Logicians do it incompletely or inconsistently.
  • MACINTOSH stands for Most Applications Crash If Not The Operating System Hangs.
  • MCSE == Mentally Challenged Slave of the Empire.
  • MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software is Only for Fools and Teenagers.
  • MS and Y2K: Windows 95, 98, ... and back again to 01
  • Mac users swear by their Mac, PC users swear at their PC.
  • Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...
  • Man's fear of ideas is probably the greatest dike holding back human knowledge and happiness. - Morris L. Ernst
  • Market share leadership is a tenuous thing, Mr. Gates: ask IBM ;-)
  • Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(ln(13e))]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]
  • Mathematical physicists understand the theory of how to do it, but have difficulty obtaining practical results.
  • Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
  • Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.
  • Melted fruit snacks found on Keyboard. Delete nephew [Y/N]?
  • Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Computers are from hell.
  • Men have become the tools of their tools. - John Tudor
  • Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • Men who accomplish great things in the industrial world are the ones who have faith in the money producing power of ideas. - Charles Fillmore
  • MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto = four character password
  • Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
  • Microsoft DOS/NT (doesn't) provide the means to WIN!
  • Microsoft Zen - Become one with the blue screen.
  • Microsoft does have a Y2K problem... it's called Linux!
  • Microsoft gives you Windows... Linux gives you the whole house.
  • Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. Linux is the answer.
  • Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer. - Erik Naggum
  • Microsoft is the epitome of innovation and product quality. -- This testimonial paid for by Microsoft.
  • Microsoft isn't evil, they just make really crappy operating systems. - Linus Torvalds
  • Microsoft should switch to the vacuum cleaner business where people actually want products that suck. (Bruno Bratti)
  • Microsoft technology - isn't that an oxymoron?
  • Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."
  • Mommy! The cursor's winking at me!
  • Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
  • Multimedia? As far as I'm concerned, it's reading with the radio on! - Andrew Brown
  • My Beowulf cluster will beat your Windows NT network any day. (wbogardt[at]gte.net)
  • My computer, my documents, my briefcase, my ASS! (Ben Cook)
  • My main purpose in life is to make money so that I can afford to go on creating more inventions. - Thomas Alva Edison
  • My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
  • NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
  • NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
  • NT 5.0 so vaporous it's in danger of being added to the periodic table as a noble gas. (Spotted in a Slashdot discussion)
  • NT == No Thanks
  • NT... the last two letters of bowel movement
  • National Weather Service advice for those threatened by severe thunderstorms: "Go inside a sturdy building and stay away from WINDOWS!"
  • Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.
  • Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!"
  • Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window. - Steve Wozniak
  • Never trust an operating system you don't have sources for.
  • New Technology or "Not Trusted"?
  • No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.
  • Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. - Edward Shepherd Mead
  • Nothing interferes with my concentration. You could put on an orgy in my office and I wouldn't look up. Well, maybe once. - Isaac Asimov
  • Nothing is more dangerous than an idea, when you only have one. - Alain Chartier
  • Number theorists do it perfectly and rationally.
  • O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but you just can't prove it.
  • OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
  • Obsolete: Any computer you own.
  • Of all my inventions, I liked the phonograph best. Life's most soothing things are sweet music and a child's goodnight. - Thomas Alva Edison
  • Of course I know how to copy disks. Where's the xerox machine?
  • Oh My God! They Killed init! You Bastards!
  • One has to be able to count if only so that at fifty one doesn't marry a girl of twenty. - The Zykovs, 1914. - Maxim Gorky
  • One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. - Elbert Hubbard
  • One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea. - Walter Bagehot
  • One person's error is another person's data.
  • One picture is worth 128K words.
  • Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein
  • Operator! Trace this call and tell me where I am.
  • Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. - Anonymous
  • Ours is the age which is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to. - Howard Mumford Jones
  • Owners of digital watches: Your day's are numbered!
  • Oxymoron: Microsoft Works.
  • PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS: Your system works fine, but it complains loudly about foreign software.
  • PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack: Once if by LAN twice if by C
  • PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
  • POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never identifies itself as a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism."
  • Peace, Love and Compile the kernel.... (Justin L. Herreman)
  • Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. - Anonymous
  • People in the computer industry use the term 'user,' which to them means 'idiot.'. - Dave Barry
  • People think of the inventor as a screwball, but no one ever asks the inventor what he thinks of other people. - Charles F. Kettering
  • People use dummies for crash-tests. Windows is so difficult they had to educate the dummies first - by giving them "Windows for Dummies"
  • People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first. - David H Comins
  • Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.
  • Pleasehelpmefixmykeyboard,thespacebarisbrokenandIcannotfixitbymyselfwithoutyourhelp!
  • Polygraph tests are 20th-century witchcraft. - Sam Ervin
  • Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.
  • Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.
  • Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue ...
  • Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
  • Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
  • Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
  • Programmer's Time-Space Continuum: Programmers continuously space the time.
  • Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code.
  • Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
  • Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. - Michael Sinz
  • Pure mathematicians do it rigorously.
  • Q: How many Linux users does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two. One to write the HOWTO-LIGHTBULB-CRONJOB, and another to read it.
  • Q: How many Microsoft Programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: It cannot be done. You will need to upgrade your house.
  • Quantum physicists can either know how fast they do it, or where they do it, but not both.
  • RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure.
  • REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)
  • ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.
  • Read my chips: No new upgrades!
  • Real analysts do it almost everywhere
  • Real men don't use backups, they post their stuff on a public ftp server and let the rest of the world make copies. - Linus Torvalds
  • Real programmers can write assembly code in any language. - Larry Wall
  • Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
  • Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.
  • Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!
  • Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds. - John Perry Barlow
  • Research is the act of going up alleys to see if they are blind. - Mark Russell
  • Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind. - Marston Bates
  • Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. - Wernher Von Braun
  • Reset button? Which reset button? - Linux, the OS that never sleeps.
  • Ring theorists do it non-commutatively.
  • SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.
  • SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
  • STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
  • STEVE FORBES VIRUS: All files are reported as the same size.
  • SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it.
  • Scandisk is now checking your hard drive. You can start praying.
  • Scheduled Release Date: A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.
  • Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men. - Jean Rostand
  • Science is a first-rate piece of furniture for a man's upper chamber, if he has common sense on the ground floor. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
  • Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality. -Carl Sagan
  • Science is nothing but perception. - Plato
  • Science is simply common sense at its best - that is, rigidly accurate in observation, and merciless to fallacy in logic. - Thomas Huxley
  • Science is simply common sense at its best, that is, rigidly accurate in observation, and merciless to fallacy in logic. - Thomas H. Huxley
  • Science is the tool of the Western mind and with it more doors can be opened than with bare hands. - C.G. Jung
  • Science is what you know, philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell
  • Science... never solves a problem without creating ten more. - George Bernard Shaw
  • See, you not only have to be a good coder to create a system like Linux, you have to be a sneaky bastard too. - Linus Torvalds
  • Set theorists do it with cardinals.
  • Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
  • Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
  • Shutting down networkservers reguarly during worktime prevents RSI and develops social contacts at work.
  • Since the machine is offline half of the time because of crashes, it cannot be accessed globally, therefore producing higher security.
  • Sites need to be able to interact in one single, universal space. - Tim Berners-lee
  • Slight disorientation after prolonged system uptime is normal for new Linux users. Please do not adjust your browser.
  • Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
  • So what is the best way to protect yourself against the ILOVEYOU virus? Install Linux. If that's not an option, try uninstalling Windows.
  • Solaris: Because you don't need to reboot to add hardware
  • Some software money can't buy. For everything else there's Micros~1.
  • Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google.
  • Someday man will harness the rise and fall of the tides, imprison the power of the sun, and release atomic power. - Thomas Alva Edison
  • Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_|. - Anonymous
  • Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~"
  • Speed Kills! Use Windows.
  • State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.
  • Statisticians probably do it.
  • Sticks and Stones may break my bones but FUD will never concern me.
  • Surgery is the red flower that blooms among the leaves and thorns that are the rest of medicine. - Dr. Richard Selzer
  • Syntax Error - Walking into a computer store and saying "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."
  • System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.
  • System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing.
  • TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
  • TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
  • Technology is destructive only in the hands of people who do not realize that they are one and the same process as the universe. -Alan Watts
  • Technology is positive when the creators put the interests of their users before their bottom line.
  • Technology is so much fun but we can drown in our technology. The fog of information can drive out knowledge. - Daniel J. Boorstin
  • Technology... is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other. - Carrie P. Snow
  • Technology... the knack of so arranging the world that we don't have to experience it. -Max Frisch. - Max Frisch
  • Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
  • That thou seest, man, become too thou must; God, if thou seest God, dust, if thou seest dust. - Brother Angelus
  • That's the nature of researchyou don't know what in hell you're doing. -'Doc' Edgerton. - 'doc' Edgerton
  • The Edsel. New Coke. Windows 2000. All mandatory case studies for bizschool students in 2020. (From a LinuxToday post by Bear Giles)
  • The Information Revolution will be fought on the command line.
  • The Internet interprets advertising as damage and routes around it.
  • The Internet is like a giant jellyfish. You can't step on it. You can't go around it. You've got to get through it. - John Evans
  • The Internet treats censorship as a malfunction and routes around it. - John Perry Barlow
  • The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.
  • The NeXT Computer: The hardware makes it a PC, the software makes it a workstation, the unit sales makes it a mainframe. - Anonymous
  • The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.
  • The atom, being for all practical purposes the stable unit of the physical plane, is a constantly changing vortex of reactions. - Unknown
  • The best Windows accelerator is that which works at 9.81m/s2
  • The best accelerator available for a Mac is one that causes it to go at 9.81 m/s2.
  • The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8m sec sec. - Marcus Dolengo
  • The box said "Requires Windows 95 or better." I can't understand why it won't work on my Linux computer.
  • The box said 'Required Windows 95 or better'. So, I installed LINUX.
  • The box said: 'install on Windows 95, NT 4.0 or better'. So I installed it on Linux.
  • The computer programmer is a creator of universes for which he alone is responsible. - Joseph Weizenbaum
  • The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
  • The digital revolution is far more significant than the invention of writing or even of printing. - Douglas Engelbart
  • The dove is my emblem. - Thomas Alva Edison
  • The facts of the present won't sit still for a portrait. They are constantly vibrating, full of clutter and confusion. - Macneile Dixon
  • The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
  • The first rule of any technology used in a business is that automation applied to an efficient operation will magnify the efficiency.
  • The following are from Gareth Barnard:
  • The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones.
  • The great tragedy of science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact. - Thomas H. Huxley
  • The great tragedy of science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact. - Thomas Huxley
  • The important thing in science is not so much to obtain new facts as to discover new ways of thinking about them. - Sir William Bragg
  • The information went data way -------->
  • The internet is a great way to get on the net. - Bob Dole
  • The linuX Files - The Source is Out There.
  • The machine does not isolate man from the great problems of nature but plunges him more deeply into them. - Antoine de Saint
  • The more I C, the less I see.
  • The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' -Isaac Asimov.
  • The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'. - Isaac Asimov
  • The name is Baud ...... James Baud.
  • The next hot technology from Microsoft will be object-oriented assembly.
  • The nice thing about Windows - it does not just crash; it actually displays a dialogue box and lets you press OK first.
  • The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.
  • The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from.
  • The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
  • The only problem with troubleshooting is that sometimes trouble shoots back.
  • The only thing you will ever be able to say in the so-called 'social' sciences is: "some do, some don't.". - Kelvin Throop III
  • The process of scientific discovery is, in effect, a continual flight from wonder. - Albert Einstein
  • The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
  • The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'.
  • The protean nature of the computer is such that it can act like a machine or like a language to be shaped and exploited. - Alan Kay
  • The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers. - Sydney J. Harris
  • The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. - Joseph Snipp
  • The relative speed of a computer, regardless of CPU architecture, is inversely proportional to the number of Microsoft products installed.
  • The research rat of the future allows experimentation without manipulation of the real world. - John Spencer
  • The robot is going to lose. Not by much. But when the final score is tallied, flesh and blood is going to beat the damn monster. - Adam Smith
  • The science of today is the technology of tomorrow. - Edward Teller
  • The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. - Ernest Rutherford
  • The synthesis that finally occurs can be in the most unexpected place and the most unexpected time. - Virginia B. Smith
  • The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. - Anonymous
  • The two best physicians of them all - Dr. Laughter and Dr. Sleep. - Gregory Dean Jr.
  • The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and human stupidity. - Unknown
  • The typewriter, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation. - Oscar Wilde
  • The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
  • The way to do research is to attack the facts at the point of greatest astonishment. - Celia Green
  • The world will end in five minutes. Please log out.
  • Theory provides the maps that turn an uncoordinated set of experiments or computer simulations into a cumulative exploration. - David Goldberg
  • There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that understand trinary, those that don't, and those that confuse it with binary.
  • There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
  • There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
  • There are only 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."
  • There are two major products to come out of Berkley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
  • There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
  • There can never be a computer language in which you cannot write a bad program.
  • There is no adequate defense, except stupidity, against the impact of a new idea. - P. W. Bridgman
  • There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home. - Jeff Raskin
  • There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
  • There never was a chip, it is said, that Bill Gates couldn't slow down with a new batch of features. - James Coates
  • There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple.
  • There's the light at the end of the the Windows.
  • These settings will have no effect until you restart the system. Reset Universe (Y/N)
  • Thinking is the hardest work there is. Which is the probable reason why so few engage in it. - Henry Ford
  • This isn't right, this isn't even wrong. - Wolfgang Pauli
  • This problem, too, will look simple after it is solved. - Charles Francis Kettering
  • Thisisallyoucanreallygetwhenyourspacebarisbrokenandnooneisaroundtofixitforyou!
  • Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, HACK!
  • Thou shalt not follow the NULL pointer, for chaos and madness await thee at its end.
  • Thou shalt run lint frequently and study its pronouncements with care, for verily its perception and judgement oft exceed thine.
  • To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
  • To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so. - Robert Orben
  • To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
  • To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
  • To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password.
  • To go forward, you must backup.
  • To segfault is human; to bluescreen moronic.
  • Topologists do it openly, in multiply connected domains
  • Touch a scientist and you touch a child. - Ray Bradbury
  • Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months. - Clifford Stoll
  • Type cat vmlinuz > /dev/audio to hear the Voice of God.
  • URLs are the 800 numbers of the 1990's. - Chris Clark
  • US Navy uses NT. Saddam, Gadafi, it's party time!
  • Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
  • Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are.
  • Unix: Where /sbin/init is still Job 1.
  • Usenet is like Tetris for people who still remember how to read. - Ken Iverson
  • User error: replace user and press any key to continue.
  • Variationists do it locally and globally.
  • Vini, vidi, Linux!
  • WARNING: Keyboard Not Attached. Press F10 to Continue.
  • WINDOWS stands for (W)ill (I)nstall (N)eedless (D)ata (O)n (W)hole (S)ystem.
  • Want to make your computer go really fast? Throw it out a window. - Anonymous
  • Warning, keyboard not found. Press Enter to continue.
  • We all know Linux is great...it does infinite loops in 5 seconds. - Linus
  • We are Linux. Resistance is measured in Ohms.
  • We are governed not by armies, but by ideas. - Mona Caird
  • We are using Linux daily to UP our productivity - so UP yours, Microsoft!
  • We like to test things... no matter how good an idea sounds, test it first. - Henry Block
  • We're all living in a chemical soup. - Lance A. Wallace
  • We're making a major move of the Internet, and runway.polo.com is a natural extension of both polo.com and our collection business.
  • We've arranged a civilization in which most crucial elements profoundly depend on science and technology. - Carl Sagan
  • What I thought was fifty years away, was only ten years away. And what I thought was ten years away, it was already here. - Bruce Sterling
  • What boots up must come down.
  • What goes up must come down. Ask any system administrator. - Anonymous
  • What hath God wrought? - Samuel F. B. Morse
  • What is a scientist after all? It is a curious man looking through a keyhole, the keyhole of nature, trying to know what's going on.
  • What is research, but a blind date with knowledge. - William Henry
  • What we know is not much; what we do not know is immense. - Pierre
  • When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
  • When the going gets tough, upgrade.
  • When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
  • When you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research. - Lawrence J. Peter
  • When you take stuff from one writer it's plagiarism; but when you take it from many writers, it's research. - Wilson Mizner
  • Whenever anyone says, 'theoretically,' they really mean, 'not really.'. - Dave Parnas
  • Where do you want Bill Gates to go today?
  • Where do you want to go today? Don't ask Microsoft for directions.
  • Where there is the necessary technical skill to move mountains, there is no need for the faith that moves mountains. - Eric Hoffer
  • Who's General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
  • Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk? - Anonymous
  • Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad. - Anonymous
  • Why do they call this a word processor? It's simple, ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?
  • Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
  • Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
  • Why shouldn't a PC work like a refrigerator or a toaster? - Walter Mossberg
  • Why use Windows, since there is a door?
  • Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
  • Willyoupleasehelpmefixmykeyboard?ThespacebarisbrokenandIcannotfixit!
  • Windows 2000, Users Zilch
  • Windows 2000: Designed for the Internet. The Internet: Designed for UNIX.
  • Windows 3.1 not found: (C)heer, (P)arty, (D)ance?
  • Windows 98 hasn't crashed for me once in over a year, either. Oh, wait, I haven't booted it in over a year.
  • Windows 98 or above required to run this software. (I)nstall Linux I(N)stall Linux In(S)stall Linux
  • Windows 98 or above required to run this software. (I)nstall Unix (U)ninstall Windows 98 (D)iscard Computer
  • Windows 98 or above required to run this software. (I)nstall Unix I(N)stall Linux (U)ninstall Windows 98
  • Windows 98 or above required to run this software. (I)nstall Unix I(N)stall Unix In(S)stall Unix
  • Windows 98 or above required to run this software. (R)un (H)ide (I)nstall Unix
  • Windows NT - it'll drive you buggy!
  • Windows NT encountered the following error: The operation completed successfully.
  • Windows NT from the people who invented EDLIN!
  • Windows NT source code now available... download WIN2000.BAS now!
  • Windows contains FAT. Use Linux - you won't ever have to worry about your weight.
  • Windows does not have any bugs ..... Can I sell you a bridge in the Sahara desert?
  • Windows hasn't increased computer literacy. It's just lowered the standard.
  • Windows is NOT a virus. Viruses DO something.
  • Windows95: It's like upgrading from Reagan to Bush.
  • Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
  • Windows: Microsoft's tax on computer illiterates.
  • Windows: The first user interface where you click Start to turn it off.
  • Windows: Where do you WANT to go TODAY? You WANT to, but you'll never get there. And you can go to only ONE place per day.
  • Windows: Where do you want to go today? MacOS: Where do you want to be tomorrow? Linux: Are you coming or what? (from Linux Journal)
  • Windows: the ultimate triumph of marketing over technology.
  • With Windows Millennium, Microsoft was able to get the boot time down to 25 seconds. That's almost as short as it's uptime.
  • Yo-yo operating system = WinNT: it goes up... it goes down... it goes up... it goes down...
  • You are making progress if each mistake is a new one.
  • You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine. - Flip Wilson
  • You cannot feed the hungry on statistics. - Heinrich Heine
  • You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.
  • You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago. Tomorrow you'll need that version.
  • You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!
  • You have to hatch ideas - and then hitch them. - Ray D. Everson
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: He has Jeff Foxworthy *.wavs.
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: His outgoing faxes have beer stains on them.
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: The keyboard is camouflaged.
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: The menus all have Budweiser, Black Label, and Old Milwaukee options.
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: The monitor is up on blocks.
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: The mouse is referred to as a, "critter."
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: The password is, "Bubba."
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: The printer goes really slow since Bubba don't read too fast.
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: The six front keys have rotted out.
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: There are Dale Earnhardt stickers on the sides of the monitor.
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: There are Seven blue tick hounds under the desk.
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: There is a gun-rack mounted on the side of the monitor.
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: There is deer jerky in the desk drawer.
  • You just might have a southerner working for you if: Windows has a Dale Earnhardt sticker on it.
  • You know that thing was obsolete by the time you got it out of the box right?
  • You know you want it! You know you need it! You know you can't live without it! - Unix
  • You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
  • Your mouse has moved. Windows NT must be restarted for the change to take effect. Reboot now? [ OK ]
  • Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true. - Niels Bohr
  • unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep - my daily unix command list

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