One Liners Page 1

  • 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
  • (I'm all over that)...like a duck on a junebug.
  • (I'm all over that)...like a fly on shit.
  • (S)he's got the face of an angel.
  • (to describe a well-proportioned woman) like two tomcats in a gunny sack.
  • 43% of all statistics are worthless.
  • 668: The Neighbour of the Beast.
  • 7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
  • A 'wish' changes nothing. A 'decision' changes everything!
  • A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
  • A PBS mind in an MTV world.
  • A Slice of Pie. i.e. piece of cake.
  • A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
  • A banker is someone who lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining, and who asks for it back when it start to rain.
  • A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
  • A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two-tired.
  • A big black bear sat on a big black bug.
  • A big black bug bit a big black bear and made the big black bear bleed blood.
  • A big black bug bit a big black bear and the big black bear bled blood
  • A big black bug bit a big black bear, made the big black bear bleed blood.
  • A big bug bit a bold bald bear and the bold bald bear bled blood badly.
  • A bird does not sing because it has an answer -- it sings because it has a song.
  • A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
  • A black bloke's back brake-block broke.
  • A bloke's back bike brake block broke.
  • A bloke's bike back brake block broke.
  • A box of biscuits, a batch of mixed biscuits
  • A brook would lose its song if God removed the rocks.
  • A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
  • A budget is something we go without to stay within.
  • A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
  • A calm sea does not make a skilled sailor.
  • A camel is a horse designed by a committee.
  • A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.
  • A candle brightens the world around it. Unfortunately, it creates a shadow of its own. It still serves the purpose it is meant for.
  • A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
  • A careless word may kindle strife.A cruel word may wreck a life.A timely word may level stress.A loving word may heal and bless.
  • A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognised.
  • A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
  • A chain is only as strong as it's weakest link.
  • A cheshire-cat smile.
  • A child will perform from their mind for their coach/teacher, but for a parent they perform from their heart.
  • A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.
  • A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
  • A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has.
  • A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
  • A closed mind is a good thing to lose.
  • A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer.
  • A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • A conference is a gathering of important people who individually can't do anything but together can decide that nothing can be done.
  • A conservative is a politician who wants to keep what the liberals fought for a generation ago.
  • A conservative is a worshipper of dead radicals.
  • A crisis is when you can't say: "let's forget the whole thing".
  • A crumb from a winner's table is better than a feast from a loser's table!
  • A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
  • A cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.
  • A cupcake cook in a cupcake cook's cap cooks cupcakes.
  • A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
  • A dancer goes quick on her beautiful legs; a duck goes quack on her beautiful eggs.
  • A day late and a dollar short!
  • A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.
  • A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
  • A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
  • A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?".
  • A disbelief in God does not result in a belief in nothing; disbelief in God usually results in a belief in anything.
  • A dog who attends a flea circus most likely will steal the whole show.
  • A dozen dim ding-dongs.
  • A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline.
  • A drop of ink may make a million think.
  • A drunk mans' words are a sober mans' thoughts.
  • A face without freckles is like a sky without stars.
  • A fair face may fade, but a beautiful soul last forever.
  • A farmer learns more from a bad harvest than a good one.
  • A fat-free fruit float.
  • A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
  • A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
  • A friend in need is a pest.
  • A friend is one who knows who you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you become, and still gently invites you to grow.
  • A friend is someone that won't begin to talk behind your back when you leave the room.
  • A friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks beside you in the shadows.
  • A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
  • A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.
  • A friend to all is a friend to none.
  • A full boat. (referring to a full house in poker).
  • A gentle word, like summer rain, may soothe some heart and banish pain. What joy or sadness often springs, from just the simple little things!
  • A girl phoned me and said...Come on over there's nobody home. I went over... Nobody was home!
  • A giving church is a living church.
  • A goal properly set is halfway reached.
  • A goal without a plan is just a wish.
  • A good conscience is a soft pillow.
  • A good example is the best sermon.
  • A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help another up.
  • A good friend see the first tear, catches the second and stops the third.
  • A good heart is hard to find.
  • A good man is hard to find.
  • A good marriage is like a casserole: only those involved actually know what goes into it.
  • A good school is a community where children learn to live first and foremost as children and not as future adults.
  • A good way to change somebody's attitude is to change your own.
  • A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have.
  • A guilty conscience needs no accuser.
  • A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
  • A happy person is one whose arithmetic is at its best when they is counting their blessings.
  • A hard man is good to find.
  • A hard thing about business is minding your own.
  • A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
  • A heavy burden does not kill on the day it is carried.
  • A hole big enough to drive a truck through (football).
  • A hole is nothing at all, but you can break your neck in it.
  • A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse.
  • A husband is the medicine that cures all the ills of girlhood.
  • A judge is a law student who marks their own examination papers.
  • A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
  • A kid's idea of a balanced diet is a hamburger in each hand.
  • A king's castle is his home.
  • A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
  • A knapsack strap.
  • A leading authority is anyone who has guessed right more than once.
  • A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses.
  • A little knowledge can go a long way
  • A little lie is like a little pregnancy it doesn't take long before everyone knows.
  • A long dispute means that both parties are wrong.
  • A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
  • A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
  • A lot of professionals are crackpots
  • A lump of red lead,
  • A lump of red leather, a red leather lump
  • A lusty lady loved a lawyer and longed to lure him from his laboratory.
  • A luxury once enjoyed becomes a necessity.
  • A man can't know what it is to be a mother
  • A man convinced against his will is still of the same opinion.
  • A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
  • A man is his own island.
  • A man is not where he lives, but where he loves.
  • A man spends the first half of his life learning habits that shorten the other half of his life.
  • A man who is attracted by your mental appearance loves you more than a man who is attracted by your physical appearance.
  • A man who lives in a glass house should change in basement.
  • A man who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones.
  • A man who thinks he is smarter than his wife, has a very smart wife!
  • A man who throws dirt loses ground.
  • A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
  • A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
  • A mind, like a home, is furnished by its owner, so if one's life is cold and bare he can blame none but himself.
  • A missing mixture measure.
  • A moment on the lips,an eternity on the hips.
  • A more expensive tennis racket will not make you a better player.
  • A mother's work is never done.
  • A name means a lot just by itself
  • A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the sky.Phychotic is the man who lives in it.And a psychiatrist collects the rent.
  • A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse.
  • A noise annoys an oyster, but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more!
  • A noisy noise annoys an oyster.
  • A note left for a pianist from his wife: "Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet.".
  • A nurse anesthetist unearthed a nest.
  • A pack of pesky pixies.
  • A penny for your thoughts?
  • A penny saved is a penny earned, and a penny spent, is a penny enjoyed.
  • A penny saved is a penny saved.
  • A penny will hide the biggest star in the universe if you hold it close enough to your eye.
  • A perfect guest is one who makes his host feel at home.
  • A person can fail many times, but they are not really a failure until they start to blame someone else.
  • A person is as big as the things that make him angry.
  • A person is getting along the road to wisdom when they begin to realize that their opinion is just another opinion.
  • A person is grown up not when they can take care of themselves, but when they can take care of others.
  • A person lives, to be loved.A person loves, to have lived.
  • A person of words and not deeds is like a garden full of weeds.
  • A person who can speak many languages is not necessarily more valuable than a person who can listen in one.
  • A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
  • A person who makes no mistakes, generally makes nothing.
  • A person without knowledge of his history is like a tree without roots.
  • A person's character and their garden both reflect the amount of weeding that was done during the growing season.
  • A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.
  • A pessimist is someone who looks at the land of milk and honey and sees only calories and cholesterol.
  • A pessimistic pest exists amidst us.
  • A pleasant place to place a plaice is a place where a plaice is pleased to be placed.
  • A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup.".
  • A politician is a person who can make waves and then make you think they are the only one who can save the ship.
  • A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything, except office.
  • A politician will stand for what he thinks people will fall for.
  • A poor person isn't he who has little, but he who needs a lot.
  • A poor report card has one good thing in its favor: at least you know the student is not cheating.
  • A positive attitude means all the difference in the world
  • A proper cup of coffee from a proper copper coffee pot.
  • A real friend is someone who takes a winter vacation on a sun-drenched beach and does not send a card.
  • A real patriot is someone who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
  • A real rare whale.
  • A red lead lump.
  • A relaxed man is not necessarily a better man
  • A religion that is small enough for us to understand would not be large enough for our needs.
  • A retired husband is a wife's full time job.
  • A rich person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least.
  • A rose by any other name is still a rose.
  • A rose can say I Love You. . . orchids can enthrall. . . but a weed bouquet in a chubby fist. . . OH MY that says it all!
  • A rumor is as hard to unspread as butter.
  • A sad Texan once prayed, "Lord, I wish you would make it rain - not so much for me, I've seen it - but for my 7-year-old.".
  • A seafood diet is the best: whenever you see food, eat it.
  • A seminar on time travel will be held in two weeks ago.
  • A sense of timing is the mark of genius
  • A sharp tongue and a dull mind are usually found in the same head.
  • A signature always reveals a man's character... and sometimes even his name.
  • A sincere effort is all you can ask
  • A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
  • A single event can have infinitely many interpretations
  • A single reason why you can do something is worth 100 reasons why you can't.
  • A sinning man will stop praying. A praying man will stop sinning.
  • A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
  • A slimey snake slithered down the sandy sahara.
  • A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it.
  • A smile is a curve that sets things straight.
  • A smile is a fortune, but you can't sell it, you can't buy it and you can't steal it, but it isn't good to anyone until it is given away.
  • A smile is the cheapest way to improve your looks, even if your teeth are crooked.
  • A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head and the heating system of the heart.
  • A smile on your face can be felt on anothers heart.
  • A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner. (English Proverb.
  • A solid home base builds a sense of self
  • A stand can be made against invasion of an army; no stand can be made against invasion of an idea.
  • A statesman shears the sheep. A politician skins them.
  • A status symbol is a symbol, not status.
  • A strong sense of duty can imprison you
  • A sweater is usually put on a child when the parent feels chilly.
  • A synonym is a word you use in place of one you can't spell.
  • A talent is formed in stillness, a character in the world's torrent.
  • A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.
  • A tear shed can say more than a hundred words spoken.
  • A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense.
  • A true friend walks in when the world walks out.
  • A truth spoken before its time is dangerous.
  • A turbot's not a burbot, for a turbot's a butt, but a burbot's not.
  • A twofold national problem is how to preserve the wilderness in the country and get rid of the jungle in the cities.
  • A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
  • A very pretty box with a bow but nothing inside.
  • A vibration is a motion that can't make up its mind which way it wants to go.
  • A walk is as good as a hit (baseball).
  • A weird thing about humans is we work till we're sick to get a fortune, then pay a fortune to get well again.
  • A wife is a person who can look in the top drawer of a dresser and find a man's handkerchief that isn't there.
  • A winner says, "There must be a better way to do it".A loser says, "This is the way it has always been done here".
  • A wise man may look ridiculous in the company of fools.
  • A wise man sees as much as he should, not as much as he can.
  • A wise person escapes temptation and leaves no forwarding address.
  • A wise person has something to say, a fool has to say something.
  • A woman never shot a man while he was doing dishes.
  • A woman to her son did utter,
  • A woman's greatest power is her vulnerability.
  • A word gets its meaning by the person who speaks it.
  • A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.
  • A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
  • A young person knows the rules but the old person knows the exceptions.
  • Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.
  • Ability can take you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.
  • Ability is what you're capable of doing...Motivation determines what you do...Attitude determines how well you do it.
  • About as exciting as watching paint dry.
  • Absence is to love as wind is to fire, it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.
  • Absolute submission can be a form of freedom
  • Abuse of power comes as no surprise
  • Achilles' heel.
  • Acquaintance: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
  • Act in haste, repent at leisure.
  • Action causes more trouble than thought
  • Action may not always be happiness, but there is no happiness without action.
  • Adolescence and snow are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
  • Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
  • After all is said and done, more is said than done.
  • After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
  • After hearing two eyewitness accounts of the same accident, you begin to wonder about history.
  • After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balance.
  • After the rain comes a rainbow.
  • Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
  • Ah shucks, six stick shifts stuck shut!
  • Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again
  • Alcohol preserves everything but not dignity.
  • Alice asks for axes.
  • Alienation produces eccentrics or revolutionaries
  • Alimony is having an ex-husband you can bank on.
  • Alimony: funds which allow a woman who lived unhappily married to live happily unmarried.
  • All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness.
  • All good things come to those that wait.
  • All men can fly, but sadly, only in one direction -- down.
  • All men make mistakes but married men find out about them sooner.
  • All mothers are working mothers.
  • All of us are God's creatures... just some are more creature than others.
  • All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.
  • All progress is based on a universal innate desire on the part of every organization to live beyond its income.
  • All sunshine makes a desert.
  • All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today and yesterday.
  • All the so-called "secrets of success" will not work unless you do.
  • All the treasure in the world is worthless, unless you have someone to share it with.
  • All things are delicately interconnected
  • All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap than a thin person.
  • Allow me to introduce my selves.
  • Although they had no first aid class,Egyptians were not dummies.They knew the art of bandaging,They learned it from their Mummies.
  • Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
  • Always buy good shoes, and a good bed. Because if you aren't in one, you're in the other.
  • Always forgive your enemies but never forget their names.
  • Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
  • Always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be the last time you see them.
  • Always look at the bright side of life.
  • Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
  • Am I indecisive? Can I get back to you on that?
  • Ambition is just as dangerous as complacency
  • Ambivalence can ruin your life
  • America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.
  • America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
  • America is a land where citizens vote for Democrats but hope to live like Republicans.
  • America is the only country in the world where the poor have a parking problem.
  • America, the melting pot of the world.
  • America. Love it or leave it.
  • An Apple a day keeps the doctor away.But . . . an onion a day keeps everyone away.
  • An adolescent is a person who acts like a baby when they aren't treated like an adult.
  • An angry person is seldom reasonable; a reasonable person is seldom angry.
  • An army of deer led by a lion is more to be feared than an army of lions led by a deer.
  • An educational system isn't worth a great deal if it teaches young people how to make a living but doesn't teach them how to make a life.
  • An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.
  • An elephant was asphyxiated in the asphalt.
  • An elite is inevitable
  • An error doesn't become a mistake until you choose to ignore it.
  • An obstacle is something you see when you take your eyes off the goal.
  • An old-timer is someone who remembers every detail of their life story, but cannot remember how many times they have told the same person.
  • An open mind does not always require an open mouth.
  • An optimist believes we live in the best of all worlds.A pessimist fears this is true.
  • An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh.
  • An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. - Nolan's / Peter's Placebo.
  • And this above all, to thine own self be true.
  • And which dwarf are you?
  • And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
  • Anger opens the mouth and shuts the mind.
  • Anger or hate can be a useful motivating force
  • Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it.
  • Ann and Andy's anniversary is in April.
  • Another cliche.
  • Another day, another dollar!
  • Any car will last a lifetime - if you are careless enough.
  • Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  • Any man who laughs at women's clothes has never paid the bill for them.
  • Anybody who thinks talk is cheap never argued with a traffic cop.
  • Anyone can make a mountain out of a molehill by throwing on more dirt.
  • Anyone who has time to look for a 4- leaf clover needs to find one.
  • Anyone who thinks that they are too small to make a difference, has never been in bed with a mosquito.
  • Anything that can be changed will be changed until there is no time left to change anything.
  • Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
  • Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
  • Ape Cakes, Grape Cakes.
  • Archeologist: someone whose carrier lies in ruins.
  • Are our oars oak?
  • Are you having a Blond day?
  • Are you living for the things you are praying for?
  • Are you showing your Blond?
  • Are you trying to live through me?
  • Are you wrinkled with burden? Come onto Church for a FAITH LIFT!
  • Argyle Gargoyle
  • Art is work, to sell it is art.
  • Artichokes are like humans: you have to go through so much to get to the heart.
  • Artificial desires are despoiling the earth
  • As I said before, I never repeat myself.
  • As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
  • As a man begins to live more seriously within; he begins to live more simply without.
  • As a rule, Man's a fool. When it's hot, He wants it cool. And when it's cool, He wants it hot, Always wanting What is not.
  • As interesting as two blind men having a conversation in sign language.
  • As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
  • As long as you don't forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind.
  • As long as you put in the work, you can own the dream. When the work stops, the dream disappears.
  • As lucky as a man in a women's prison with a fist full of pardons.
  • As much use as a yard of pump water.
  • As often as you eat this bread and drink this cup.
  • As one black bug, bled blue, black blood. The other black bug bled blue.
  • As sharp as a cafeteria meatball.
  • As the sunshine shone on the side of the shot-silk sash shop.
  • Ask yourself if what you are doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.
  • Asking the boss for a rise may not be patriotic, but it will help the government with the extra tax if it comes off.
  • Aspire to inspire before you expire.
  • Astronauts do it above the atmosphere.
  • Astronomers do it all night.
  • Astronomers do it cosmologically.
  • Astronomers do it ellyptically.
  • Astronomers do it hyperbolically.
  • Astronomers do it in X-ways.
  • Astronomers do it in clusters.
  • Astronomers do it in nebulae.
  • Astronomers do it in the dark.
  • Astronomers do it in voids.
  • Astronomers do it meteorically.
  • Astronomers do it on mountain tops.
  • Astronomers do it orbitally.
  • Astronomers do it parabolically.
  • Astronomers do it spectroscopically.
  • Astronomers do it telescopically.
  • Astronomers do it under the stars.
  • Astronomers do it universally.
  • Astronomers do it variably.
  • Astronomers do it while gazing at Uranus.
  • Astronomers do it with Uranus.
  • Astronomers do it with lenses.
  • Astronomers do it with long tubes.
  • Astronomers do it with mirrors.
  • Astronomers do it with sextants.
  • Astronomers do it with stars.
  • Astronomers do it with young stars.
  • At least it was a very interesting experience.
  • At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  • At times inactivity is preferable to mindless functioning
  • At wits' end.
  • At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  • Attend Church weekly NOT weakly.
  • Attention span measured in micro seconds.
  • Attitude might not catch fish, but it helps when you don't.
  • Attitude must be an art because it draws, and not a science because it can't be measured.
  • Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.
  • Autopsy is a dying practice.
  • Availability is better than ability for God.
  • Awful old Ollie oils oily autos.
  • Back in the brown shoe days.
  • Bacteria: the only culture some people have.
  • Bad black bran bread.
  • Bad hands (sports cliche).
  • Bad planing on your part does not necessarily constitute an automatic emergency on my part.
  • Bake big batches of bitter brown bread.
  • Bake big batches of brown blueberry bread.
  • Battin' your eyes like a toadfrog in a hailstorm.
  • Be at peace with yourself (shut-up).
  • Be beautiful if you can, wise if you want to... But be respected, that is essential.
  • Be bold in what you stand for; and careful what you fall for.
  • Be careful of the words you say.And keep them soft and sweet. For you never know from day to day.Which ones you'll have to eat.
  • Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.
  • Be careful or you'll poke your eye out!
  • Be good or be good at it!
  • Be of use, but don't be used.
  • Be tender to the young, compassionate to the aged, tolerant with the weak. For in your life you will be all of these.
  • Be thankful for problems. If they were less difficult, someone with less ability might have your job.
  • Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
  • Be ye fishers of men, you catch them -- He will clean them.
  • Beam me up Scotty!
  • Beat me with the truth, don't torture me with lies.
  • Beautiful young people are acts of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I'm not one to judge.
  • Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone.
  • Beauty is only skin deep...but ugly goes all the way to the bone!
  • Beauty is quite different from charm, beauty is what you notice in a woman, charm is when a woman notices you.
  • Beauty's only skin deep; ugly goes through to the bone.
  • Because you are someone special I send jou my love today For you are verry wonderful In each and every way.
  • Been there, done that and have the tee-shirt to prove it.
  • Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
  • Been there, done that.
  • Been there... done that.
  • Before you can break out of prison, you must realize that you are locked up.
  • Before you point your fingers be sure your hands are clean.
  • Behaviour is a mirror in which everyone shows his image.
  • Behind the clouds, the sun is shining.
  • Being a grandfather doesn't bother me, but sleeping with a grandma certainly does.
  • Being cool, is not trying to be cool.
  • Being happy is more important than anything else
  • Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart.
  • Being right is highly overrated. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
  • Being yourself is being the person everyone else wants you to be.
  • Believe in miracles, but don't depend on them.
  • Believe your beliefs and doubt your doubts.
  • Bend a few stories or yarns (lie).
  • Best friends don't ask you: "Is something wrong?"Best friends ask you: "Whats wrong?".
  • Better a chip on by shoulder than one at your feet.
  • Better a good heart than a fair face.
  • Better an end with pain, than pain with no end.
  • Better late than never!
  • Better than a kick in the ass with a frozen boot ( reference to being better than something potentially worse).
  • Better to keep your mouth shut and let everyone think you're a fool...
  • Better to light a candle, than to curse the darkness.
  • Better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.
  • Better untaught than ill-taught.
  • Betty better butter Brad's bread.
  • Between the sword and the wall (Spanish).
  • Big Ben blew big blue bubbles.
  • Big black bugs bleed blue black blood but baby black bugs bleed blue blood.
  • Big doesn't necessarily mean better..sunflowers aren't better than violets.
  • Black Bugs Bleed Black Blood
  • Black background, brown background.
  • Black bug's blood
  • Blake's black bike's back brake bracket block broke.
  • Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, they will never cease to be amused.
  • Blessed is he who doesn't show hatefulness over what is lost, but instead, shows gratefulness over what is left.
  • Blessed is he who, having nothing to say, refrained from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
  • Blowing out another's candle will not make yours shine brighter.
  • Blue bugs blood.
  • Bones; there are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: two bones of the middle ear have never been broken in a skiing accident.
  • Boob tube (TV).
  • Boredom makes you do crazy things
  • Boredom sets into boring minds.
  • Born twice, die once. Born once, die twice.
  • Borrow money from pessimists.They don't expect it back.
  • Bought the farm.
  • Brad's big black bath brush broke.
  • Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
  • Bread and butter play (football cliche).
  • Break a leg!
  • Break a leg.
  • Bright lights, big city.
  • Brisk brave brigadiers brandished broad bright blades, blunderbusses, and bludgeons -- Balancing them badly.
  • Buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood
  • Budgets help you worry before you spend money, as well as, afterward.
  • Buses stop at bus stations, trains at train stations, my desk has a workstation.
  • Busier than a one-armed paper-hanger.
  • Busier than a one-eyed cat watching two mouse holes.
  • Busier than a pig on ice.
  • Busier than a three legged cat in a dry sand box.
  • Busier than a three tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
  • Busy buzzing bumble bees.
  • But you did get a brain that day. The problem is that you should have asked for one to go.
  • Butcher's window: Let me meat your needs.
  • By learning to obey, you will know how to command.
  • By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.
  • By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
  • By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game.
  • C'est la vie.
  • Cady is dandy, but liquor is quicker, (Ogden Nash).
  • Calm is more conductive to creativity than is anxiety
  • Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
  • Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
  • Can you imagine an imaginary menagerie manager
  • Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't it inconceivable? I guess the definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.
  • Can you top this?
  • Can't a cat look at a queen?
  • Can't find his/her way out of a paper bag.
  • Can't get there from here.
  • Can't never could do anything. Till could came along and whipped Can't butt... now can't can do a lot.
  • Can't never did anything but fail.
  • Cat got your tongue?
  • Cat's pajamas (same meaning as cat's ass).
  • Catch a can canner canning a can as he does the cancan, amd you've caught a can-canning can-canning can canner!
  • Categorizing fear is calming
  • Celibacy is not an inherited characteristic.
  • Challenges can be stepping stones or stumbling blocks. It's just a matter of how you view them.
  • Change is valuable when the oppressed become tyrants
  • Changing one thing for the better is worth more than proving a thousand things are wrong.
  • Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
  • Character is made by what you stand for; reputation, by what you fall for.
  • Character is what a person is in the dark.
  • Charity begins at home. Success begins at work.
  • Chasing geese.
  • Cheap sheep soup.
  • Cheer up, it's not the end of the world.
  • Cheerfulness is contagious, but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a "carrier".
  • Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
  • Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need do to lose weight is to take a bath.
  • Children are natural mimics. They act like their parents in spite of every attempt to teach them good manners.
  • Children are the hope of the future
  • Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.
  • Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
  • Chocolate chip cookies in a copper coffee cup.
  • Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
  • Choose well. Your choice is brief, and yet endless.
  • Christianity is not a crutch. It's a pair of wings.
  • Christians aren't perfect, they're just forgiven!
  • Church is the only place I know, where I can arrive late and get the best seats in the house!
  • Church is the only society on earth that exists for the benefit of non-members.
  • Church members are either pillars or caterpillars..the pillars hold up the church, and the caterpillars just crawl in and out.
  • Cinnamon aluminum linoleum.
  • Class structure is as artificial as plastic
  • Clean clams crammed in clean cans.
  • Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it has stopped snowing.
  • Clock: A small mechanical device to wake up people without children.
  • Clones are people two.
  • Close enough for government work.
  • Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
  • Coins are made by mint of metal. Character is made by dint of mettle.
  • Cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table.
  • Colder than a well diggers ass.
  • Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra.
  • Colder than a witches toe.
  • Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
  • Collect a bundle of.........
  • College is that bright interlude of freedom a young man has between subjection to his mother and submission to his wife.
  • Come kick six sticks quick.
  • Come, work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.
  • Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
  • Common sense is not that common.
  • Communication by empathy is a talent that few possess.
  • Compromise: the art of dividing a cake so that everybody believes he or she got the biggest piece.
  • Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
  • Confucius Say: Baseball is wrong - man with four balls cannot walk.
  • Confucius Say: Don't eat the snow where the huskies go!
  • Confucius Say: Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
  • Confucius Say: Grease monkey who go to bed without bathing wake up oily in the morning.
  • Confucius Say: He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
  • Confucius Say: It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
  • Confucius Say: Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
  • Confucius Say: Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
  • Confucius Say: Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
  • Confucius Say: Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
  • Confucius Say: Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion!
  • Confucius Say: Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
  • Confucius Say: Man who lose key to apartment not get new key.
  • Confucius Say: Man who run in front of car get tired.
  • Confucius Say: Man who sit on tack get point!
  • Confucius Say: Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
  • Confucius Say: War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
  • Confucius Say: Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
  • Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
  • Consider how hard it is to change yourself; and you will understand what little chance you have trying to change others.
  • Constant use will wear out anything... especially friends.
  • Consumers are statistics, customers are people.
  • Contentment is not to be found in having what you want, but rather wanting what you have.
  • Copy from one its plagiarism. Copy from two its research.
  • Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says...I'll try again tommorrow.
  • Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
  • Courage is not the absence of fear.Courage is the precence of fear with the capacity to manage and overcome it.
  • Cows graze in droves on grass that grows on grooves in groves.
  • Crazier than a crap house rat.
  • Crisp crust crackles.
  • Cuando hay hambre, no hay pan duro!
  • Cultivate money and you grow rich. Cultivate mind and you raise culture.
  • Cuthbert's cufflinks.
  • Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
  • Dance as if no one's watching, love as if it's never going to hurt.
  • Dance attendance on.
  • Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.
  • Darker than the inside of a cow.
  • Day - at the end of the day.
  • Dead in the water.
  • Deader than 4 O'Clock.
  • Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
  • Death is not a period but a comma in the story of life.
  • Death is not totally extinguishing the light but turning off the lamp because the dawn has come.
  • Decency is a relative thing
  • Deciding not to choose is still making a choice.
  • Dedication is not what others expect of you; it is what you can give to others.
  • Deep, dark jungle.
  • Defeat isn't bitter if you don't swallow it.
  • Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this Bull before!
  • Democracy is three wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.
  • Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
  • Deviants are sacrificed to increase group solidarity
  • Did Dick Pickens prick his pinkie pickling cheap cling peaches in an inch of Pinch or framing his famed French finch photos?
  • Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
  • Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
  • Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.
  • Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side? He's all right now.
  • Didn't I dissect you in a biology class one time ?
  • Didn't even say hello, drop dead.
  • Dieting is wishful shrinking.
  • Dig yourself out of a hole.
  • Digital Wisdom: Affirm brain on-line before opening mouth.com.
  • Diplomacy -- the art of letting someone have your own way.
  • DisAppointments are often His Appointments.
  • Disappointments should be cremated, not embalmed.
  • Disorganization is a kind of anesthesia
  • Do I look like a people person?
  • Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
  • Do all you should, not all you could.
  • Do as a I say, not as I do.
  • Do bad and remember, do good and forget.
  • Do for others with no desire of returned favor. We all should plant some trees we'll never sit under.
  • Do one thing at time, with supreme excellence.
  • Do thick tinkers think?
  • Do what you love and love what you're doing, and you'll never work another day in your life.
  • Do whatever it takes to get the job done!
  • Do you have peanutbutter in your ears?
  • Do you have pigeon poop in your ears?
  • Do you have potatoes growing in your ears?
  • Do you think I'm made of money?
  • Do's and don'ts influence wills and won'ts.
  • Doctor, doctor, my hair's coming out.Can you give me something to keep it in?Certainly - how about a paper bag?
  • Doctor, doctor, my little boy's swallowed a bullet.What shall I do?Well, for a start, don't point him at me.
  • Does ten pounds of dough make a big biscuit?
  • Does this shop sport short socks with spots?
  • Does your train of thought have a caboose?
  • Doesn't know his arse from his elbow.
  • Dogs have masters.Cats have staff.
  • Doing a thing wrong for a long period of time gives it the superficial appearance of being right.
  • Dollars to Doughnuts.
  • Don't ask what your community can do for you. Ask what you can do for your community.
  • Don't attempt to run from the past, it is always behind you.
  • Don't be afraid of opposition; Remember a kite rises against, not with the wind.
  • Don't be afraid of tomorrow, for God has already been there.
  • Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.
  • Don't be angry at a friend who told your secret, for neither could you keep it to yourself.
  • Don't be irreplaceable -- if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted.
  • Don't be so Heavenly minded that you do no earthly good.
  • Don't bother trying to teach a pig to sing; you only waste your time and annoy the pig.
  • Don't count the days, make the days count.
  • Don't count your eggs before they've hatched.
  • Don't do as I do, do as I say.
  • Don't eat the yellow snow.
  • Don't ever slam a door- you may want to go back.
  • Don't get good at doing something if you don't like doing it.
  • Don't get mad, get even!
  • Don't go away mad. Just go away.
  • Don't just get something out of church, put something into it.
  • Don't kill the dream - execute it!
  • Don't know which way to turn.
  • Don't learn the tricks of the trade, learn the trade.
  • Don't let anybody walk trough your mind with dirty feet.
  • Don't let people drive you crazy when it is within walking distance.
  • Don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you.
  • Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
  • Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future.
  • Don't limit your challenges - challenge your limits.
  • Don't listen to what I say; listen to what I mean.
  • Don't love the things you own, lest they own you.
  • Don't marry for money - you can borrow it cheaper.
  • Don't measure your life by how many breaths you take, measure it by how many times you get your breath taken away.
  • Don't pamper damp scamp tramps that camp under ramp lamps.
  • Don't rock the boat.
  • Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been but also where you're going.
  • Don't say" if I could, I would".Say instead "If I can, I will".
  • Don't seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise: seek what they sought.
  • Don't spring on the inner-spring this spring or there will be an offspring next spring.
  • Don't stand in a place of danger trusting in miracles.
  • Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
  • Don't tell God how big your problems are...tell your problems how big your God is.
  • Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path.
  • Don't tick him off or he'll bite your head off.
  • Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church.
  • Don't wait for your ship to come in. Row out to meet it.
  • Don't work for recognition, but do work worthy of recognition.
  • Don't worry about it. I've never listened to a thing you've said since the day I met you.
  • Don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon.
  • Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.
  • Don't worry, be happy!!
  • Don't worry, be happy.
  • Double bubble gum, bubbles double.
  • Drama often obscures the real issues
  • Drink wet cement and get really stoned.
  • Drive carefully! Remember, it's not only a car that can be recalled by it's maker.
  • Drive carefully, we need every taxpayer we can get.
  • Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
  • Drop a dime on you!
  • During a carnival, men put masks over their masks.
  • Dust is a disk's worst enemy.
  • Dusty bibles lead to dirty lives.
  • Duty over desire - may that inspire.
  • Dying and coming back gives you considerable perspective
  • Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines
  • Early to bed and early to rise makes a man health, wealthy and wise.
  • Early to bed, early to rise.
  • Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.
  • Easy as shooting fish in a barrel.
  • Easy come, easy go.
  • Eat my shorts.
  • Eat to your heart's content.
  • Eat your Cake and have it, too.
  • Ed had edited it.
  • Eddie edited it.
  • Eighty percent of life's satisfaction comes from meaningful relationships.
  • Eighty sixed (as in 86'd from a bar).
  • Elevator is stuck between floors.
  • Eleven benevolent elephants
  • Elizabeth has eleven elves in her elm tree.
  • Elizabeth's birthday is on the third Thursday of this month.
  • Emotional responses ar as valuable as intellectual responses
  • Empty as your head.
  • Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
  • Enough ants can eat an elephant.
  • Enough money to burn a wet dog.
  • Ere her ear hears her err, here ears err here.
  • Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  • Even a broken watch is correct twice a day.
  • Even your family can betray you
  • Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
  • Every Tom, Dick and Harry.
  • Every achievement requires a sacrifice
  • Every cloud has a silver lining.
  • Every dog has his day.
  • Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it.
  • Every man dies; not every man really lives.
  • Every man reaps what he sows, except the amateur gardener.
  • Every person is a fool in somebody's opinion.
  • Every rose has its thorn.
  • Every ten seconds, somewhere on this earth, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
  • Every time a report comes about the dangers of second-hand cigarette smoke, he goes around blowing smoke in people's faces.
  • Everyone hears what you say,Friends listen to what you say,Best friends listen to what you don't say.
  • Everyone leaves footprints in you memory, but the ones that leave footprints in your heart are the ones you will truely remember.
  • Everyone needs to be loved . . . especially when they do not deserve it.
  • Everyone should carefully observe which way his heart draws him, and then choose that way with all his strength.
  • Everyone wants to go to Heaven, yet no one wants to die.
  • Everyone's work is equally important
  • Everything depends.
  • Everything is possible; just not too probable.
  • Everything is vanity.
  • Everywhere children are schooled to become masters at answering questions and to remain novices at asking them.
  • Exact same (whatever) as you.
  • Examine what is said, not who speaks.
  • Excited executioner exercising his excising powers excessively.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the square root of negative one.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.
  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: Isaac Newton's birthday.
  • Excuses are the easiest things to manufacture, and the hardest things to sell.
  • Expectations are for the unsure.
  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.
  • Extraordinary: it is the "extra" that make us more than ordinary.
  • Failure comes in two ways: Those who do it without giving a thought. Those who thought about it but do nothing.
  • Failure is nature's plan to prepare you for great responsibilities.
  • Failure is opportunity in disguise.
  • Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
  • Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservations.
  • Faith is not believing that God can, but that God will!
  • Faith is not faith until it's all you're holding on to.
  • Faith makes all things possible. Love makes all things easy. Hope makes all things work.
  • Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible!
  • Fake or real indifference is a powerful personal weapon
  • False Frank fled Flo Friday.
  • Far too many people spend their lives reading the menu instead of enjoying the banquet.
  • Faster than a speeding crawfish.
  • Fat frogs flying past fast.
  • Fat people are harder to kidnap.
  • Faults are thick when love is thin.
  • Fear doesn't overwhelm you; you let fear overwhelm you.
  • Fear grows from what we don't know, faith comes from what we do.
  • Fear is the greatest incapacitator
  • Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered and no one was there.
  • Feed a cold, starve a fever.
  • Feed you faith and your doubts will starve to death!
  • Feeling bad is just a new sensation.
  • Few free fruit flies fly from flames.
  • Find yourself in a hole.
  • Finer than frogs hair, split three ways.
  • First come, first served.
  • First things first! But not necessarily in that order.
  • Fit to be tied.
  • Five fat friars frying flat fish.
  • Five frantic frogs fled from fifty fierce fishes.
  • Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.
  • Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
  • Flee from fog to fight flu fast!
  • Flies fly but a fly flies.
  • Flirtation...Attention without intention.
  • Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
  • Fools look to tomorrow, wise men use tonight.
  • Fools rush in - and get all the best seats.
  • Fools rush in...
  • Foot: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
  • For God is not against us because of our sin. He is with us; against our sin.
  • For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  • For love of country.
  • For people who like peace and quiet: a phone less cord.
  • For the child of God, death is when the earth recedes and heaven opens up.
  • Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
  • Forget yourself when with others and others will not forget you.
  • Forgiveness is like the fragrance a flower gives after it's been stepped on.
  • Forgiveness is the best remedy for any injury.
  • Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realising you were the prisoner!
  • Four free-flow pipes flow freely.
  • Four furious friends fought for the phone.
  • Four-word story of failure: Hired, tired, mired, fired.
  • Fran feeds fish fresh fish food.
  • Frankly Scarlett, I don't give a damn.
  • Freckle-faced Freddie fidgets.
  • Fred fed Ted bread, and Ted fed Fred bread.
  • Freedom is doing what you know is right without fear.
  • Freedom is not the right to do as you please, but the liberty to do as you ought.
  • Fresh French fried fly fritters
  • Freshly fried fresh flesh.
  • Freshly-fried flying fish.
  • Friendly Frank flips fine flapjacks.
  • Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
  • Friends are like puzzle pieces. If one goes away, that special piece can never be replaced and that puzzle will never be whole again.
  • Friends forever; never apart, maybe by distance, but not by heart.
  • Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
  • Friendship is a golden chain, the links are friends so dear, and like a rare and precious jewel It's treasured more each year.
  • Friendship: a building contract you sign with laughter and break with tears.
  • Frogfeet, flippers, swimfins.
  • Full head of steam.
  • Fun is good.
  • Funny as a fart in church.
  • Funny how a dollar can look so big when you take it to church, and so small when you take it to the store.
  • Funny thing about humility. Just when you think you've got it, you've lost it.
  • Gale's great glass globe glows green.
  • Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
  • Gertie's great-grandma grew aghast at Gertie's grammar.
  • Get a kick (out of something).
  • Get back, Jack.
  • Get lost (go away).
  • Get out of my life. (go away).
  • Get the hell out and take your friend with you!
  • Get the hell out of Dodge.
  • Get up, your going to sleep your life away!
  • Getting soaked (as in cheated).
  • Getting to the top.
  • Girl gargoyle, guy gargoyle.
  • Girls who wear glasses seldom get passes (Ogden Nash).
  • Give God what's right, not what's left!
  • Give Mr. Snipa's wife's knife a swipe.
  • Give a man a fish and he won't starve for a day. Teach a man how to fish and he won't starve for his entire life.
  • Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime.
  • Give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, feed him for life.
  • Give according to your income, lest God will make your income like your giving.
  • Give papa a cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.
  • Give peace a chance.
  • Give space to time, and time will fill space.
  • Give to a pig when it grunts and a child when it cries, and you will have a fine pig and a bid child.
  • Give us clear vision that we may know where to stand and what to stand for, because unless we stand for something, we shall fall for anything.
  • Go ahead, just tear my heart right out of my chest.
  • Go all out in romance and let the chips fall where they may
  • Go jump in the lake!
  • Go my son, and shut the shutter.
  • Go peddle your peppers elsewhere.
  • Go ugly early; don't wait for closing time.
  • Goals are dreams with deadlines.
  • Gobbling gorgoyles gobbled gobbling goblins.
  • God answers knee-mail.
  • God can mend a broken heart but he must have all the pieces.
  • God creates a worm for every bird - but He does not throw it in the nest.
  • God didn't promise us it would be easy or painless; He just promised us it would be worth it!
  • God doesn't call people who are qualified. He calls people who are willing, and then He qualifies them.
  • God doesn't discriminate ... only religions do.
  • God gave us time so that everything wouldn't happen all at once.
  • God gives every bird its food but he doesn't throw it to its nest.
  • God gives us faces; we create our own expressions.
  • God had promised salvation to your repentance, but he has not promised tomorrow to your procrastination.
  • God has a thousand ways, Where I can see not one; When all my means have reached their end, Then His have just begun.
  • God is God, and I'm not.
  • God is not moved or impressed with our worship until our hearts are moved and impressed by Him.
  • God is too kind to do anything cruel; too wise to make a mistake; too deep to explain Himself.
  • God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruit of the Spirit" over "religious nuts!".
  • God loves us not because of who we are, but because of who He is.
  • God loves us the way we are, but too much to leave us that way.
  • God loves you right where you are but he doesn't want to leave you there.
  • God never said it would be easy .... He just said He would go with me.
  • God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
  • God puts some in places of leadership to shoulder responsibility, not to enjoy privileges.
  • God so loved the world that He did not send a committee.
  • God tries our faith so that we may try His faithfulness.
  • God will supply all your real needs.
  • God's will will not lead you where His grace cannot keep you.
  • God, give me courage to do what I can,humility to admit what I can't, and wisdom to know the difference.
  • Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
  • Going with the flow is soothing but risky
  • Going, going, gone.
  • Golden Rule: Those who have the gold rule.
  • Good Night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite.
  • Good blood, bad blood.
  • Good hands (sports cliche).
  • Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
  • Good leaders are like baseball umpires; they go practically unnoticed when doing their jobs right.
  • Good old (ole) boy.
  • Good taste is boundless, while bad taste knows no bounds.
  • Good, bad or indifferent.
  • Good, better, best. Never rest Until good be better And better best.
  • Goodness is the only investment that never fails.
  • Got a frog in your throat?
  • Got hosed (cheated).
  • Got one foot in the grave.
  • Grace is the divine ability to cope with every circumstance.
  • Grandparents: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
  • Great gray goats
  • Great men may die, but there ideas won't.
  • Great minds ... discuss ideas. Average minds ... discuss events. Small minds ... discuss people.
  • Greek grapes.
  • Green glass globes glow greenly.
  • Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
  • Guests and fish start to stink after two days.
  • Gus goes by Blue Goose bus.
  • Ha, ha, that was a thigh slapper!
  • Habit is a cable; we spin a thread of it every day and at last we can not break it.
  • Habit never goes Because if you remove H Abit remains, If you remove A Bit remains, If you remove B It still remains.
  • Hair today - gone tomarrow.
  • Half of the world's misery comes from ignorance. The other half comes from intelligence.
  • Handicapped is not helpless.
  • Handy Guide to Modern Science: 1. If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology. 2. If it stinks, it's chemistry. 3. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
  • Happier than a pig in shit.
  • Happiness is a path, not a destination.
  • Happiness is not something you have in your hands; it is something you carry in you heart.
  • Happiness is what happens to us when we try to make someone else happy.
  • Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
  • Happy laughter and family voices in the home will keep more kids off the streets at night than the strictest curfew.
  • Happy smoke (marijauna).
  • Haraka haraka haina baraka (Swahili: in hurry, hurry there is no blessing).
  • Hard work doesn't harm anyone, but I do not want to take chances.
  • Hard work has future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
  • Hard work spotlights the character of people; some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all!
  • Has the cat got your tongue?
  • Hasn't got a pot to piss in (nor a window to throw it out).
  • Hassock hassock, black spotted hassock. Black spot on a black back of a black spotted hassock.
  • Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.
  • Hating someone is like burning down your house to get rid of a rat.
  • Have less. Do less. Be more.
  • Have to go like a rushing racehorse.
  • Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
  • Having someplace to go to is home. Having someone to love is family. Having both is a blessing.
  • Having the right to do it, doesn't mean it is right to do it.
  • Having your lawyer pay for lunch will be very expensive in the end.
  • He can be saddled (as in controlled).
  • He folds his newspaper so the guy next to him in the bus can only read half the newspaper.
  • He got his parents a fifty-piece dinner set for their Golden Anniversary a box of toothpicks.
  • He got screwed (cheated).
  • He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
  • He has lots of fortitude. He'll stand for nearly anything, but a woman on a train.
  • He has the hops ( jumping ability ).
  • He heats the knives so his family won't use too much butter.
  • He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.
  • He is not afraid of work, you can tell by the way he fights it.
  • He is so bright his father calls him son.
  • He jacked it out of the ballpark (homerun).
  • He put me in stitches (made me laugh).
  • He ran over me like a speed bump.
  • He started hating me, cause I couldn't laugh at his jokes. I just started finding it impossible to laugh at his jokes the way I used to.
  • He stuck to me like a fart in a phone booth.
  • He takes sparrows, dips them in peroxide, and sells them as canaries.
  • He that lets the small things bind him, leaves the great undone behind him.
  • He threw three balls.
  • He threw three free throws.
  • He told his children Santa Claus is too old to get around any more.
  • He was dead upfront with me.
  • He was on that like a pack of dogs on a three-legged cat.
  • He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes....
  • He who angers you controls you!
  • He who buys what he does not need steals from himself.
  • He who can take no interest in what is small, will take false interest in what is great.
  • He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.
  • He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.
  • He who fails to prepare, prepares to fail.
  • He who has a thing to sell and goes and whispers in a well is not as apt to get the dollars as he who climbs a tree and hollers.
  • He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.
  • He who hesitates is last.
  • He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
  • He who is not grateful for the good things he has would not be happy with what he wishes he had.
  • He who kneels before God can stand before anyone!
  • He who kneels the most stands best.
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest!
  • He who laughs last, laughs loudest (or, he who laughs last, last laughs).
  • He who pays the piper calls the tune.
  • He who receives a good turn should never forget it; he who does one should never remember it.
  • He who sees the calamity of other people finds his own calamity light.
  • He who slings mud looses ground.
  • He who stands for nothing, falls for anything.
  • He'd steal a dead fly from a blind spider.
  • He'll cry over your wounds so he can get salt in them.
  • He'll throw a drowning man both ends of a rope.
  • He's a few balloons short of a parade.
  • He's an animal, throw him some raw meat.
  • He's anybody's dog that will hunt with him.
  • He's like school in the summer ...No class.
  • He's off his rocker.
  • He's suffering from hardening of the hearteries.
  • He/She can eat cookies/crackers in my bed.
  • He/She must have learned to whisper in a sawmill!
  • He/she can screw up a two car funeral.
  • He/she has one oar out of the water.
  • He/she wasn't worth it anyway.
  • He/she will be sorry.
  • Hear me now, believe me later.
  • Heat it up!
  • Heaven is where the police are British, the mechanics German, the cooks are French, the lovers Italian, and all is organize by the Swiss.
  • Hell has no exits.Heaven needs none.
  • Hell has no fire escapes.
  • Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
  • Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
  • Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it.
  • Here comes Mutt and Jeff.
  • Here comes the Bobsy Twins.
  • Here comes twiddle dee and twiddle dum.
  • Here's to you and here's to me and may we never disagree, but if we do I'll still love you.
  • Here's your hat, what's your hurry.
  • Here, there and everywhere.
  • Heroes and winners aren't the same thing.
  • Hi-Tech Traveling Tractor Trailor Truck Tracker
  • Hiccup teacup!
  • Higgledy-Piggedly!
  • His face puckered up like he had eaten a lemon.
  • His motto is 'A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH', but expects yours to have gold in it.
  • His teeth are brighter than he is.
  • History is a selective interpretation of events designed to justify those currently in power. Memory is the same thing on an individual scale.
  • History is a set of lies agreed upon by the victors.
  • History repeats itself, but each time the price goes up.
  • Hit the mute button on him/her.
  • Hoffer's law: When people are free to do what they want they usually imitate one another.
  • Hoked on fonix, itz ben good for me.
  • Hold your horses!
  • Hold your wagon!
  • Holding on to a hurt creates more hurt.
  • Holy shit and shove me in it.
  • Hook, line and sinker.
  • Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
  • Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.
  • Hose job (cheated again).
  • Hospital is a place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill.
  • Hospitality is making your guests feel at home -- even when you wish they were.
  • Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything.
  • Hotter than a nun's bug.
  • Hotter than the hinges of hell.
  • Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don't do it.
  • How about never? Is never good for you?
  • How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?
  • How come abbreviated is such a long word?
  • How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  • How do you know there's a blonde secretary working in an office? The boss is always smiling.
  • How do you like them apples?
  • How do you start your days? Good morning Lord or Good Lord, morning.
  • How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
  • How many berries could a bare berry carry,
  • How many cans can a canner can if a canner can can cans? A canner can can as many cans as a canner can if a canner can can cans.
  • How many moose might a mini-mouse move if a mini-mouse might move moose?
  • How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!
  • How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit if a sheet slitter could slit sheets?
  • How many ways can you skin a cat?
  • How many yaks could a yak pack pack if a yak pack could pack yaks?
  • How much can can a cannibal nibble, if a cannibal can nibble can?
  • How much caramel can a canny canonball cram in a camel if a canny canonball can cram caramel in a camel?
  • How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
  • How much dew would a dew drop drop, if a dew drop did drop dew?
  • How much ground could a grounghog grind if a groundhog could grind ground?
  • How much oil boil can a gum boil boil if a gum boil can boil oil?
  • How much pot, could a pot roast roast, if a pot roast could roast pot.
  • How much wood can a woodchuck chuck?
  • How now, brown cow.
  • How would you like to spend eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking?
  • Hugs are not measured by quantity; they are measured by quality.
  • Human things must be known to be loved: but Divine things must be loved to be known.
  • Humans are like tea bags. They never realize their strength until they are put in hot water.
  • Hungry like a big dog (southern).
  • Hurry dog eats raw meat.
  • Hurry when you have time, then you'll have time when you are in a hurry.
  • I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
  • I always complained because my work was being interupted - until I realised the interuptions were my work.
  • I always thought looking back on the times I cried would make me laugh; but I never knew looking back on the times I laughed would make me cry.
  • I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
  • I always win. Except when I lose, but then I just don't count it.
  • I am a poet and did not know it.I make a rhyme every time.
  • I am better off alone.
  • I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 96% how I react to it.
  • I am not an organ donor, but I once gave an old piano to the Salvation Army.
  • I am not religious, I just love the Lord.
  • I am on a thirty day diet.So far, I have lost 15 days.
  • I am so glad God sees the whole video tape of my life, and not just a snapshot of where I am now.
  • I am sorry I offended you - I should have lied.
  • I am the world's greatest authority on my own opinion.
  • I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
  • I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
  • I believe in the Big Bang theory. God spoke and BANG! It was.
  • I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
  • I can feel it in my guts!
  • I can get more out of God by believing Him for one minute than by shouting at Him all night.
  • I can lead you to the water but I can't let you drink.
  • I can not and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.
  • I can not dial 911. There's no 11 on my phone.
  • I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
  • I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do!
  • I cannot shut it any shutter.
  • I close my eyes in order to see.
  • I correctly recollect Rebecca MacGregor's reckoning.
  • I could drown in a frown and swim in a smile.
  • I could've bought that for a song and dance.
  • I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  • I dialled one of those 900 numbers to get some financial advice. They advised me not to dial 900 numbers.
  • I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I'd be irresponsible too.
  • I don't give a rat's ass.
  • I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
  • I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
  • I don't know for sure, I'm guessing....
  • I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
  • I don't know how to break this to you but....
  • I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow.
  • I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
  • I don't know your from adam's house cat!
  • I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.
  • I don't need your attitude I have one of my own.
  • I don't take it personally. Every time you open your mouth you offend someone.
  • I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains.
  • I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not.
  • I don't understand Christianity, nor do I understand electricity, but I don't intend to sit in the dark until I do!
  • I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
  • I eat eel while you peel eel
  • I feel like a rat in a cage.
  • I felt bad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
  • I got your goose.
  • I had dreams and I've had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams.
  • I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
  • I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4 today.
  • I have changed my mind a dozen times. It seems to work better now.
  • I have discovered the whole problem with the National Debt. Most of us work 5 days a week, and the government spends 7.
  • I have faith in fools, my friends call it self-confidence.
  • I have gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses.
  • I have learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
  • I have learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
  • I have learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
  • I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
  • I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
  • I have worn out more tool pouches than you have sox.
  • I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it.
  • I just got lost in thought. . . . It was unfamiliar territory.
  • I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
  • I just want to turn on the light and have it work...I don't want to know where the electricity comes from.
  • I know Karate! ...and several other Japanese words.
  • I know UNIX, PASCAL, C, FORTRAN, COBOL, and nineteen other high-tech words.
  • I know you know what I think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
  • I know your trying to insult me, but I know you like me. I can see your tail wagging.
  • I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  • I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
  • I love being free, it's the best way to be.
  • I love you 2 day, I love you 2 morrow, I love you 4 ever.
  • I need your help like I need a migrane.
  • I need your help like a kangaroo needs a purse.
  • I never went to bed with an ugly woman; woke up with a few.
  • I once saw this sign on a diner wall: "I have an agreement with the bank: they don't fry hamburgers, and I don't cash checks.".
  • I only work to enjoy when I am not working.
  • I plead contemporary insanity.
  • I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
  • I rather lose a second in my life, than my life in a second.
  • I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man.
  • I remain just one thing, and one thing only -- and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.
  • I saw a fat person wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?'
  • I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said Are you going to help? I said No, six should be enough.
  • I say jump, you say, how high?
  • I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!
  • I see Isis's icy eyes.
  • I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  • I shot three shy thrushes.
  • I slept like a baby, I woke up and cried every two hours.
  • I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, and on that slitted sheet I sit.
  • I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.
  • I slit the sheet and the sheet slit me the slit in the sheet was slit by me
  • I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit.
  • I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
  • I stood sadly on the silver steps of Burgess's fish sauce shop, mimicking him hiccuping, and wildly welcoming him within.
  • I take the challenge.
  • I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
  • I think if I have a good breakfast I could go without food for the rest of the day. I think that until about lunchtime.
  • I think you may have seen me at the zoo, I was the one who was feeding you peanuts.
  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  • I thought, I thought of thinking of thanking you.
  • I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
  • I understand that's Animal Magic is your favorite show because so many of your relatives are on it.
  • I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
  • I used to cry for I had no shoes to wear until I saw a man with no feet.
  • I used to want to pack as much as I could into my life, but now I realize it's more about quality of life than quantity.
  • I value all things only by the price they shall gain in eternity.
  • I was born at night, but not last night.
  • I was born on a pirate ship - Hold your tounge while saying it.
  • I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
  • I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."
  • I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
  • I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  • I will survive.
  • I wish I were what I was when I wished I were what I am.
  • I wish to wash my Irish wristwatch.
  • I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.
  • I wish to wish, I dream to dream, I try to try, and I live to live, and I'd die to die, and I cry to cry but I dont know why.
  • I wish you were a fish in my dish
  • I would help you out but I did not see where you came in.
  • I would if I could! But I can't, so I won't!
  • I would if I could.
  • I wouldn't get angry at you today. It's "Be kind to Animals" week.
  • I wouldn't piss down your throat if your lungs were on fire.
  • I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
  • I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?
  • I'd love to make up my mind, but I can't remember where I left it.
  • I'd rather be dead than red. (60's cliche).
  • I'd rather do something and fail than do nothing and succeed!
  • I'll chew and chew until my jaws drop.
  • I'll show him/her how the cow eats corn.
  • I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
  • I'm a lawyer... "Honest?".. "No, the usual kind.".
  • I'm all ears.
  • I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  • I'm glad I bumped into you today.
  • I'm not a fig plucker nor a fig plucker's son, but I'll pluck your fig's 'til the fig plucker comes.
  • I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
  • I'm not offended by what you say. I'm just glad that you're stringing words into sentences now.
  • I'm old enough to know better but I'm still to young to care.
  • I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
  • I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
  • I'm serious; it was a joke.
  • I'm so hungry I could eat a bear.
  • I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
  • I've got my eye on you.
  • I've had an ear full.
  • I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
  • I've seen better arms on a rocking chair. (refering to someone throwing an object like a baseball).
  • I've seen better looking legs on a table.
  • Ideals are replaced by conventional goals at a certain age
  • Ideas are funny little things, they won't work unless you do.
  • Idiot box (TV).
  • If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
  • If God didn't forgive Heaven would be empty.
  • If God is your co-pilot, switch seats with Him!
  • If I assist a sister-assistant, will the sister's sister-assistant assist me?
  • If I can only be with you in my dreams, then I want to sleep forever.
  • If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
  • If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet?
  • If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional.
  • If I said you have a beautiful body would you hold it against me?
  • If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  • If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.
  • If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
  • If Kantie can tie a tie and untie a tie,
  • If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, how many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
  • If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?
  • If a bare berry could carry berries?
  • If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
  • If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
  • If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
  • If a tree fell in the forest and no one was around, would it make a sound?
  • If absence makes the heart grow fonder, some people must really love church.
  • If all else fails, read the directions.
  • If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
  • If at first you don't succeed, try try again.
  • If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilisation.
  • If colored caterpillars could change their colors constantly could they keep their colored coat colored properly?
  • If danger's a step away, safety's step away.
  • If evolution was true, mothers would have more than two hands.
  • If given a shaft, make a car.
  • If he was any slower, he'd be going in reverse.
  • If ifs and buts where candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas.
  • If innocence can leave guilt can come.
  • If it is worth doing, it is worth overdoing!
  • If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck...
  • If it took a nickel to get around the world, I couldn't get past the front door.
  • If it was a snake it would've bitten you.
  • If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
  • If life deals you a lemon, make lemonade.
  • If life were a novel, then dead would mark the end of the first chapter...
  • If life were easy, then it would be boring.
  • If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
  • If nobody knows the troubles you've seen, then you don't live in a small town.
  • If our gifts are not surrendered to God, we tend to beat people over the head with them.
  • If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
  • If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
  • If someone is standing between you and God, guess who's closer to God.
  • If someone is too tired to give you a smile, leave one of your own, because no one needs a smile as much as those who have none to give.
  • If someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.
  • If success attend me, grant me humility; If failure, resignation to Thy will.
  • If suffering brings wisdom, I would wish to be less wise.
  • If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be discarded.
  • If the grass on the other side of the fence appears greener...it must be all the fertiliser they are using!
  • If the human brain was simple enough for us to understand we'd be so simple we couldn't understand.
  • If the road you travel, has no obstacles, It leads nowhere.
  • If the shoe fits, wear it.
  • If the wind stops, row!
  • If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
  • If things get better with age, I'm approaching magnificent!
  • If this is living, I'd rather be dead.
  • If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
  • If today was a fish, I'd throw it back in the river.
  • If two witches would watch two watches, which witch would watch which watch?
  • If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
  • If we are walking in joy, we are trusting God.
  • If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?
  • If we don't control our money, it will control us.
  • If we preach what we live....We don't ever have to worry about practicing what we preach!
  • If we'd confess our sins to one another we'd all laugh at the lack of originality.
  • If weak in prayer we are weak everywhere.
  • If wealth is lost nothing is lost.If health is lost something is lostIf character/reputation is lost everything is lost.
  • If wishes were horses than beggars could ride.
  • If wishes were horses the beggers would ride.
  • If wishes were horses, all beggars would ride.
  • If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
  • If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time.
  • If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got.
  • If you are headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.
  • If you are never scared, embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take chances.
  • If you are willing to admit you are wrong when you are wrong, you are all right.
  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
  • If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
  • If you can't be content with what you have received, be thankful for what you have escaped.
  • If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
  • If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
  • If you can't beat 'em, join'em.
  • If you can't beat them, join them.
  • If you can't control the wind, adjust your sail.
  • If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.
  • If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the joke of the century.
  • If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.
  • If you can't say something nice, become a reporter.
  • If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.
  • If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
  • If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
  • If you can't stand the kitchen, get a real job.
  • If you could kick the person responsible for most of your troubles in the backside, you wouldn't be able to sit down for two weeks.
  • If you decide not to choose then you've already made the wrong choice!
  • If you depend on others to make you happy, you will be endlessly disappointed.
  • If you don't have time to do it right, you must have time to do it over.
  • If you don't know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.
  • If you don't know where you're going how do you expect to get there.
  • If you don't like something about yourself, change it. If you can't change it, accept it.
  • If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again.
  • If you don't love, you can't live; if you don't live, you can't love.
  • If you don't want your children to hear what you're saying, pretend you're speaking directly to them.
  • If you drop a white glove into the mud, the glove will get muddy but the mud will never get glovey.
  • If you ever need a helping hand, there is one at the end of your arm.
  • If you expect to soar with the eagles during the day, you can't hoot with the owls at night.
  • If you find a four-leaf clover, it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
  • If you follow in others footsteps you will never leave yours behind.
  • If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
  • If you give 100%, God will make up the difference!
  • If you go out looking for friends, you're going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere.
  • If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead, and a place to sleep...you are richer than 75% of this world.
  • If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace...you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
  • If you have much, give of your wealth; if you have little, give of your heart.
  • If you have the desire, you are halfway there.
  • If you have time to worry, you have time to pray.
  • If you haven't all the things that you want, be thankful for all the things that you don't have that you didn't want.
  • If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
  • If you judge people, you will have no time to love them.
  • If you kicked him in his heart, you'd break your toe.
  • If you laugh a lot, when you get older your wrinkles will be in the right places.
  • If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
  • If you lie down with dogs, you rise up with fleas.
  • If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
  • If you love something set it free....If it comes back to you it is yours, if it doesn't than it was never meant to be.
  • If you love what you do you'll never work another day in your life.
  • If you must cross a course cross cow across a crowded cow crossing, cross the cross coarse cow across the crowded cow crossing carefully.
  • If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in.
  • If you set the example, you won't need to set many rules.
  • If you step in a puddle, don't blame the puddle.
  • If you still have the courage after loosing all , you can be rest assured that you have not lost everything.
  • If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
  • If you think you're getting too much government these days, just be happy that you're not getting all you are paying for.
  • If you treat every situation like a life or death matter, be prepared to die a lot of times.
  • If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.
  • If you wait to have kids until you can afford them, you probably never will.
  • If you want breakfast in bed, then start sleeping in the kitchen.
  • If you want something done, ask someone who is busy!
  • If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road.
  • If you want to be well liked never lie about yourself, and be careful when telling the truth about others.
  • If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money can't buy.
  • If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
  • If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?
  • If you wish your merit to be known, acknowledge that of other people.
  • If you woke up this morning with more health than illness...you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.
  • If you your lips would keep from slips,Five things observe with care: Of whom you speak, to whom you speak,And how and when and where.
  • If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
  • If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
  • If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
  • If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat.
  • If your head wasn't screwed on you'd lose that too.
  • If your ship doesn't come in, you have to row out to meet it.
  • If your the last one to leave, turn out the lights.
  • If your vision doesn't scare you, then both your vision and your God are too small.
  • Ignoring enemies is the best way to fight
  • Ike ships ice chips in ice chips ships.
  • Imagination is intelligence having fun.
  • Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't; and a sense of humour to console him for what he is.
  • Immature love: I love you because I need you.Mature love; I need you because I love you.
  • In a 'round about way.
  • In communism, man oppresses man. In capitalism, it's the other way around.
  • In essentials, unity; in nonessentials, liberty; in all things, charity.
  • In every organization there will be one person who knows what is going on....This person must be fired.
  • In for a penny, in for a pound.
  • In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
  • In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart.
  • In spite of the cost of living, it's still quite popular.
  • In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take prozac to make it normal.
  • In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.
  • In the long run we get no more than we have been willing to risk giving.
  • In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life; it goes on.
  • In your life you will love someone so much you could eat them, then you will get married and wish you had.
  • Inch by inch life's a cinch.Yard by yard life is hard.
  • Inchworms itching.
  • Incontinence Hot line...Can you hold please.
  • Indian build small fire stand real close, White man build BIG fire stand way back....
  • Information is giving out.Communication is getting through.
  • Initiative is the ability to do the right thing.. efficiency is the ability to do the thing right.. effectiveness is doing the right things.
  • Ink drys, paper burns, but what is written in the soul will last an eternity.
  • Inside every large problem there is a small problem struggling to get out.
  • Integrity is the cornerstone of trust.
  • Integrity is when what you say, what you do, what you think, and who you are all come from the same place.
  • Intelligence is like underwear, everyone has it but you don't have to show it off.
  • Intercessory prayer might be defined as loving our neighbour on our knees.
  • Intet er saa daarligt, at det ikke er godt for noget !
  • Irish wristwatch
  • Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
  • Is a pleasant peasant's pheasant present?
  • Is ignorance or apathy the biggest problem with the world today? "I don't know and I don't care".
  • Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
  • Is this your sister's sixth zither, sir?
  • Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
  • It ain't broke. Don't fix it.
  • It ain't over until the fat lady sings.
  • It ain't rocket science.
  • It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
  • It can be helpful to keep going no matter what
  • It could be worse.
  • It doesn't matter if you win or lose until you lose.
  • It has to get worse, before it gets better.
  • It is OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.
  • It is a good experience, it makes me stronger.
  • It is a poor workman who blames his tools.
  • It is a small world, but I wouldn't like to have to paint it.
  • It is always the ones who talk loudest who do the least.
  • It is amazing how many people want to live a long life, and yet so few want to grow old.
  • It is amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're going away.
  • It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.
  • It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
  • It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.
  • It is far better to be alone, than to wish you were.
  • It is frequently more economical to be inefficient.
  • It is good to be a Christian and you know it, but it is better to be a Christian and show it!
  • It is hard to face the problem, when the problem is your face.
  • It is hard to read a cartoon aloud.
  • It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial charges and blamed it on the cost of living.
  • It is impossible to overestimate the immense need that humans have to be listened to, understood, and taken seriously.
  • It is never easy being a mother.If it were easy, fathers would do it.
  • It is not 'seeing' the light that impacts one's life; it is never 'ceasing' to see the light that impresses one's life, spirit, heart and soul.
  • It is not a war on drugs; it's a war on people.
  • It is not always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
  • It is not raining. The sky leaks.
  • It is not that I disagree with you, it is just that I'm not in full accord.
  • It is not that we don't know the right answers, it is just that we don't ask the right questions.
  • It is not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it.
  • It is not the relation which is important, but the relationship that is important!
  • It is not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog.
  • It is not what's right about war, it's about what's left.
  • It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.
  • It is seldom easy to do what's right or right to do what's easy.
  • It is taken me all my life to understand that it is not necessary to understand everything.
  • It is wonderful what God can do with a broken heart, if He gets all the pieces.
  • It keeps me from the street.
  • It never rains, it pours.
  • It shines like a diamond in a goats ass!
  • It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
  • It takes all kinds.
  • It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
  • It was a gas!
  • It was all so different before everything changed.
  • It was swept under the carpet.
  • It wasn't the caughing that carried him off, it was the coffin they carried him off in.
  • It will be worse.
  • It would not be fun when life is so easy.
  • It'll put hair on your chest.
  • It's a good thing God chose me before I was born, because he surely would not have afterwards.
  • It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
  • It's always darkest before the dawn.
  • It's always the quiet ones.
  • It's always the wrong time of the month.
  • It's better to be a good person than a famous person
  • It's better to be naive than jaded
  • It's better to find a whole worm in your apple than half a worm.
  • It's cold, but it's a dry cold!
  • It's comming like a freight train.
  • It's good to give extra money to charity
  • It's not the heat, it's the humidity.
  • It's not what you say, it's the thought behind it that counts, and I know there's never any thought behind anything you say.
  • It's time to fold.
  • Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
  • Jack the jailbird jacked a jeep.
  • Jesus accepts you the way you are, but loves you too much to leave you that way.
  • Jesus did not come to make God's love possible, but to make God's love visible.
  • Jesus is the man God intended all humans to be.
  • Judicial system.
  • June sheep sleep soundly.
  • Just believing something can make it happen
  • Just between you, me, and the fence post.
  • Just say charge it.
  • Just when I was getting used to yesterday along came today.
  • Justice always prevails....three times out of seven.
  • Kanta is a masai girl, she can tie a tie and untie a tie, if kanta can tie a tie and untie a tie, why can't I tie a tie and untie a tie?
  • Karl Marx's Mother: If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ... it would have been much better.
  • Keenly cleaning copper kettles.
  • Keep it simple, stupid.
  • Keep something in reserve for emergencies
  • Keep your eyes glued to the T.V.
  • Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
  • Keep your head and your heart in the right direction and you will not have to worry about your feet.
  • Keep your head in the clouds.. you're the first to know when it rains, and it's easier to see the silver lining.
  • Keifing off (goofing off).
  • Ken Dodd's dad's dog 's dead.
  • Kill the ump!
  • Killing time murders opportunities.
  • Kindness: a language the deaf can hear, the blind can see, and the mute can speak.
  • Kinky kite kits.
  • Kiss her quick, kiss her quicker, kiss her quickest!
  • Knapsack strap.
  • Knife and a fork bottle and a cork
  • Knock me over with a feather!
  • Knock on wood.
  • Knowing is not enough; We must Apply. Willing is not enough; We must Do.
  • Knowing what to say is not always necessary; just the presence of a caring friend can make a world of difference.
  • Knowing yourself lets you understand others
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • Knowledge is that which is acquired by learning. Wisdom is knowing what to do with it?
  • Kris Kringle carefully crunched on candy canes.
  • L'etat, c'est moi.
  • LSD melts your mind, not in your hand.
  • La via esta duro, amigo.
  • Language is the dress of thought.
  • Larry Hurley, a burly squirrel hurler, hurled a furry squirrel through a curly grill.
  • Larry sent the latter a letter later.
  • Laugh all the way to the bank.
  • Laugh till you cry.
  • Laugh, Laugh, I thought I'd die.
  • Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it!
  • Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper. It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes thing more acceptable for awhile.
  • Laughter is the best medicine.
  • Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of the heart.
  • Laughter is the jam on the toast of life; it adds flavour, keeps it from becoming too dry, and makes it easier to swallow.
  • Lay on, Macduff.
  • Lazy ness is the only luxury that not even a millionaire can afford.
  • Leadership is an opportunity to serve. It is not a trumpet call to self importance.
  • Leading edge or cutting edge.
  • Learn from other people's mistakes, life isn't long enough to make them all yourself.
  • Learn from the past Live for today Look for tomorrow Take a nap this afternoon.
  • Learn to listen, opportunity often knocks softly.
  • Learning history is easy. Learning its lessons is almost impossible.
  • Learning is forging a head.Thinking is foraging a head.
  • Leave loved ones always with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
  • Lesser leather never weathered lesser wetter weather.
  • Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.
  • Let me give so much time to the improvement of myself that I shall have no time to criticize others.
  • Let nature take its course and hope it passes.
  • Let's sleep on it and talk about it in the morning.
  • Let's touch base on that subject sometime.
  • Lets Chew the fat.
  • Liar, liar, pants on fire.
  • Lie like a rug.

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